How did you come out to your parents?

[Lasosa]

I started coming out around six months ago, and in that time, I've done just about everybody. My closest friends, my cousins, my brother, etc. It's gone great, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier. I can't, however, figure out the best way to go about telling my parents.

My parents have been married for 25 years and are very happy together. I have a very, very different relationship with both of them, though. I can't seem to figure out if I should tell them both individually or together. It's mostly Dad that I'm worried about. It'll be easier for me to tell him in front of my Mom, but at the same time, it would probably be better for us if I could have a chance to discuss it with just him.

Anyway, I'm not really looking for direct advice (though it is always appreciated), rather, I'd just like to hear some stories. Did your parents relationship with each other affect how you came out to them? Did you tell them together or individually? How'd it go? etc.? etc.?

 

[landers]

My parents are divorced so it really wasn't an option to tell them together. I told my mom first because I thought she'd take it better. I told her over the phone, she was several thousand miles away on vacation. She said she knew....

Dad I told several months later, he was also on vacation and I sent him an email. His reply was a very unsurprised "well no shit".

 

[Za-Ja-BoManner]

My parents are also divorced and I told them separately.

My father pretty much figured it out when I was around 15 when he discovered my porn stash; questioned me "Are you gay?" To my reply of "I don't know" followed by "Well when you figure it out, let me know." I actually told him about a year later.

My mother I told when I was 16. She was driving me home from soccer, I told her I had something to tell her, but she had to guess what it was. We drove for about an hour with my poor mother wracking her brain trying to figure out what it was:

"Are you on drugs?" - No
"Are you sick?" - No
"Did you get someone pregnant" - lol No

....

"Are you gay?" - ........."Maybe?"

This followed with her saying repeatedly "That's ok, that's ok"

Once back home, I hear her through the bedroom door on the phone with my grandmother crying - lol

They're both fine with it now.

 

[G-Lexington]

I took the coward's way out. My sister offered to tell them, and I told her to go ahead. My father was a bit concerned (he's Catholic), but my mother was supportive from the get-go. She asked, "Should I join that P-FLAG group?" I told her, "Only if you are having issues with it." She said, "No, I think I can handle it." She and Dad have been great ever since.

Lex

 

[DarthWufei]

Well, parents never got married. My dad left when my mom was pregnant with me, so I only had to deal with telling my mom. I think my mom always had a sneaking suspensions, mainly due to the fact that I never showed any interest with girls at school. Then in like 8th grade I think it was, she found my porn. She freaked out and just barraged me with questions about being gay. To which I just cried and denied it.

Wasn't until after I graduated high school that I made it official. I also came out to my friends around this time. I don't remember exactly how it came up, but she asked me if I was gay. I just told her the truth and surprisingly she was really supportive. We had a long talk about how it doesn't change anything, and i'm still her son so she'll always love me.

Though it's not to say that she's totally come to terms with it. We're still getting through it, we're just used to it now.

 

[luminum]

I was 16. My aunt and uncle found some porn I thought I had erased on their computer. They called my folks at 1:20am and my folks called me into the room. There was really no way to get out of it without labeling either my dad's best friend or my cousin as the gay porn viewers (which my folks almost encouraged me to do) so I told them the truth.

They didn't take it well, and I was a wreck for about two or three weeks, but eventually things settled. My friends already knew (I told them earlier) and I had support from my cousin (who said I should have just blamed it on him) and my sister. My folks still don't agree with it and earlier, we used to have fights, but they've sort of accepted it as a reality that won't change any time soon, but still register their disapproval.

 

[timesquare101]

I'm going through exactly the same situation. I really want to come out, but I'm not sure how to go about it. It's just my dad who I'm worried about. I so badly want to tell my mum, but I know if i tell her individually, she'll spend her time worrying constantly about how my dad will react when I eventually tell him the news. I think it would also anger my dad if he knew I told my mum first. That's why I think its probably best I tell them together. It's just all about timing.

 

[bokan800]

For years they thought I was transgendered because I was progressively "looking" more like a female based on my appearance and other shit.

Me and my mom had a serious conversation in the dining room about "identity crisis".

"I just want you to know that no matter what we love you, if you feel like you're a girl that's ok, if not that's fine too."

I said, "Girl? what do you mean?" "I don't want to be a girl, I'm just gay."

She replied, "Oh..."

 

[jaydeec]

Before I could get the guts to tell anyone else, I told my sister because I knew she would be supportive about it. She didn't think I should tell our parents, but I really wanted to anyway.

Later that week we went out to eat as a family and brought two cars because we all didn't fit in one. On the way home my parents drove separate vehicles and I was riding with my mom. It was kind of late and and I wanted to tell her but I was afraid the conversation would last too long so I simply told her that I had something I wanted to tell her the next day.

It turns out that after we got home my mom and sister had a bit of a chat. My mom asked my sister what she thought it was I wanted to tell her. My sister told me about this later and said our mom was trying to guess what it was, everything from school to a possible girlfriend; she even asked my sister if I was gay adding that she hoped not. My sister knew what I wanted to tell her but she didn't spoil anything.

The next morning I went out by the pool where my mom usually has her morning cigarette and sat down with her. She asked me what was on my mind so I just started talking. I talked about how I had been feeling and how I didn't want to lie to her anymore and stuff like that. I had heard about what her and my sister had talked about and the "I hope not" statement I mentioned earlier so I was having a really hard time just telling her directly.

So I asked her if she had any guesses about what I was trying to say and gave her a hint that she hoped it wasn't true. She looked at me for a moment and said she had a few guesses and that I was right, she hopes she's wrong. I figured there was no going back so I just told her.

She wasn't supportive at all but she didn't get angry or over react or anything. She told me what she believed on the subject and admitted that she could believe something and be wrong.

I still haven't told my dad. My mom is sure he wouldn't take it well and she's even asked me to not tell him. To me this is upsetting and I don't really know what I should do.

That was all over a year ago and a lot has changed as far as how conservative I am about keeping this a secret. I haven't really told anyone else, but I'm not trying to hide it either.

 

[luminum]

For years they thought I was transgendered because I was progressively "looking" more like a female based on my appearance and other shit.

Me and my mom had a serious conversation in the dining room about "identity crisis".

"I just want you to know that no matter what we love you, if you feel like you're a girl that's ok, if not that's fine too."

I said, "Girl? what do you mean?" "I don't want to be a girl, I'm just gay."

She replied, "Oh..."

Haha, that's really cute.

Nacreous: You're incredibly lucky. Good for you.

 

[sabot3ur]

they had suspicions, and I originally left stupid little clues so I wouldn't actually have to tell them lmao.

that didn't get things rolling very well, I was still much in the closet. so I told my sister. apparently my mom kept badgering my sister with questions, she wasn't sure either way but my dad pretty much knew I was. one day we were talking (mom and I), and I said "you do know that I'm gay, right?" and on came the questions as she wasn't sure I was sure hahaha. she told my dad by that night because I didn't get to talk to him before, and we talked about it the next day.

and good good luck to you! it seems like the hardest thing in the world to do at the time, but afterwards it's SUCH a relief!

 

[sb]

I had came out to everybody except for my mother and I didn't hide it so she had obviously heard rumours and asked me and I told her. More often than not she likes to pretend my sexuality doesn't exist or is the opposite to what it is.

I think a good parent would already know before they are told.

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

I didn't have to they already knew. So they say.

 

[luminum]

Ooops, I forgot to say the most important part: Although I regret how my parents found out, I have never regretted my parents knowing. Coming out to them made my life a lot better. Although it was turbulent at first, it pays off in the end.

I completely agree. I wish I had been able to tell my parents in a more dignified manner, but I never wish that it hadn't happened. It was a crappy situation, but it pushed me out of the closet with them and I never regret for a moment being out.