How do I fall out of love?

[dreamerboi]

I want to get over someone. I am in love with a close friend. He knows it too. He doesn't love me back. We were in a relationship for a short period but that didn't work out because of me. It is impossible for me to provide him with what he is looking for in a partner, as I am not out of the closet yet and coming out anytime soon is not an option. We see each other regularly, he is the only real friend that I have. I can't imagine breaking things off completely, I would go crazy. I think about this guy all the time, I even lose sleep over him. He has moved on, which is really hard for me to cope with, but I genuinely care for this guy and want him to be happy and find someone who he loves. At the same time I feel like I'm losing something very special, and I know I will never encounter someone like him ever again in this lifetime. This realization make me very sad.
I am very desperate to move on, and seeing someone else is not an option either. I don't have the confidence nor the energy to look for someone. I am sensitive and do not take rejection well.
I'm 20 in case your wondering.

 

[altlover85]

In order to get over someone you need to focus on other things in your life, like school and work. You might want to see a counselor as well if you don't start feeling better. If you can't afford counseling, journaling might be a good option. Obviously this forum is here for you to vent to as well.

I just want to address one point in your post directly.

At the same time I feel like I'm losing something very special, and I know I will never encounter someone like him ever again in this lifetime.

This is more than likely untrue. It just feels that way now because you haven't had that much experience in your life. I think many of us feel that way about our first loves. I know I felt that way about my ex, but after some time went by I was able to move on. This process was helped because he got together with someone else and I knew we weren't going to get back together.

I'm happy to report that current boyfriend and I have celebrated our 3rd anniversary this past week. Time generally improves situations we once thought were dire.

 

[altlover85]

I second enotalone as it helped me through my own breakup.

 

[Kratos1]

In order to get over someone you need to focus on other things in your life, like school and work. You might want to see a counselor as well if you don't start feeling better. If you can't afford counseling, journaling might be a good option. Obviously this forum is here for you to vent to as well.

This is more than likely untrue. It just feels that way now because you haven't had that much experience in your life. I think many of us feel that way about our first loves. I know I felt that way about my ex, but after some time went by I was able to move on. This process was helped because he got together with someone else and I knew we weren't going to get back together.

I'm happy to report that current boyfriend and I have celebrated our 3rd anniversary this past week. Time generally improves situations we once thought were dire.

This is most true . But the problem is time flows in the same way... you cant hurry it basically. I'll be honest and say it took years to properly get over my first BF! Sounds horrific when you lay it out like that, but it wasn't years of misery, day by day it gets slightly better. You get the rough days when you feel like you are back at square one. Eventually though you really do feel at peace with what happened.

I also agree you should busy yourself with life. There is much you can do that stops you dwelling on "romance" and "love"

 

[gustischafer]

I think you should compromise. If you really need him and if you're really in love with him, you should try to provide him with what h wants in a relationship.

If he doesn't want to be with you again... well, time heals all wounds. I know it is hard, cause I'm in a kind of similar situation (I'm trying to get over a guy I used to be in love with for more than 3 years). Psychological support (not particularly a doctor or a psychologist, maybe friends) is really important!

 

[Seasoned]

Being in the closet with only one option is not realistic nor fair to yourself and any boyfriend. This creates an insular relationship and your only gay outlet.

As far as getting over someone as a partner one technique is to concentrate on a flaw, physical or otherwise and think of it everytime you think of him.

It's going to be difficult for you as long as coming out is not an option. I hope things get easier for you as time goes on. Good luck.

 

[dreamerboi]

You get the rough days when you feel like you are back at square one. Eventually though you really do feel at peace with what happened.

There are days when I am very rational and calm but then some days I completely lose it. It's usually on the weekends when all this depression and anxiety hits me. As I stated in my post earlier, he is the only friend who I am close to and I can be myself around him.

 

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

Simple, find someone else to fall in love with, and you'll forget all about him.

 

[altlover85]

You are the only one that can make new friends though dreamerboi. If your current situation is less than ideal than you need to focus on ways in which you could change the situation, which may involve saving money for a move.

 

[KaraBulut]

He has moved on...I feel like I'm losing something very special,

The truth is that you have already lost it because you made that choice.

You've lost him as a lover. If you don't get yourself together, you'll lose him as a friend.

..and I know I will never encounter someone like him ever again in this lifetime. This realization make me very sad.

The point is not to find someone else like him. The point is to find someone else.

You're not going to do your next boyfriend any favors if you're going to be looking for the same ex-boyfriend over and over and over again.

I am very desperate to move on, and seeing someone else is not an option either. I don't have the confidence nor the energy to look for someone. I am sensitive and do not take rejection well.
I'm 20 in case your wondering.

You have lots of options. You just don't like the options. And hanging on to a past relationship is a great way to avoid dealing with the future.

Most people don't really get over loss. They just learn to cope with it, accept it for what it is and move on. It's perfectly okay to love an ex, grieve and mourn for a while but it's really up to you to let that go and move on. That may mean that you need to put some space between you and your ex for a while. But more than anything it means that during your break time from your ex, you need to make some changes to address your self-confidence, your gayness and work on yourself for a while.

 

[DarkHelios]

We see each other regularly, he is the only real friend that I have.

I would suggest making an effort find other friends. Not for dating, but so that your life isn't so completely centered on this one person. Find things that you like to do on your own and do them. You have to understand that you can have a life independent of him. (I'm not saying you have to cut him out of your life, just remember that there's more to life than him).

I am sensitive and do not take rejection well.
I'm 20 in case your wondering.

Rejection, unfortunately, is a mandatory part of the dating process. You'll have to learn to deal with eventually.