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Hooking Up & being Dirty

loudmeownow

loudmeownow

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:cool: SO like my friend says I should look into hooking up. Like meeting people on line who e-mail me from personal ads who obviously just want sex. Now i myself would rather have a relationship or freindship before doing anything like.. he says I should just go ahead and do it if I like what i see.

Just that I personaly am not really comfortable with doing that. Like its kinda dirty for. he says i should do it and get experience from it.. but still.

I'm the kind of person who would like to be and feel clean physically and morally for if and when i do meet someone special so that I am not ashamed of something i have done in that past

It could also be that i am still gettin gover my feelings for someone i can;t have who is a big part of my life. Its like if this one guy was my BF i would feel dirty if i had done something like that in the past. But am i putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect... too self ritchouse [or however you spell it]
:rolleyes:
also i would hope who ever i am in a LTR with isn;t liek that either with the hook ups.
 
Don't allow yourself to be pressured into anything. Go with what you want to do and with what you feel happy with. You allready seem to have a good idea what that is so I'd say stick with it and go out looking for that right person. (*8*)
 
Just do what feels right for you. There is nothing wrong with getting to know a guy before you have sex, there is also nothing wrong with hooking up. Chances are if you went ahead and "hooked up" with a stranger, you would'nt enjoy yourself because of the way you feel anyhow. You can't force yourself to enjoy yourself.
 
This is not a put down loudmeownow, but you have a pretty tight idea of what consititutes relationships and life in general. Basically what someone has done in the past is that, the past and it very likely is not what or who they are now, if they are a growth person. Some of us do stupid things and some of us go out and experince life or live it to the fullest, others confine themselves to convents or monasterys holding out until things are perfect in their eyes.

Many times there are held beliefs that we accept without question and hold dear until we die or discover, were not what they were thought to be. I'm not saying holding a certain thought or tradition is wrong, but at least question the premise. This idea of being a virgin is for the most part balderdash, when you hire someone to do an expert job, you want someone with experience, right? What the hell difference is there in wanting good sex by the same standard?

All that is said here is don't latch onto something from misguided preconceived ideas and never question where it comes from. Otherwise you lock yourself away from possibly some of the best experiences in life and when old enough to realize the mistake, it is a sad day for you to question then.
 
It's really a matter of your personal convictions or beliefs. Do what feels right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! :)
 
well sure...you can hook up with lots of people and learn all sorts of fun sexual tricks that way. but honestly, you will learn and experiment with someone you really like anyway so I wouldnt worry about it. I think you probably are hanging on to this guy more than you should. make sure you are dating and meeting people but that doesnt mean you need to go out and screw a bunch of people. when you meet the right guy you will be comfortable enough to try new things and be good at things you havent ever done before! hang in there!
 
I would say that your morals are exactly that... yours. And you shouldn't let anybody pressure you into doing something that doesn't feel right for you.

And I'm gonna have to disagree with Jayhew here...

This idea of being a virgin is for the most part balderdash, when you hire someone to do an expert job, you want someone with experience, right? What the hell difference is there in wanting good sex by the same standard?
Click to expand...
I don't think you have to have experience to have good sex. I KNOW that experience in kissing doesn't make it good. I mean, sex is not some trade you need to learn. And actually, I think if you just sleep around, that's kind of how you see it... as mechanical.

So do what you want. There really isn't anything your missing out on by not hooking up if that's not your thing and don't let others persuade you differently.
 
loudmeownow said:
...I'm the kind of person who would like to be and feel clean physically and morally for if and when i do meet someone special so that I am not ashamed of something i have done in that past...
Click to expand...

I think you said it all right there!
Don't cave into the pressure and do something out of character which may have some serious if not life long (or life shortening) consequences.



.
 
loudmeownow said:
:cool: SO like my friend says I should look into hooking up. Like meeting people on line who e-mail me from personal ads who obviously just want sex. Now i myself would rather have a relationship or freindship before doing anything like.. he says I should just go ahead and do it if I like what i see.

Just that I personaly am not really comfortable with doing that. Like its kinda dirty for. he says i should do it and get experience from it.. but still.

I'm the kind of person who would like to be and feel clean physically and morally for if and when i do meet someone special so that I am not ashamed of something i have done in that past

It could also be that i am still gettin gover my feelings for someone i can;t have who is a big part of my life. Its like if this one guy was my BF i would feel dirty if i had done something like that in the past. But am i putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect... too self ritchouse [or however you spell it]
:rolleyes:
also i would hope who ever i am in a LTR with isn;t liek that either with the hook ups.
Click to expand...
Don't do it.
Sex is overrated.
Keep your wits about you and move forward.
 
I have nop clue why JEwhey would even bring up the whole virgin thing... since no one was even talking about it.

This idea of being a virgin is for the most part balderdash, when you hire someone to do an expert job, you want someone with experience, right? What the hell difference is there in wanting good sex by the same standard?
Click to expand...

I know what morals are.. I know where they stem from and I know what they mean.. but thats not the question here... and it never was. Cause technically the whole morals thing would make all us gays wrong anyways... My focus was hooking up. And I am not big on the thought of hooking up with strangers and or randomly... its not a religion thing like he brought up convents and stuff its a "Ew how many dicks been in yo mouth?!" kinda thing ha ha , I am funny.. no ownder my coworker I think wants me.

Another thing i don't noramlly do like is talk sex and stuff like many guys seems to do on here and and in chat rooms.. I don't kiss and tell... and thats a respect thing not a moral thing... I don't like people knowsing my business, if they aren't part of it. So many chat conversations end early when they relize i am not about to tell my "size" or what and who i done in the past
 
Its up to you, what you are comfortable, and don't let someone pressure you into it. I don't think personnally there is anything morally wrong with hook ups, they can be good fun, and I view sex as a natural and fun act, to enjoy with who you like, but that is MY personnal view and not yours, and therefore, from what you have asked, does not matter. So do what you feel is right and stick to your rules and don't worry about what other people think.
 
well i dont know mate.its something different talking with someone bout sex and having sex with someone you dont know well.

maybe your friend is right.why dont you just give it a try and if you dont like it then stop it.
 
KURTWILD... you get tons of props from me for the name and the signature, thats one of my fav movies and albums ever.

I guess its true that I do know what I want. Maybe its more just a matter of not having anyone to hook up with in general. Maybe if my past was more wild with more guys coming on to me and what not I'd have a different outlook. But then again you would think somone who doesn't get hit on would be quicker for a hook up.

In the end i guess i knew the answer to my own question... maybe it was just because my freind, whome i respect alot, was the one who said it to me was what made me question my own standing.
 
You may always have a struggle between the part of you that wants to feel safe and close to a guy first before having sex and the part of you that wants it NOW. I wonder if that is what is happening here? Are you secretly attracted to the idea of being with someone physically as easily as answering an online ad?

I'm like you. I need to feel comfortable with the guy first. That is what works best for me. But there are Saturday nights when I wish I could just have it now.
 
First and foremost, you should do what you consider comfortable. However, I find your repeated use of the word 'dirty' to describe sex to be a bit disconcerting. It's one thing to rationally decide that random hookups aren't for you because of comfort, feelings of emptiness afterwards, concern about STDs, emotional attachment, etc. It's quite another to view such sex acts as somehow inherently wrong and dirty. In my experience, people tend to react that way because it's what they've been taught by their religion or culture not because they've reasoned through it.

I'd encourage you to think more about why you feel the way you do. Obviously, you have some doubts about the way you feel or you wouldn't have started this thread.
 
the whole dirty word come from the association of .. dirty.. yeah morally and dirty in the sence that emotion and romatic feeling are not needed to connect in a physical sence. As far as religion and what not.. you say it like its a bad thing to have the beleifes that one might have been taught.

Either way... my point was not about my use of the word dirty. But with the use of the owrd you did get the point i was tryingt o make,... so thats what matters.

I kinda get the feeling you might feel almost offended that i used the word dirty in the context that I did.
 
I'm not offended by your use of the word. I'm just concerned how your beliefs (and how you came by them) are interacting with your desires.

I'll be the first to admit my own background biases me against religion. I was raised by my parents to be agnostic and to question certain institutionalized beliefs. There's nothing inherently wrong with beliefs that are taught (in fact, it's necessary for any society that needs to function), but I think it's important to consider what you've been taught and not accept it on blind faith just because somebody else (who you may or may not respect) has taught it to you.

Personally, I don't see the connection between sex acts and actual filth, but I do recognize that a lot of people take that connection very seriously still.
 
You should never do anything that you are uncomfortable with. I know what you mean by feeling "dirty" and in a way I wish I hadn't of hooked up so I wouldn't feel the same when I found that special someone. I can't do anything now to change the past but I can change how I live from now on. Good luck.
 
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