How a d&m with the guy im seeing

[bleedlikeme]

And he said:
"im very interested in u i have been for like a year.. i love spending time with u.. so i wouldnt say testing the waters
but when it comes to take it to the next level im sure we will both know"

"i think we should keep going how we are atm
and see what happens?"

He just wants to continue with how things are but I'm crazy for him, i'd make him my boyfriend now if I could.
Also said:
"i still find it weird when u say things like "im crazy about you"
so thats probably why i can be a bit distant sometimes
cause u always made me feel like u were too good for me..".

At the moment we basically hang out, watch movies, go shopping and have sex.


How should i take his responses?

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

So you haven't told him you want move the relationship to the next level? Personally, I get alittle annoyed when people say "you're too good for me" or stuff I like that. I wish they would just take the compliment and remove the self doubt. I say just be honest with him, and if you want to pursue the relationship make it clear to him you do. If he is too nervous or freaked out to deal with that maybe he isn't the guy for you. Btw, how long has this relationship been going on?

 

[TX-Beau]

Ok first off, that's a little confusing as to who is saying what. Also the context is missing.

How old are you both? How long have you been dating? etc.

I'm also assuming that that's some kind of text conversation? If so, why are you having this kind of discussion over text?

This is one of those situations where advice is going to differ depending on how long you've been dating. If you've been dating for ten years and are still having this issue that's very different from if you've been dating for a month.

Also I'm not sure if you want advice about how to get him to commit, or advice on how to deal with him not committing.

Generally you can't force someone to go faster than they're willing to go. Trying will cause problems. He obviously isn't where you are, you can hang around and wait, or you can leave, but you can't make him be in the same place you are.

You should take his responses at face value, it certainly seems like he's being pretty clear to me. Also, in the future, do this face to face, you get a whole lot more information that way.

 

[bleedlikeme]

OK, so basically we've been friends for a year and we'd see each other maybe every 6-8 weeks and usually sleep together.

I told him about a month ago that I wanted to take it further.
Since then we've been hanging out, going to places etc.

But I've been unsure exactly where I stand. I want to be his boyfriend and commit but obviously he isn't ready just yet and wants to continue with how things are atm - as he points it "seeing each other".

But the whole "well see what happens" gets me a bit concerned - what does that mean you know??

We are both 21.

 

[bokan800]

Don't get your hopes up too much... it's hard but just take your time.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, so basically we've been friends for a year and we'd see each other maybe every 6-8 weeks and usually sleep together.

I told him about a month ago that I wanted to take it further.
Since then we've been hanging out, going to places etc.

But I've been unsure exactly where I stand. I want to be his boyfriend and commit but obviously he isn't ready just yet and wants to continue with how things are atm - as he points it "seeing each other".

But the whole "well see what happens" gets me a bit concerned - what does that mean you know??

We are both 21.

OK, well, it's good news then. Young guys generally want to be young guys, on the negative side, that means they are leery of commitment, or don't really understand it. On the plus side, you have a lot of time to work it out.

More good news, you haven't been together for long at all, which means it's unlikely he's playing you. Since you've only been together a month or so, I'd say it's way too early to be having serious commitment discussions. Let it ride for awhile, have a good time, relax. It'll get there when it does. He won't commit to you if you pressure him and schitz about commitment, and inject all kinds of anxiety into your relationship this early on. Let it be just what it is for awhile. Enjoy what you have, the beginning is always the most fun for me, and if it becomes a chore after a month, I'm gone.

By the way, that's a two way street, you need to be getting something out of this too. If you're both enjoying each other, that puts you on a solid foundation for later.

You can't rush these things.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh and yeah, if I say something like "see what happens," that usually means for me that I'm intrigued, but don't have enough information and experience of the guy to make concrete decisions.

If it's any consolation, every one of my serious relationships started with a "See what happens." But then he's not me, so he could mean something completely different

It may simply mean he's having fun with things as they are and isn't ready to move on yet.

And truthfully, you two are still in the dating phase, like I said, it's way too soon to be talking forever.

 

[bleedlikeme]

Thanks TX-Beau! You've really cleared things up and made me feel a bit better!

I guess I should hold off the $80 easter present i got him and love heart chocolates.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, it depends. It's not really about the amount of money per se - within reason that is. It's more about appropriateness. IF I ask out some guy I like, dinner and drinks are going to run more than $80.00. But that's not an issue because it's not inappropriate.

What you want to avoid is going from dating to married in the blink of an eye, and all signs that that's what you've done. Despite what you think, you don't really know this guy yet, and he doesn't really know you. You seem to be in the infatuation phase, and that's nice, but it isn't really love yet. Get back to us in a year or two when he's in your space 24/7, and you know his pros and cons, you've had time to really notice all those annoying little things he does, and if you still want to commit to him, that's what I'd call love.

For a lot of guys, getting really personal kinds of gifts - whatever they cost, really early on is kinda creepy. Just censor yourself. Ask yourself if what you're doing is reasonable for a relationship at the stage you're at.

Instead of buying him things, why not take him out for the night, do something instead of buy something. Does he like live music? Museums? Comic book conventions? Video games? If he's one of those guys who spend a lot of time playing games on the TV, maybe get him one of those, then spend time playing together. Bottle of Champagne is always nice, for me that is, and it's something nice, that I probably wouldn't buy just for myself, that I'd enjoy sharing, and it's not inappropriate for early on.

If I got some kind of jewelry or something declaring undying love a month in, that would be a red flag in my head.

Remember, you need to be yourself, but you also want him to see you as someone who's easy to be with, and fun to be around, that's what will keep him coming back. So avoid doing anything that implies too far too fast, especially since he already told you he wants to go slow.

As to the love heart chocolates, is that really an Easter kind of thing? If I'm actually going to buy holiday gifts for guys I'm dating - and I usually will only do that at Christmas - I'll try to inject some kind of humor into it.

Good luck.