How do I get along with a straight co-worker?

[jdcnow]

Hello, all!

I would appreciate some help with something. Here's my dilemma:

In addition to working my job at a local dollar store, I just started a new job at a good restaurant I enjoy eating at. Monday night was my third night on the job, and I enjoy it overall so far. Enter this one guy whom I shall call “Eddie”. Now Eddie is super-cute. He has a face like Brad Pitt, nice and slim and all. Perfection personified. Just one thing about him: flamingly hetero. Radio shock jock hetero. Hetero to the point where every other thing that comes out of his mouth is a lewd joke about women or sex with women or how good parts of women look. His female co-workers and supervisors (of which there are many), may tell him to stop, but basically ignore him. Monday night, he even jokingly threatened to whip out his dick to this one girl (confession: I was kind of hoping he would so I could sneak a peek. I plead guilty, your honor ). He claims to have the biggest cock, but frankly my first impression was that he is the biggest cock. I mean, this guy is beautiful and definitely jo material, but his brand of levity I could do without sometimes. After awhile, it just gets irritating.
I want to stay in the closet because I want the people at my job, and people around me in general, to like me -- I’m a nice guy, I'm a good guy. I want to keep this job at all cost, which means doing whatever is necessary including keeping my mouth shut. But I do get annoyed at his comments from time to time. How can I get along with him and get beyond the friction and annoyance I feel caused by his jokes, and still remain in the closet? Is trying my darndest to just ignore him and just playing it cool really the answer?

Thanks

 

[stormofswords921]

#1 - if there is any job you can easily hold on to while being gay it is as a waiter at a restaurant.
#2 - if you still want to stay in the closet that's ok. str8 guys confront and harass other str8 guys at work all the time. it's like str8 guy camaraderie. so just joking tell him that as a str8 guy you don't want to hear about his cock and balls all the time. or "dude seriously I don't give a fuk so shut your pie hole." but in that friendly, sarcastic sort of way ya know? The women at the restaurant will probably become endeared to you for not acting like a typical jock prick and standing up to this guy on their behalf.
#3 - you could just ignore him and go on with life...but that's no fun!

 

[sixthson]

First of all, the owners and managers of this restaurant are asking for big trouble. This kind of sex talk is not only inappropriate, but most likely illegal. If someone on staff or a customer claimed they were offended by him, a lawsuit could follow. Most companies have codes of conducts which prohibit this kind of thing, even as simple as telling an off colored joke at work. People have lost their jobs for less.

I'm always suspicious of big talking, ultra-heterosexuals. It's like they have something to prove. Avoid him as much as possible, but if it is not, let him know you don't appreciate what he says and hold your ground. Nobody wants trouble at work, but this is really something for the managers to handle. You should not have to tolerate this kind of thing.

 

[graywolf48]

Not most likely illegal, it is illegal under federal (and probably State) sexual harassment statutes. In addition, it sounds like he has some serious social issues, his behavior is definitely inappropriate and point to some serious sexual frustration problems. It's been my experience that those who frequently boast about having big dicks and a lot of action have neither.

He may be super cute, but he is far from "perfection personified". I've known more than enough gorgeous sociopaths in my time. My advice is to steer clear of him. He'll eventually either end up being fired, sued or creamed by one of the waitresses boyfriends or husbands.

 

[The Colonel]

How about you pull him aside sometime in a friendly, buddy kind of way and say, "Hey, I overheard a couple of the waitresses talking and they were getting kind of annoyed by all the trash talk. They were threatening to go to the management. Just thought you might want to know. Might be a good idea to tone it down a bit." It might stop his mouth for a while and keep you on his good side too!

 

[shahmask]

i personally love the "straight, hot, macho acting, shit talking" guys. to me, them knowing im gay, are the most fun ppl to be around at work. the store i used to work at had 2 guys like that and i really miss them. i still get to see them every so often at company wide meetings. but, yes, what he is doing can be a very sticky thing associated with varying consequences.

but, it's weird. i don't know if it is where i live and work, but everyone that i work with knows im gay. even ppl in different stores in the company that i have never worked with know im gay. just today, my straight, 40yr old manager was telling me that she thinks id like certain aspects of atlanta for that reason. im not out at home yet everyone ive ever worked with in the company and ppl they know within the company know. it's freakin great. mind you, our company extends health benefits to domestic partners and we are a relatively close knit and progressive bunch here in the stores in the austin area.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

How about you pull him aside sometime in a friendly, buddy kind of way and say, "Hey, I overheard a couple of the waitresses talking and they were getting kind of annoyed by all the trash talk. They were threatening to go to the management. Just thought you might want to know. Might be a good idea to tone it down a bit." It might stop his mouth for a while and keep you on his good side too!

The dude, who is doing all that Big Talk, is obviously compensating for the lack of any real life. He might look perfect to you (and to many other people, too), but the most important person is not a member of his Fan Club: He, himself...

Tell him that he has been overdoing the 'talk part' to the point that no one really believes him anymore and that no one really cares.

See, where this gets you to...

SC

 

[sentirpromesas]

i agree with one of the people above me...just tell him in a light manner "dude, can we please stop talkin about ur cock?"

also, im sure u can get along with straight guys and be out and gay...i work with only straight men and i get along GREAT with them...i pretend to hit on them, they bend over for me...its a thing we have...

 

[jdcnow]

First off, thank you to everyone who has graciously rendered advice thus far.

Not most likely illegal, it is illegal under federal (and probably State) sexual harassment statutes. In addition, it sounds like he has some serious social issues, his behavior is definitely inappropriate and point to some serious sexual frustration problems. It's been my experience that those who frequently boast about having big dicks and a lot of action have neither.

He may be super cute, but he is far from "perfection personified". I've known more than enough gorgeous sociopaths in my time. My advice is to steer clear of him. He'll eventually either end up being fired, sued or creamed by one of the waitresses boyfriends or husbands.

After my post here at JUB Wednesday afternoon (my local time), I pulled a shift Wednesday evening. Here's what I gleaned:

Social issues:
> He drinks underage (he's 19)
> If I were a gambling man, I'd lay odds that he's at least a drug user (maybe not a dealer -- if he were, you think he'd work for a restaurant? But then again, I could be wrong about the dealer part, ya' never know.)

Sexual issues:
>> He's after this one girl that he saw out shopping, out of our work uniforms. He's been trying to bribe one of the young male managers that he'll pay the manager $500 (American $) for a date with this girl. Everybody who works there knows that hell would freeze over and she still wouldn't give him the time of day.

Wednesday night, we also had a complaint from a customer who came in last week. The customer complained that she had to take her kids out and leave because of this guy. (Her actual comment was that there were "some guys" -- she didn't say who -- horseplaying and using foul language in the kitchen. The managers (especially this one girl whom shall be called "Tara") will yell at him, "Shut up, Eddie! Shut up!"

Here's what I'm thinking: that he basically works like a radio shockjock. That is to say that he's worked there well enough to know where the line is. He crosses it, not to the point where it's not a real significant problem, but just enough to make people laugh and think to themselves "I can't believe he just said that." If that makes any sense to you.

It's clear to me that this guy is not mature by any stretch of the imagination. I believe that the best course of action may well be to indeed steer clear of this guy at all costs.

Thanks.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Another factor to consider is that you're new there.
Until you know the interpersonal dynamics, just try to ignore him as best you can. Bad behavior in the workplace is usually punished.
One of the sad facts of life is that although we may love a job, there maybe be co-workers or bosses who are thoroughly despicable.
Hang tight and let the more senior employees deal with him.

 

[spreadeagle]

Yes - it doesn't sound as if he'll last there for long anyway. I understand from your post that the restaurant position is in the nature of a part-time job. So I assume you are rostered on certain shifts. I would speak to whoever organises the roster and tell them that you'd prefer not to work on nights when Eddie is rostered on. If they ask you why, simply tell the truth - that you feel uncomfortable around his foul-mouthed predatory sexism.

 

[3nipples]

Oh, for crying out loud! You're in danger of loosing your gay card if you don't start to learn how to manipulate straight boys. I'll give you a clue: he's making all those noises to cover up. There's probably a lot of insecurity lurking below the bluster.

Don't be such a pussy: "I believe that the best course of action may well be to indeed steer clear of this guy at all costs."... come on, he's just a guy. Stop taking him seriously and above all, don't let yourself be intimidated by him.

Call him on it. Every time you hear him bragging about his big dick, just stick your pinky in the air and make a face like "yeah, right". Make comments like: "If he has to talk about it so much, then it's a sure bet he's not doing it". Laugh at him.

Whatever you do, stop hiding from yourself. Who knows, he may even have the makings of a friend once you get beyond the noise.