How can I PLEASE STOP these feelings? (and maybe be happy?)

[menRsexii]

I put myself through so much pain and anguish sometimes and really, i realize it's stupid but sometimes I just cannot get over the hump.

Basically, I'm dating this great guy. He's cute and awesome in a lot of ways, but just as in times before, jealousy has come in and I fear beginning to threaten what we have so far.

It's a small world and basically my guy is friends with a guy I used to talk to on grindr a little while back. This guy is, in my opinion, super super cute (totally my type -- physically) but of course he never wanted to meet with me. Why am I still obsessing over it, I honestly don't know and I really wish I could stop. But now I hear my guy has played wingman for mr. attractive tonight and the guy is basically getting laid (which doesn't surprise me because he's super good-looking). Goddamn would I be lying if I said I didn't wish it was me with him tonight. But alas, it seems the guys I'm always super attracted to never want me.

How to I get over envy and jealousy/ change my "type" of guy? I'm always looking at the grass is always greener, I think and, God, I really, REALLY hate that about myself. Why on Earth can I not just be happy with what I've already got?? It is so frustrating to me, but sometimes thoughts of jealousy become obsessive and it's hard to rid of them.

I'm sorry for the rant and large amount of text to whomever angels are reading this (much appreciated!!) Please don't tell me I'm acting childish, because I already know this. I'm asking if anyone has been in a similar situation before and how I can possibly get over it/ change my outlook?

*It also probably doesn't help that I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which in turn not only makes me want to get with these type of guys, but also want to physically BE them/ look like them. I feel like there are so many attractive guys around me that I'll never have a chance with and that my looks will never compare, I won't be good enough. Honestly, it may sound like a joke to you guys, but it is torture for me. And yes, I realize it's a petty problem in the scheme of things, but it is my problem and it's making it hard for me to enjoy life at times, so it's something that needs fixing.

I hate always doubting myself. But it's a constant struggle in my head, trying to find reasons as to why I am good enough/ worthy of love and other "great" things life has to offer. Ughh.

Goddamn it -- never f*cking good enough. I never feel happy about myself, truly happy. Always something wrong. I just feel like if I looked the way I wanted and was able to get the type of guys I so desperately lust after... maybe my quality of life would be more... enjoyable? Carefree? ... It honestly, at times, makes complete logical sense in my head.

Ok, I'm sick. Thanks for listening.

/rant

Peace out.

 

[rareboy]

There's no one on JUB who likely can actually help you.

All you'll likely get is the usual stroking about how you shouldn't think that your looks and body aren't good enough and that it is more about your brains and personality....or that you shouldn't be jealous just because you didn't land the fish you wanted......none of which will help you in the least.

What you need is a clinical understanding of the roots of your unhappiness and dysmorphia.

This is between you and your therapist.

 

[pausanias_usa]

Great answer, rareboy! From an intellectual standpoint, be glad he is a "wingman" and not the target of the other guy's affection.

Being aware of these feelings is the first step. Try to keep a nonchalant attitude in front of your boyfriend, as hard as that may be; you don't want to put strain on the relationship by showing those feelings.

 

[Kabluey]

If someone's not attracted to you, then leave them alone.
Don't mess around the guy who is.
You're fixating on things that are without purpose or meaning. You know it's not healthy.

 

[checkinthingsout]

If someone's not attracted to you, then leave them alone.
Don't mess around the guy who is.
You're fixating on things that are without purpose or meaning. You know it's not healthy.

My sentiments exactly. Seek therapy, as the above is really the only advice that can be given on this site.

 

[sixthson]

You say that you don't feel good enough, but when you refer to your bf, you imply he is not cute enough or awesome enough. At least, not as cute, awesome and perfect as the guy you really want. This is pretty unfair to the guy you are dating, don't you think.
It sounds like you will destroy this relationship.
Rareboy suggests correctly that you need help that we cannot give you. Our simple advices do no compare to the professional help required. No one is laughing at you and we respond because we want you to improve your life.

Just out of curiosity, if you are as average as you say, why do you place so much focus on guys who are probably out of your league? Don't you think it healthy to get help to change this?

One other thing: if you are looking for others to make you complete and happy, you are setting yourself up for heartbreat. No one else can be your all-in-all.

Good luck.

 

[menRsexii]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond. I had a little breakdown last night, not actually a break down -- more like some thoughts entered my mind and I had a rough moment and this was the result. I realize how ridiculous I'm being and I do have a therapist. Maybe I'll make another appointment soon...

Just a moment of weakness and I needed to express my thoughts on paper, so to speak.

@sixthson: I'm still on the fence about believing whether or not leagues are actually a real thing or more just a concept perpetuated by what societal standards instill in us.

 

[Seasoned]

Therapy is the way to go. When self analysis isn't enough to make changes to bring about peace of mind, other interventions are necessary. What's happened is that you've identified your problem and somehow feel worse about yourself because you haven't been able to fix it on your own. You've become critical of yourself for having the problem, which, in effect, has given you an additional problem.