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How Can I Come Out to My Doctor?

J

Jayfkme

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Last March I was helping a new doctor in our town move some furniture to his new home. He had contracted with my employer to store his belongings etc until he moved here. He attempted to pay me for helping him but I refused telling him - No, I don't mind helping, anyways you could end up being my doctor. He looked at me and rubbed his hand across his thigh saying -I'd like to be your doctor. At the time I wasn't sure if I was just making something up or if he was really interested in me. Well to make a long story short, he was assigned to be my doctor after my current doctor left town. I would like to be able to tell him that I am bisexual and that I do have sexual get-togethers with men from time to time. I hesitate, because both my doctor and I are married men and also he his about 20 years younger than me. I would like for him to know that I have relations with men - especially since he is my doctor and he should know for my health treatment. Should I come out to him? and if so, how can I do it in an acceptable way? He is originally from Pakistan and that may complicate things a bit because I am not sure how his culture feels about homosexuality. He did however practice in New York City for a long time. What should I do guys?
 
I think that you should tell him. I don't really see anything bad happening. You're both grown ups.
 
I've never had a doctor who had any trouble with my homosexuality. Next time it's at all relevant, tell him.

Lex
 
Jayfkme said:
He is originally from Pakistan and that may complicate things a bit because I am not sure how his culture feels about homosexuality.
Click to expand...

The question is not where he is from, it is whether he has more Western attitudes toward homosexuality. The dominant religion in Pakistan is islam. Muslims are not very tolerant of homosexuality. There is a tacit tolerance of male extra-marital affairs, however.

Your doctor does not need to know what you do or with whom. The exam and treatment should be the same whether you're gay, straight or anything in between.

Assuming of course that this is about your medical needs and not your desire to have your doctor join you in your "sexual get-togethers with men".
 
My bf went for a check up w/a new doctor. The doc asked are married ,single,widowed?? any children

My bf said single no kids..

Then he said are you homosexual
bf said yes..


That was it end of story. He cant tell anyone so whats that issue...
 
Your doctor should know and he/she is someone you can have the discussion with safely

In my situation I just made reference to my "partner" and used the word "he"

I don't think my doctor would have reacted differently had I said "wife" and the word "she"

This is something you need to do at your next appointment
 
I have a similar problem with telling my doctor, but the main reason I have the problem is because I used to be good friends with my doctor's son, and it would be an incredibly awkward experience. However, if this were not the case, then I would most likely tell my doctor if the opportunity arose during a checkup.
 
Don't forget about Doctor/Patient confidentiality. He/she cannot reveal your sexuality to anyone

Physicians are professionals and they've heard everything. This will be mild compared to what their other patients have revealed
 
M4P said:
Don't forget about Doctor/Patient confidentiality. He/she cannot reveal your sexuality to anyone

Physicians are professionals and they've heard everything. This will be mild compared to what their other patients have revealed
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, physicians write history and physicals. Your sexual preference often ends up in your history and physical where anyone who views your medical record will see it. This includes your insurance company.

Back in the 1980s, sexual orientation was asked more commonly in assessing HIV risk. These days, it's the behavior (IV drug use, unprotected sex) not the orientation that is considered the risk factor. These days sexual orientation is largely irrelevant to most practitioners- with the possible exception of psychotherapists or when you are completing a medical power of attorney.
 
What's up doc? I'm so sorry I had to.

Anyhoo if you don't tell him where's the harm.
 
I have extremely limited contact with doctors, however I do not really know if I could muster the courage to just say 'hey, by the way.' No matter how professional someone is, their personal code of ethics does hold sway. I am sure the doctor I have now could give a care, but still.

Interestingly, however, I did once visit a dermatologist for a nasty case of scabies I picked up in a hotel on a trip down to Texas. When prescribing the treatment, he of course asked of everyone I had been having close contact with, and he actually distinctly asked 'Do you have a girlfriend--- boyfriend?' That sort of blindsided me. I am sure he could read the trepidation in my 'no.'
 
Yes, doctors have a personal code of ethics. But if they're really uncomfortable about hearing about things like adultery and homosexuality, then they tend not to get jobs as general practictioners, where they're bound to run into these things on a semi-regular basis.

Lex
 
"As my doctor, you need to know that I am gay and sexually active."
 
Thanks for all of the suggestions and comments guys! I saw him last week but could not get the nerve to say anything. I'll be seeing him again in 4 weeks so perhaps then I can use some of your advice. I had thought about emailing him but maybe that would not be the right way.
 
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