hooked up with a casual friend...need advice

[hothole724]

Hi everyone...

So im looking for advice. Basically here is the situation - I've had a crush on this guy for around a month now even though he isn't my type at all. Anyway, I've slept over at his apartment a couple of times, but we literally just slept and never hooked up. We never really talked after I slept over even though he knew I wanted to hook up with him. Needless to say, I got a vibe that I was into him more than he was into me.

However, the other day, I get a text from him seeing what I'm doing and he invited me over for dinner with him and his roommate. We had a few beers and then one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I'm not upset that we had sex, nor do I regret him and it hasn't been awkward at all with him since. Before we had sex I was like, "I just want to make sure that this doesn't change anything in our friendship" and he said that it didn't.

The only problem is that I think I am actually starting to like him, but I don't want to scare him off by being too clingy so I've been keeping contact to a minimum. I don't want to be the one to text him because I don't want to seem to forceful or into him, but I honestly can't stop thinking about him so it's hard.

So - what are your guys' thoughts? Do I bring up the fact that I may have feelings for him? Or do I understand that maybe all we should be is friends who happen to hook up from time to time? Thanks in advance!

 

[NineOfClubs]

It wouldn't hurt to text him something like "I had a good time with you, it was great fun for me".

 

[Croynan]

leave things alone. if he wants to chat with you about what happened he will do so. right now your mainl goal is to just keep him as a good friend.

eM.

 

[seven2go]

Consider yourself lucky........you had dinner and really REALLY great dessert.
End of story....... .......unless he asks you back for hors d'oeuvres....... .......

 

[KaraBulut]

The only problem is that I think I am actually starting to like him, but I don't want to scare him off by being too clingy so I've been keeping contact to a minimum. I don't want to be the one to text him because I don't want to seem to forceful or into him, but I honestly can't stop thinking about him so it's hard.

So - what are your guys' thoughts? Do I bring up the fact that I may have feelings for him? Or do I understand that maybe all we should be is friends who happen to hook up from time to time? Thanks in advance!

The time to have had that talk was before you both took your pants off.

You said what was important to say:

Before we had sex I was like, "I just want to make sure that this doesn't change anything in our friendship" and he said that it didn't.

For now, it's better to return to being friends. If you get another "dinner invitation" then that would be the time to have the, "Look, I'm not interested in being a booty call. If we're going to be doing the deed on a regular basis, we need to talk about whether we're FWB or whether we want to try dating."

 

[strosbuff88]

So this new found attraction developed now that you've slept with him?

How does that offset you claiming he isn't your "type"?

Could it be that perhaps you have feelings for the "waves" instead of the "ocean" itself?

 

[Shawn1]

Speaking strictly for myself, if there isn't love then there isn't sex. This is because I've found I just can't have sex with someone without getting emotionally involved. So, now I just get the emotional connection first, then

Anyway, go with your heart man, and speak your feelings. You'll never go wrong. It may not always be smooth, easy, or even-keeled, but it has worked out better in the long run for me to be open and honest.

Good luck

 

[Rand]

HH 3 to the 6th - 5,

Like some, I'm confused that he isn't your type, but then he is. If he wasn't your type, why were you interested in him? And since you got the vibe that it was more you being into him, than him being into you, why are you surprised now?

Really think about what you are feeling towards him, and why you feel the way you do about someone "not your type." We would all like to see you happy, we would all like to see you loved. This has the makings for one, but not for both. Or so it seems.

If you really want a committed ltr with him, then talk with him about whether such a relationship is viable and what you need to do to persuade him it would be the best for him also. If your reading of the vibe is true, be prepared for a long battle and possible hurt ego. But if it is what you truly need and want, do you have any other choice?

Celebrate your life,

Rand

 

[Seasoned]

One of the most interesting things about human sexuality is that it can vary from sniffing ass in an alley to romantic candlelight and a bed full of flower pedals. Even if people talk it's not always apparent if two people are on the same page.

Our greatest emotional pain involves losing loved ones. I've had my alley sniffing days and I was lucky I guess that my buds were pretty much the same.

When I started having feelings for guys, I began telling them and again they seemed ok. If we hadn't felt the same way it would have ended, which would have been for the best. What's best? Knowing you're not on the same page or being afraid you're not on the same page?

I say anytime you are worried about a relationship ending and that worry is taking up valuable time, it's probably best to end it or at least put it on hold. Most of life should be about self development and not hand wringing.

I'm not acting superior. I could have won the Academy Award of hand wringing.

 

[joeG23]

chill out. He is a human being not a type. If you like one another enjoy each other's company and friendship. Don't make him conform, enjoy him for being himself and be yourself too.