How did you fit in as a child?

[doctorsun]

Did you get along with other kids? Did you get along with other boys? Were you the weird kid playing alone in the corner?

I never got along with most of the other boys in my classes. I only ever had a couple real friends with whom I could play at recess. They were other outcasts like I was, though. I noticed almost immediately upon entering kindergarten that I wasn't like the other kids and certainly nothing like the other boys. All of the other boys in my kindergarten class would play with the Ninja Turtle toys and I'd just want to play house with the girls. I also realized that I was smarter than a lot of the kids in my classes. I wasn't one of the gifted kids (although, they tended to be outcasts like I was, so I got along with them), but I knew that I saw things differently and to me it seemed like most of the people around me were completely brain-dead. I guess my cynicism blossomed early. I was always the fat kid and I have a speech impediment, so those things threw me even farther outside of popular cliques. People liked me well enough, they just didn't want to do anything with me and, honestly, I didn't want to do anything with them, either. I never had any interest in associating with these kids who I thought were only tolerating me at best and than whom I knew I was smarter. So, I had a pretty lonely childhood, which turned into an even lonelier adolescence.

 

[G-Lexington]

As a child, I got along pretty well. I can't say as I was swimming in friends, but I had several. We moved when I was 11, which meant starting over in the friend department just about when I started adolescence. That kinda sucked.

Lex

 

[Nomenclature]

Most of the kids would tell me to go play with someone else, or to go play alone or something. I did nothing wrong, but I guess they just didn't like me that much.

I'd always have one good friend at a time, but after a few weeks or months, they would ALWAYS move away and we'd lose contact.

 

[JetSetJake]

Basically I didn't - but I'm sure I'm happier with my life now than the bullies are with theirs lol.

 

[Audio Tech]

About average. I had friends, a few good one's. But I wouldn't say I was popular or out going. I mostly did my own thing. I never CARED about fitting in, really.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

I was more like the OP - the boys certainly didn't like me - cuz i couldn't catch a ball to save my life -- totally uncoordinated - even at that level -- and i was the "chubby 4 eyes" so not only could i not catch - I couldn't run fast either -- (I became a 2 letter swimmer -- cuz I could swim faster than i could run) - and i didn't get what all the hitting was about - boys punching other boys on the arm all the time - CONSTANTLY - howfucking stupid was that?
and then the shit hit the fan -when I took typing and shorthand in Highschool - but the girls liked me cuz i was an "oddity" and i could type faster than them !!
So- hell no- I didn't fit in - at any grade level - The swim team and the letter sweater saved me from being a total homo -dork with my rep for being the only boy in shorthand class. I didn't need to try to get into Home Ec -- I already knew how to cook for myself and the family !!!

Do i sound like a good catch now? hehehhee

 

[xseeker69]

doctorsun, I'm pretty much like you in growing up. I was an underweight baby with serious medical problems (and still have the permanent scars to prove it). I didn't even go to kindergarden, I was in and out of hospitals. So i learned to be by myself at a very early age. the other kids had no interest in me at all. I didn't care for them either. They were reading dick and jane, I was reading encyclopedias and science books. As a teen, my weight went way out of control, probably due to stress, medical problems, and abuse by a parent. By this time, other kids were turning into bullies. I hated and despised them. I had one guy was a friend from gradeschool to a bit beyond high school. Then he drifted away. I miss him sometimes. The only kids I really played with were my one good friend, two female cousins and a few male cousins.

 

[hotb0d]

I was a good child, I made friends with everyone but I did have more girl friends than guy friends. I guess I was subconsciously picking out my fag hags early in life.

 

[Ephemeral]

From Pre-K-1st Grade, I mostly played with boys. I wrestled, played tag, Power Rangers (I always chose to be the blue ranger while all the other boys fought to be the red ranger). I was gentler, quieter, and more well-behaved than the other boys, but they still invited me to play.

Then I did a 180 when I moved to another school in 2nd Grade. I don't know what happened, but I found myself surrounded by girls. I still had boys as close friends, but I had so many fag hags. LOL

As the years went on, I felt more and more different from boys. I was a very skinny, clumsy kid, so me and sports didn't get along. The guys in my class talked to me and we were friends, but it was understood I was different than them. During recess in 4th grade one time, all the boys were invited to play football. Except me. I wasn't offended because I knew and they knew I'd be of no use in the game. They did throw the ball to me and I pretended to run from them and we all had a good laugh.

Middle school rolled around and I contracted a bully. There was this guy who hated my existence in 7th and 8th grade. He'd find ever which way to torment me. One time, he randomly hit me in the head with one of those small scooters. That was probably the worse thing he did. Thankfully, I never saw him again come high school.

In high school, I was a normie. I was far from being an outcast but I was nowhere near being popular. The popular folks and nobodies knew my name. I chatted and befriended both, but I was closer to the normies and nobodies. Still, I felt like an outsider for various reasons and felt isolated from everyone. I was awkward and weird. People talked to me, but they didn't know much about me. I was kinda socially awkward. I wanted to be with the in crowd for whatever reason, even though I had a good amount of close friends.

 

[burst]

for me everything went smoothly, not perfect but smoothly ha!
i had a low tolerance for bullies so i was always trying to make them bully me so i could throw punches lol

kinder to 6th grade was really good all my friends where from church (i studied at the private school of my church) so i knew almost everyone. from 7th to 9th grade had major issues lol, testosterone levels, attitudes with teachers, bullies.

(imagine having a school teacher that you see every week and it's a friend of your mom, and say EVERYTHING your do to her at church, bible study, etc. lol)

and highschool was ummm good i think, i wasnt a popular kid but everyone knew about me because of my drawings in the classroom chairs and cience table (cartoonish drawings of professors, tattoos, pokemons lol) i was the go-to guy for drawings of posters for classroom president, dances, prom etc.

now i hate everyone that studied with me but not my close friends only 3

 

[bulge]

I was the best soccer player. So, did I fit in? Yes. Yes. Yes. Too bad I did fit in in a world of ludicrious dwarfs, but the garden gnomes you meet in adult life are still worse.

 

[frankfrank]

Like BINOWGAYLATER, it was almost impossible for me to even conceive that I could catch any kind of batted softball/baseball. I remember the ONE (and only) time I ever caught one (a grounder), at third base - which got me so flustered by complete surprise, that I couldn't even remember to immediately throw to second, and very possibly be part of a double play. I think I just stood there, dumfounded...

I didn't fit in well at all, in pre-adolescence. I didn't know how to interact, and I had no friends in grade/middle school. I finally got some sense of roots planted when I spent a year (12-13 years old) in an institution**, and though my "friend skills" weren't there yet, at least there were finally some roots I could build upon. I kind of made some semi-friendships in high school, more so in university, but I was actively forming my first local and distant friendships among those who were involved in my main hobbies.

**(Am I the only person in the world, with complete first-hand knowledge, who has almost entirely good thoughts about his/her experience in one of these places?)

The diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome didn't yet exist in 1961 and it was more than a generation away yet, but I feel that I was maneuvered away from a moderate case, into a mild case of it.

At this point, I have no problem at all meeting and being with people who may have been complete strangers earlier in the day...and hanging with friends is the most enjoyable thing that I can possibly think of. Yes, LITERALLY, it's even a lot more fun and a lot more fulfilling than even really great sex or great tourism/recreation.

I've worked my entire adult life (and teens) on building upon those roots that were implanted in me - or perhaps more accurately were always there except I didn't realize it - and I think I've been more successful than most people under the same circumstances.

The past four or so years - perhaps even hastened by being with dozens of people from this JUBopolis (both via meets, and via in-person visits), I find that I've pretty much *lost* the nervousness and high-strung-ness that plagued me my entire life. I find myself going into enjoyable situations with eyes and mind wide open now, and having more fun than any prior time in my lifetime. My appreciation of Nature, the arts, music, etc. has also been enhanced. I even feel more a sense of my own spirituality as well, and good vibes from great places (such as Nelson, B. C., Missoula MT, Eureka Springs AR, Chapel Hill and Wilmington NC, etc.) are now fully apparent.

A side effect, perhaps, is that I'm becoming more and more deeply fond of the Far West - those places which rest on a longitude west of Phoenix. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if I eventually try to relocate to some place like Olympia, Portland, Eugene, Santa Rosa or even Vancouver BC or Nelson, but I'll need to downsize considerably, LOL.

This site has literally changed some people's lives for the better, including dozens that I could personally name via talking with them or seeing their posts over time. I think I could successfully state that this place has had a strong and positive effect on my life as well - probably not quite what would be called "life-changing" but certainly more than enough to make me feel very fortunate that I found this site. For me the changes have been in "slow motion" but that's fine, too.

--written by FRANK on Saturday afternoon, in Kalispell, Montana

 

[MiniSoda]

Like BINOWGAYLATER, it was almost impossible for me to even conceive that I could catch any kind of batted softball/baseball. I remember the ONE (and only) time I ever caught one (a grounder), at third base - which got me so flustered by complete surprise, that I couldn't even remember to immediately throw to second, and very possibly be part of a double play. I think I just stood there, dumfounded...

I didn't fit in well at all, in pre-adolescence. I didn't know how to interact, and I had no friends in grade/middle school. I finally got some sense of roots planted when I spent a year (12-13 years old) in an institution**, and though my "friend skills" weren't there yet, at least there were finally some roots I could build upon. I kind of made some semi-friendships in high school, more so in university, but I was actively forming my first local and distant friendships among those who were involved in my main hobbies.

**(Am I the only person in the world, with complete first-hand knowledge, who has almost entirely good thoughts about his/her experience in one of these places?)

The diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome didn't yet exist in 1961 and it was more than a generation away yet, but I feel that I was maneuvered away from a moderate case, into a mild case of it.

At this point, I have no problem at all meeting and being with people who may have been complete strangers earlier in the day...and hanging with friends is the most enjoyable thing that I can possibly think of. Yes, LITERALLY, it's even a lot more fun and a lot more fulfilling than even really great sex or great tourism/recreation.

I've worked my entire adult life (and teens) on building upon those roots that were implanted in me - or perhaps more accurately were always there except I didn't realize it - and I think I've been more successful than most people under the same circumstances.

The past four or so years - perhaps even hastened by being with dozens of people from this JUBopolis (both via meets, and via in-person visits), I find that I've pretty much *lost* the nervousness and high-strung-ness that plagued me my entire life. I find myself going into enjoyable situations with eyes and mind wide open now, and having more fun than any prior time in my lifetime. My appreciation of Nature, the arts, music, etc. has also been enhanced. I even feel more a sense of my own spirituality as well, and good vibes from great places (such as Nelson, B. C., Missoula MT, Eureka Springs AR, Chapel Hill and Wilmington NC, etc.) are now fully apparent.

A side effect, perhaps, is that I'm becoming more and more deeply fond of the Far West - those places which rest on a longitude west of Phoenix. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if I eventually try to relocate to some place like Olympia, Portland, Eugene, Santa Rosa or even Vancouver BC or Nelson, but I'll need to downsize considerably, LOL.

This site has literally changed some people's lives for the better, including dozens that I could personally name via talking with them or seeing their posts over time. I think I could successfully state that this place has had a strong and positive effect on my life as well - probably not quite what would be called "life-changing" but certainly more than enough to make me feel very fortunate that I found this site. For me the changes have been in "slow motion" but that's fine, too.

--written by FRANK on Saturday afternoon, in Kalispell, Montana

Nice post Frank, very well written and thoughtful. I like it a lot!


To the OP:
I didn't have trouble fitting in in grade school. Everything changed, however, when I went to junior high and became more of an outcast type. Things got better in high school, but that's hardly childhood anymore, so I think I'll just leave it here.

 

[Lord Booticus]

I've pretty much always fitted in somewhere. During Primary school I was pretty much friends in some form with everyone in my class, a few friends in other classes. Mostly spent my time with girls during the first couple of years, still had close male friends, just so happened I played with girls at break and lunch.

Then in year 3 it all changed when my friend Gary invited me to play football. From then on I've pretty much spent my time hanging around with guys, to the point I only have a small group of female friends, only 1 I'd call a close friend, where as a kid I had a small harem going on!

Playing football, line tag, bulldog and urky* ... that might not be an accurate spelling. Anyway, playing games with the guys meant I hung with the in crowd. I still had friends with the girls and the guys who didn't play football but I was pretty well liked through primary.

Things changed in secondary where the social grouping was a bit different. No longer is playing football good enoguh to be with the in crowd, now you had to be good at it! It was ok though, I found a good group of friends, I think Ephemeral's description of "normies" is what best described us. We weren't a part of the "popular" clique, but we were never outcasted. I think we probably got on better with people in the popular kids than the outcasts.

By the time I was 16 and leaving secondary I had a good close circle fo friends. Those of us who went onto the 6th form became closer, made a few new friends, lost a few old ones but my closest friends are the ones I made in secondary.

So yeah, never really been without friends, though havign the same friends for such a long time might have dented my social skills a bit. When my family and I went to the beach when I was a kid my parents would often find I'd wondered off, made friends with a random family and they'd find me sitting down having lunch with them. Nowadays I really do not have a lot of confidence in social situations, I'm really not good at meeting new people.

*It a game where you have some form of post, usually a basketball hoop or a small wall or gate or a tree. Someone is then volenteered (forced) into gaurding the urky post. The others runaway while the guardian counts to 10. The idea of the game is for you to get to the post, shout "urky urky in" without being hit. There's also the family version where if you've been tagged by the guard you now also have to gaurd the post.

 

[Iniquity]

Not well to be honest. I went to private school until 4th grade, when my mom couldn't afford it anymore. Those years were great: good friends, people who knew how to be light-hearted and hard workers. But Public middle school years were the worst years of my life so far. I never really got used to an urban environment setting because my family shielded me so much. So when I went to this public school with these kids acting outrageous, I tried to fit in (i.e. listening to horrible rap music, cursing, and starting to let my grades drop) I failed miserably. I was chubby back then too, which didn't help matters. Basically, it wasn't cool to be smart, which was what I was used to, so I tried to change. It took until 8th grade for me to find that niche again with good people. Then my grades picked back up and I started to become my own person instead of trying to fit in. Two years later, I escaped the urban setting.

 

[BearBoi]

I was reading Bram Stoker's “Dracula” in Grade 3. My closest friend was the school’s only black kid (later joined by his two younger brothers). His family were recent immigrants from Ethiopia. He lived down my street and we spent a lot of time together riding bikes and talking at recess, we’d eat dinner at each other’s house sometimes. I had my first Goat Head Stew and injera thanks to his mom’s home cooking.

On the whole I was a bit of a loner. I liked to sit under a tree and read at recess. I didn’t care for the other kids, whom were largely complete idiots. Sometimes I was bullied, but largely I was usually ignored, which generally suited me fine. Sometimes it bothered me, but looking back I see it was for the best. Intelligence is often a lonely island, but on it the lone man is king.

Things greatly improved in Jr. High and over the course of high school. I’m proud that I have always been me, no pretence or apologies. I think other people responded to it, especially in high school. I could just as easily talk with the goths and punks as I could with guys on the football team. I had friends from every clique yet was a part of none. I still often enjoyed sneaking off to an abandoned room on the third-floor to eat lunch by myself while reading. Was I "popular"? God no. But I didn't care, and enjoyed myself in spite of it. Maybe that is what so many people quietly responded to. I suppose I'll never know.

I’ve always preferred a small but close circle of friends to a large group of acquaintances, and I’ve retained my introspective ways.

 

[Zaphod]

I was kind of an odd kid, but I had friends and fit in okay. Some of my high school friends are still friends to this day, some 25 years later.

 

[seven_sins]

Other than not liking sports, I guess I fit in pretty well with the other kids when I was growing up. I played in only one game of little league football. A guy on the other team ran the wrong way down the field with the ball. Not knowing he was running the wrong way, I pursued him and I was so proud when I tackled him before he got to the goal. Everyone laughed at us. I played in only 2 little league baseball games. I can still feel the terror I felt that afternoon that my mother drove me to the 2nd game. I never went back after that afternoon.

I took piano lessons for a while in early grade school, but I hated it. I went out for band and tried to play the clarinet when I was in the 6th or 7th grade, but I hated it also.

I was fascinated with magic and illusion. I spent hours practicing tricks that I had ordered. I collected stamps and spent a lot of time with my collection. In the 5th or 6th grade, I discovered reading. I read every Dr. Doolittle book I could get my hands on. Then I started reading Hardy Boy books. One of my earliest crushes was Joe Hardy, the blond headed brother of the Hardy duo. I was fascinated with electricity. I was always taking apart motors, radios, and TV sets. All of the neighbors came to me when they had problems with anything.

In middle school and high school, I learned to make cookies, cakes, and candy. I loved making treats in the kitchen. My favorite candies were pecan divinity, pecan pralines, and pulled butter mints. I also made some pretty mean caramel iced cakes. No icing from a can, my icing was cooked by me.

In the 8th grade, a girl who I had known since early childhood took me under her wings. She was a member of the "in crowd" and she made sure that I was included in all of their activities. If it wasn't for her, I would probably still be in a shell somewhere reading Dr. Doolittle books.

 

[fetaby]

Honestly I don't like to think about it too often. I tend to focus on the regrets. Either way it doesn't change anything in the now so fuck it.

But to answer the question, I was introverted all through school gradually breaking out of that shell by the time I went to college.

 

[andyspete]

Had a lot of fun as a smaller child up to the 4th grade. After that we moved a lot and I went several different schools. I was the new kid a lot. 6th grade was cool but when we moved and I started a new school in the 7th grade all hell broke loose. No one seemed to like me and the kids were mean as hell. At lunch I ended up sitting with the 2 other reject boys in the class. We sat at a square table with 4 chairs. One day I went to join them and they each had a foot in the empty seats indicating that they didn't want me to sit with them. I thought they were joking and I asked them to move their feet please. Took about a second and a half to realize they weren't kidding. I was rejected by the rejects. Hurt like hell. Ended up going all the way through high school with them and I avoided them and don't think I ever spoke to either of them again even though we had some classes together. Mean ass bastards. They'll probably never know the pain I felt that day in the cafeteria. And I'll probably never forget it.