How do I get this guy out of my system?

[Demandred753]

I'm not out to anyone; still in the closet. So, it is quite natural that I would fall for this (straight) guy who's more than an acquaintance yet less than the status of a "good" friend.

I'll keep this short and come back to post more as I need to get to bed. I would like to know how to get these feelings for him out of my system. There's no escaping them. He's the last thought on my mind before sleep and the first when I wake up. I even dream about him, which is exhausting because I wake up really early from them and can't get back to sleep. I even broke down and cried in therapy once these feelings for him (in addition to other issues surrounding him) came to a head. I want my sanity back. It doesn't help matters of him being excrutiatingly hot. He riles my goat.

My solution to this matter is to just cut myself off from him. But I do not want to do this, for we hang out with the same group of folks and I'm good friends with his roommate. It would seem wierd for me to simply stop being social with my other friends just to escape him and try to cleanse my mind. I also would not like to seem like a dick and quit speaking to him during our encounters should I continue to be social.

What can I do? More to come.

 

[sixthson]

You are obsessed with someone that you want as more than a friend, but he can never be more than that.
I don't think trying to cut him out of your life is the way to handle it. I wonder if that might make the preoccupation with him even worse. Instead, socialize as you always do and hopefully in time you will get some perspective on the kind of relationship with him that is available to you, which is friendship.

I hope this gets easier for you very soon.

 

[Horschallen]

I had a similiar situation and after two quarters of torment I went through, I diversified myself by getting a part time job, move into different circles and eventually joined a fraternity. We continued as friends, but I did not feel too much for him as I did when I started.

Try diversifying yourself.

 

[maxpowr9]

This is what is a classic case of a "crush". Why is it called that? Because that is the feeling you have after it is over. You can try to stay friends with him (it may actually work out). The moment you have any sexual thoughts about him, this is the time you should break it off. If you have any doubt that he is not gay/bi, then you need to move on. Of course on the flip side, the LAST thing you want to do is just isolate yourself and fester those emotions about him. Surround yourself with friends that will boost up your self-esteem.

I am speaking from personal experience on how I got over my "crush" on a straight guy.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK your first problem is the closet. If you were out, you could go find some gay men to obsess over who you would actually have a chance with.

Being a gay man it is perfectly natural to crush on guys, but being in the closet the only guys you expose yourself to are straight guys, and that's not helpful now is it. You're fishing in a dry pond, and you'll continue to have this problem until you structure your life in such a way that you put yourself in the path of real opportunity.

How do you get over this guy? Time and distance. Distance doesn't have to mean absence, but don't go out of your way to hang out with him. This would all be much simpler if you were in a position to go find some gay guys to hook up with, because trust me on this, once you've found some hot guys who actually will sleep with you, date you, and love you, the appeal of straight guys pales fast.

 

[Muscles4daze]

I'm not out to anyone; still in the closet. So, it is quite natural that I would fall for this (straight) guy who's more than an acquaintance yet less than the status of a "good" friend.

I'll keep this short and come back to post more as I need to get to bed. I would like to know how to get these feelings for him out of my system. There's no escaping them. He's the last thought on my mind before sleep and the first when I wake up. I even dream about him, which is exhausting because I wake up really early from them and can't get back to sleep. I even broke down and cried in therapy once these feelings for him (in addition to other issues surrounding him) came to a head. I want my sanity back. It doesn't help matters of him being excrutiatingly hot. He riles my goat.

My solution to this matter is to just cut myself off from him. But I do not want to do this, for we hang out with the same group of folks and I'm good friends with his roommate. It would seem wierd for me to simply stop being social with my other friends just to escape him and try to cleanse my mind. I also would not like to seem like a dick and quit speaking to him during our encounters should I continue to be social.

What can I do? More to come.

If this is the case, you should not have a problem distancing yourself from him. I wouldn't completely isolate him, but if you don't have to interact with him don't. You also may want to look in to joining a gym or something to get your mind off of him.

 

[TX-Beau]

...You also may want to look in to joining a gym or something to get your mind off of him.

This is actually a good idea, endorphins are wonderful things.

 

[Demandred753]

Thanks, guys; lots of good advice thus far. After tossing and turning for about an hour before bed, the simple fact of the matter is that I am obsessed with him. I'm an utterly hopeless mess.

More to come.