Honeymoon Phase = OVER :(

[gwailo]

So...

As some of you know, things started out great with my new guy but things are starting to dwindle...

Sex is still good.

We get along really well

We are both kinda goofy

We have a good click

..but something just isn't doing it for me. This guy really likes me. He is a wonderful person. He's responsible. Level headed. All the good qualities you could want in a steady relationship are there but I don't think I am developing deeper feelings for this guy and I know HE is definatly into it probably more so than I am (at least at this time). I don't feel pressured to feel more than I do but at the same time I don't want to lead him along and use him for companionship and physical satisfaction.

Don't get me wrong. I have a GREAT time with him. I'm so frustrated with myself. I've been told by people in several parts of my life (unrealted to eachother) that if they could describe me in one word/statement it would be 'dis-content' (ouch first of all). Am I just not suited for true happiness?

I'm not trying to be all dramatic or anything but I had two boys who were completely into me and now I'm questioning it again.

I try to find little things that piss me off like when he lies about washing the outside or bottom of pots/pans/dishes or other little white lies. Or when he tells other little white lies or just gets stuck up or stubborn with conversations when they aren't going his way... but those things shouldn't matter to me if I really like/love someone.. right? Am I just looking for an excuse?

Aghhhh.. grrrr ...shit.

 

[altlover85]

So...

As some of you know, things started out great with my new guy but things are starting to dwindle...

Sex is still good.

We get along really well

We are both kinda goofy

We have a good click

..but something just isn't doing it for me. This guy really likes me. He is a wonderful person. He's responsible. Level headed. All the good qualities you could want in a steady relationship are there but I don't think I am developing deeper feelings for this guy and I know HE is definatly into it probably more so than I am (at least at this time). I don't feel pressured to feel more than I do but at the same time I don't want to lead him along and use him for companionship and physical satisfaction.

Don't get me wrong. I have a GREAT time with him. I'm so frustrated with myself. I've been told by people in several parts of my life (unrealted to eachother) that if they could describe me in one word/statement it would be 'dis-content' (ouch first of all). Am I just not suited for true happiness?

I'm not trying to be all dramatic or anything but I had two boys who were completely into me and now I'm questioning it again.

I try to find little things that piss me off like when he lies about washing the outside or bottom of pots/pans/dishes or other little white lies. Or when he tells other little white lies or just gets stuck up or stubborn with conversations when they aren't going his way... but those things shouldn't matter to me if I really like/love someone.. right? Am I just looking for an excuse?

Aghhhh.. grrrr ...shit.

Could it be that you really don't want a relationship and would rather be single?

I think white lies are okay, but others feel differently. Have you talked to him about how you feel when he lies about things like that?

What was your issue with your boyfriends in the past? Do you see any connections?

How old are you? Are you relatively settled in your life?

All of these are questions that you might want to ponder if you haven't already.

Hopefully you'll be able to get to the bottom of this so that you can reap the benefits in either this relationship or your next one.

 

[Lefty]

J.J.

Honeymoons, Orgasms and complete happiness are NOT 24/7.

You have done a lot of life modification in the past few months.

Maybe you are putting the Cart Before The Horse? This dude is

fun, he doesn't abuse or use. Go, grow, people do a lot of dating,

they even go steady more that once or twice sometimes. Take what

life is offering you now....give what you take....smiles, laughs, support

and even the cranky time of the month bit. He is a friend and if the

benefit part dissipates..oh fuck, thats available all over. A friend through

the thick and the thin, one who 'knows' you is rare.

Okay Uncle Lefty is now off the soapbox.

 

[Seasoned]

The honeymoon always end, but they can and will come back from time to time. There is a phenomenon of being addicted to it which sabotages relationships.

The white lies he tells probably comes from a family where punishment outweighed the "crime." In my opinion equals do not catch one another in known white lies. I think you're wrong when you ask him if he washed the bottom of a pot you know he didn't wash. A better tatic would be to ask him to wash the bottom or better yet to call you so you can do it after he washes the inside.

You seem to have found a good man. The honeymoon takes two to extend. Think about what you can do to bring some honeymoon home tonight. Good luck to you.

 

[gwailo]

Last bf wasn't there for me intimately among other things. My current guy is not lacking (or overbearing) in that area at all. I just feel like I'm having sex with a really good friend...I don't feel that..thing I think I should feel.

On a side note. Lying is lying to me regardless how big or small. If u can lie about one thing you can lie about anything. ...but even though he has white lied a few times to me about stupid stuff just to save himself from getting in trouble (even though he woldnt), he hasn't ever made me feel like he would lie about anything important which is why its so frustrating that he lies about stupid stuff. Why?

And no I've never called him out on his lying but I have questioned a few times for him to explain his response or comment (the lie) and I think in doing so, he knew I knew..

Anyway, I'm 26 if that matters. I don't like being alone and even though initially I didn't thnk this was a selfish rebound to save me from being lonely, I think I may have rushed into a relationship so I didn't have to be alone...

I did like this guy in the beginning and I still do but I don't feel any growth. Any at all. its only been 3 months but I dunno. Shouldn't I be at a different spot by now? I'm really comfortable with him but... aghhhh so many "but"s (and not the sexy ones!)....

 

[wastedtime]

Sex is still good.

We get along really well

We are both kinda goofy

We have a good click

This guy really likes me. He is a wonderful person. He's responsible. Level headed. All the good qualities you could want in a steady relationship.

Reading this at first left me wondering what you were expecting, If you were looking for the trumpets and fireworks, because I'm pretty sure that only happens in movies.
But then I noticed one thing was missing. Are you happy? You don't say.

Even if all the things you said above are true, if you still aren't happy you have two choices. Talk with him about it and try to get to a place where you are happy together, or let it go. Only you can decide if it is worth the effort.

 

[Telstra]

So...

As some of you know, things started out great with my new guy but things are starting to dwindle...

Sex is still good.

We get along really well

We are both kinda goofy

We have a good click

..but something just isn't doing it for me. This guy really likes me. He is a wonderful person. He's responsible. Level headed. All the good qualities you could want in a steady relationship are there but I don't think I am developing deeper feelings for this guy and I know HE is definatly into it probably more so than I am (at least at this time). I don't feel pressured to feel more than I do but at the same time I don't want to lead him along and use him for companionship and physical satisfaction.

Don't get me wrong. I have a GREAT time with him. I'm so frustrated with myself. I've been told by people in several parts of my life (unrealted to eachother) that if they could describe me in one word/statement it would be 'dis-content' (ouch first of all). Am I just not suited for true happiness?

I'm not trying to be all dramatic or anything but I had two boys who were completely into me and now I'm questioning it again.

I try to find little things that piss me off like when he lies about washing the outside or bottom of pots/pans/dishes or other little white lies. Or when he tells other little white lies or just gets stuck up or stubborn with conversations when they aren't going his way... but those things shouldn't matter to me if I really like/love someone.. right? Am I just looking for an excuse?

Aghhhh.. grrrr ...shit.

Sounds like you want control. You want people to obey you.
You have to obey back then. Its a 50 50 relationship.

 

[gwailo]

Knees u bring up a good point about his little fibs (I only used doing the dishes as an example, I didn't ask him if he washed the bottom of stuff. He self proclaimed it and when he doesn't do it EVER its irritating). I won't get into his backstory but the punishment outweighting the crime fits for him. I can try and be a little more considerate about when and what he lies about.

My sisters ex fiance was a compulsive white lier and started lying about his lies and started getting caught up in all sorts of sketchy things and even started lying about bigger stuff and started stealing money and forging names of family members...it got bad..

I don't feel that happening with my guy but its an associated fear I have in a similar vein to the punishment/crime issue..

I know we all have our own things that people aren't going to like...but this wasn't the main issue.

Bottom line. In past relationships boy or girl, I've felt an organic progression that I haven't felt here (even in its infancy).

...

 

[gwailo]

Telstra: I'm not a control freak (at least I don't think I am ). If anything, especially with this relationship, I'm too laid back. I'm not concerned if he doesn't txt/call/see me all day and when I haven't seen him in a while I don't have a billion questions or interrogate him about what he's been up to. And he shows me the same respect. ...though he does look over my shoulder all the time to see who I'm txting which is really fucking annoying. I conciously try not to be on my phone that much around him because I'm trying to hang out with him so I dunno why he is so nosey about it..

I don't want to bring it up cuz I don't want to start a fight about something dumb..

But all of this not being concrend about knowing everything he's done or everywhere he's been brings up another concern...shouldn't I care about this stuff?

Gahhh! Lol jeez..

 

[Telstra]

Control around the house,
how to clean/do things, clean the way you want ... etc.

So, when he tells you how to do things, you get angry yes?

 

[Lefty]

Know what nephew. This guy likes you.......he is obviously more committed
to you than you think you are to him.

White lies.........shit dude. all relationships have white lies and draw flies. I
want you to figure out why Justin is building the wall with such flimsy ass
material as white lies and questions like wheres the fireworks.

Honey, every day is not the Fourth of July. There is a fuck lot more of the
Friday the Thirteenths out there. Right now you got a buddy that will go
trick or treat with you. Go ...enjoy...when it is time to stop...if ever,
you will both know..Too much candy makes you fat and rots your teeth.

Your other uncles and aunts do basic talking, me, I do word pictures....

So picture you and friend having coffee, seeing a movie, telling jokes,
picture yourself at the department store or the liquor store or the grocery
store and seeing something Your Friend would like. Those moments are
some of the week-ends in life.

 

[gwailo]

Actually telstra, we don't tell eachother what to do. We get along really well. I internalize most of my issues because when I give them a chance to simmer or have the opportunity to vent them in such a wonderful outlet like JUB, I get the opportunity to realize a lot of it need not be stressed over.

And eddy u guys can be more like hott older cousins...2nd cousins...by marriage only. You know...so its still legal

 

[gwailo]

Also eddy I do understand what you're saying...preaching

I'm not looking for fireworks..I just don't want to hurt him if I never end up feeling anything more than I do now because he IS such a wonderful guy.

I guess all I can do it try and be happy with how things are and try not to over anal-eze it..

 

[Telstra]

So, problems solved.
Go back to hot sex then ...

 

[sixthson]

It's good for you to realize what the problem is: YOU.

This is not about the honeymoon being over or about him telling little white lies or anything else. This is about you thinking love is all about feelings. Just look how many times you use the word.

 

[gwailo]

I didn't say I was looking for love. I'm looking for a connection and I'm having a hard time finding it. We should stimulate eachother on a deeper level than physical..

 

[redips]

Was there ever a honeymoon phase?

Your title suggests that there was a time when you were very much into him, and this somehow dwindled... but in reading your post, it sounded more like things are going well, but you're just not getting stronger feelings?

 

[altlover85]

And no I've never called him out on his lying but I have questioned a few times for him to explain his response or comment (the lie) and I think in doing so, he knew I knew..

In general, "he knew, I knew" isn't where you want to be. You want to be able to talk about things and get your feelings out on the table. I know that's easier said than done and it may be a bit intense for 3 months in, but at some point you want to get there.

It's good for you to realize what the problem is: YOU.

This is not about the honeymoon being over or about him telling little white lies or anything else. This is about you thinking love is all about feelings. Just look how many times you use the word.

Love isn't all about feelings, but if there aren't strong feelings there, that's not a good sign, IMO.

I didn't say I was looking for love. I'm looking for a connection and I'm having a hard time finding it. We should stimulate eachother on a deeper level than physical..

While you might not be looking for love, I would assume at some point you would like it to go there. I could be wrong, of course.

 

[gwailo]

Alt you're pretty much spot on on all points.

Redips, the newness wore off.. the excitement of getting to know someone new. I guess that's all I meant by the honeymoon phase thing. The newness is dwindling... but usually (at least for ME - everyone is different) by the time the newness fades, a deeper connection has started... so for this connection to not be there by the time MY newness has simmered, it throws up a caution in the back of my mind and heart.


Hrmmm...

 

[Ninja108]

Have you talked with him about any of the issues? We are here as a sounding board,but at the end of the day, telling us these things isn't as important as telling him.