How did you think as a teenager ?

[ixthrock]

I would comment on girls' "hotness," occasionally, but not merely to chime in with the guys - it was a fairly depersonalized appreciation of beauty.

Ironically, everyone knew I was queer before I did - and no-one ever teased or bullied me, or even dared ask (for the most part) all of the other "closeted" queers got picked on, and a few of the nelly str8s as well, but not me.

I was very outgoing, and my brain works funny; I have the gift of gab, an easy hand with the bon mot, and I'm a demon at simple arithmetic in my head. At work, I can do 7 x 12.95 quicker in my head than most people can on the calculator, and I do a reasonable stab at the 7.5% sales tax. Not enough to make me a true genius; just enough to make me a bit of a freak.

My other weirdnesses far outshone the light in my closet.

I remember being obsessed with the fray in Kevin's crotch....why did his pants always fray in the crotch? mine never did....was it because he had a bigger package? I remember really wanting to suck his dick, and if I only knew then what I know now, I'm sure the opportunity was there, despite his straightness... I knew every pair of jeans that boy wore. So, yeah, I thought about sex all the time. It mortified me. I did NOT want to be queer, or have everyone at school calling me "queer" the way they did the other boys, and no-one ever did. I remember Kevin calling me out about me staring at his crotch, just once. I had no bon mot, then, and my face turned beet red, I'm sure - it was on the bus, we were surrounded, everyone overheard.... I didn't respond, and it was dropped, and never mentioned again. no "invisible line" was crossed, either; it was just business as usual after that. One night he even gave me a ride home, and I lived, like, 20 miles away - it was a hella sacrifice, and if I'd had more cojones then, I probably could have gotten a mouthful that night... He was on the baseball team, and I'd been attending the games, and hanging in the dugout with the players - they kind of adopted me as a "mascot," and when we won the game against our rivals, I was treated to a steak dinner with the team - and that was the night Kevin offered to drive me home...

To be fairly honest, I'm pervy. I still think about sex all the time, and am constantly checking guys out - cruise the package, the box - you bet! But mostly it's the legs that catch my eye.

I know as well as everyone else, and better than most, that it is LUST at first "sight," not love - but when it comes down to it, I'm not trying (or even wanting) to fuck every pretty smile I admire. Guys are just another type of exquisite flower, to me, in that way. a REAL friendship requires lots of conversation, and a commitment to $pend lots of time.

 

[Riverrick]

I went through that dilemma as well.

I think the str8 guys really do think that Susan has nice tits, but there is also a bit of bravado and 'male bonding' involved in talking about how nice Susan's tits are... It's a 'guy thing', I guess. Plus, I suspect Susan knows exactly what they are saying about her and she secretly loves it.

Sometimes I still wonder if they really like tits. I mean, I know that they do.....but I just can't empathize with that feeling, so I have to take it on faith.

Its funny that I only have that thought as an adult. As a youth, I saw what the landscape was and understood what was expected of me. They were right and I was wrong and best not to let them know which people walking down the street caught my eye. I guess I was working so hard at suppressing my feelings that I never sat and reflected about what I thought reality was. In fact, I never questioned the reality I was presented with until years later.

So.....I first noticed boys bodies in gym class in 5th or 6th grade. I noticed their fine chests. And soon I was obsessed with seeing them. After that I noticed their handsome faces. And only much later did I allow myself to notice their sexy dicks.

But I played a trick in my mind. I noticed these things, even sought them out, but would not have a conscious thought about them. I wouldn't think...."Wow, he's so handsome!". I just wouldn't think anything. That's how I stayed in denial, how I stayed safe psychologically. It seems very weird in retrospect.

I fooled around with one guy when I was about 15 but chalked it up to being horny and felt very guilty about it. I did nothing after that until I was about 23 or 24.

What we miss out on is not only the natural sexual development of a teenager but also the male bonding. We don't get to stand on the street and talk to our friends about all of the hot guys that go by and feel connnected to them when they agree. We don't get to talk about sexual experiences, real or imagined with them. We have to pretend and in doing so, we end up distancing ourselves emotionally from our peers and feel less connected to them, establishing distrust instead of trust. Its so screwed up.

 

[Joshua_me]

I would comment on girls' "hotness," occasionally, but not merely to chime in with the guys - it was a fairly depersonalized appreciation of beauty.

My other weirdnesses far outshone the light in my closet.

I remember being obsessed with the fray in Kevin's crotch....why did his pants always fray in the crotch? mine never did

Let me bullet point this...

. That first comment is brilliant.

. It's a sad comment on society when intellect is thought of as 'weirdness'.

. Yeah, what's with the frayed crotch, anyway ? How does that happen ? Mine never did, either. Some guys are just magical that way. They're the same guys whose jeans rip just right at the knees without them even trying, the same ones that stay perfectly tanned all year long and can wear just a white undershirt and look like a GQ cover. Life's a bitch sometimes.

 

[Joshua_me]

I sure hope Susan and her fine rack are still OK...

 

[Puzuzzu]

Sex is really dull so far. Just doesn't really work for me.

I'll occasionally think about it, usually to jack off or whatever, so once or twice a day, certainly not all the time. I've got better things to do. Like sit around eating ice cream.

ditto

 

[Toddxxx]

Yeah, as a teenager I said all those things about "hot" girls too and even dated some because it was the thing to do. Then every night I jerk off thinking about hot boys and their cocks.

 

[954dude]

Horny bastard with low self esteem. Which means I had tons of crushes and fantasies, but rarely acted on them and never dated.

"When will I lose my virginity?"
"Can't everyone just be into both genders?"
"I just wanna grab some ass!"
"Masturbation needs to stop."