How can I become comfortable being on top?

[quamquam91]

Hi everyone,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and I know that he loves to bottom. I've only been able to top him once or twice during our relationship; otherwise, he's topped me.

I would like to fuck him but I can't stay hard. I get halfway hard and then it wilts. Going without an orgasm for a week or so helps, but not enough. Concentrating on how it feels for him also helps--but also not enough.

Getting fucked makes me feel attractive and desirable, and my appetite for this reassurance seems bottomless (ha). It also takes the pressure off me: I don't have to stay hard the whole time. Often, I'm not erect even though I'm feeling a great deal of mental and physical pleasure. It's very rare for me to become fully erect. Even when I come, my penis is often barely hard. At age 21 this is frustrating.

He doesn't put any pressure on me and is quick to assure me that he likes topping me, but I would like to offer him a change of pace. He is very sweet and patient.

I know that I would enjoy fucking him, and I know it's what he really wants from me. Bottoming all the time makes me feel greedy and subservient, as well as inadequate.

What are some techniques I can use to get hard enough to fuck him?

 

[fetaby]

If you're 21 and having problems maintaining erection you need a DR. Who will tell you if there is something going on in your physiology or psychology that is preventing you from your "goal".

 

[G-Lexington]

Go shopping for a Dildo Seriously. Your goal is to make him feel good, and if you're spending your time panicked about the current state of your own dick, then you won't be able to do that. So just buy a toy in a size he'll like, and use that instead.

Lex

 

[quamquam91]

Since I'm very active and a runner, I doubt it's poor circulation or something else requiring a doctor's attention.

My sex drive is low; sex is just an expression of affection for me. Animal lust is rare.

At this point, the wilting seems to happen more out of habit than anything else. It's something I expect, so it happens.

Surely someone else has had similar problems and come up with ways to address them.

 

[quamquam91]

I understand where you're coming from, G-Lexington. Toys have always seemed gross and fake to me, and like something I "shouldn't need," but I'll ask him if he'd be interested in using one. He has had me finger him before. I don't like it but he seems to.

 

[fetaby]

Since I'm very active and a runner, I doubt it's poor circulation or something else requiring a doctor's attention.

My sex drive is low; sex is just an expression of affection for me. Animal lust is rare.

At this point, the wilting seems to happen more out of habit than anything else. It's something I expect, so it happens.

Surely someone else has had similar problems and come up with ways to address them.

Okay Dr. Runner.... Have you had your testosterone checked?

Also, is this thread more about trying to please your partner or fix your dick?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Toys have always seemed gross and fake to me, and like something I "shouldn't need"...

No, you don't "need" toys...if you enjoy topping, if you have a healthy libido, and if you don't have any problem staying hard when you top a guy. But apparently, you don't (really), you don't (really), and you do.

Lex

 

[quamquam91]

I guess what I'm mostly looking for is advice on how I can learn to enjoy pleasing my partner--even with fingers or toys if that's what I have to do.

I already do this to an extent: It's common for me to get him off without getting much out of it myself, because he has a stronger sex drive than I do.

I know that being with someone who couldn't stay hard would make me feel shitty--"what's wrong with me? what's wrong with him? this is boring."

He seems to take it in stride, but I would like to do better.

Maybe I just want to commiserate!

 

[fetaby]

I think you need to communicate these desires to him first and foremost. Don't leave him in the dark as to what's going on with you. It'll strengthen the relationship and he will be able to communicate to you his wants and needs as well.

Then you can both decide what the best course of action is going to be for each of you. If that's getting a toy, or going to the Dr. for a Rx of cialis, or just having an understanding that you're trying your best to please him.

But whatever you two decide, you have to follow through and make good on what you say.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I know that being with someone who couldn't stay hard would make me feel shitty--"what's wrong with me? what's wrong with him? this is boring."

It wouldn't make me feel shitty, so long as he made it clear that he was enjoying himself. I've gone to bed with guys, and it ended up that I reached orgasm and they didn't. I asked if they wanted me to get them off, and they said "No, that's fine - I still had an amazing time". And their words, and the way they said them, made me believe them.

Lex

 

[hotatlboi]

I think you are way to quick to say there couldn't be a medical condition.

Being 21 and having a low sex drive is a rather rare condition itself.

 

[AlmondMilk]

It wouldn't make me feel shitty, so long as he made it clear that he was enjoying himself.

I'd feel different. No matter what, I'd still have those concerns that I'm not giving it to him enough. Perhaps there's some underlying stress or nerves that are preventing you from getting a complete erection? Have you tried some major foreplay? Perhaps a long warm bath, massage, teasing, etc.

And as fetaby suggested, perhaps getting testosterone checked wouldn't be a bad idea. Don't rule things out just because they may seem obvious. I mean, girls start going to the GYN around 13-18 years old. Yes men don't have to deal with bearing children, but I doubt mother nature would let men go off the hook. Point is that we have to take care of ourselves...even the parts that we may not want to discuss openly. Doctors have that insight that google fails to provide.

 

[Chip12414]

tried Viagra?