How do I go about expressing my feelings for someone?

[Seasoned]

Those feelings you have are telling you that you could fall for these guys if you actually met them and they were to have reciprocal feelings. You have been dabbling in cyber fantasy but it's time to find guys in your area to actually meet and get to know.

Don't confuse infatuation with love, which needs physical proximity, time and shared experiences. It doesn't come from feeling sorry for someone or knowing what's best for him. Romantic love isn't about finding someone to make you or him whole. It's about two whole individuals being drawn together to create a third entity.

If you find yourself needing someone to complete you or to make you feel alive or whole you are in an emotional state that might need some healing for even if you were to find someone in your area you could be setting yourself up for an unhealthy relationship which could include unhealthy compromises or even abuse.

Please do some soul searching. Are there things that need attention or healing? Is your self-esteem intact? Are you desperate to find the guy? If so you might consider some one on one therapy. Please don't take offense. It's a suggestion based on experience.

 

[Seasoned]

Except to tell them that you like them and would like to meet I wouldn't go any further.

As I've mentioned, I've been through a lot (hence my user name). I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I'm curious as to your story. Don't feel as though you need to reply, but if you'd like to I'd welcome a private message.

Take care.

 

[Seasoned]

I was curious as to whether there were addictions issues like alcoholism is your family as there were in mine, but like I said I'm not needing an answer and certainly not a public one.

 

[Seasoned]

My responses weren't meant to cause an argument. I'll try to explain myself and then I'll stop commenting because I have nothing more to add.

My first response mentioned my thought that you were making too much out of online relationships and I was concerned that you mentioned that you "fell in love" with a guy in the past. I think I explained myself clearly with a caution to be careful of strong romantic feelings with people you haven't met.

I then went on to ask if you grew up in a dysfunctional family not whether you were a drinker. Children in those families grow up wounded and usually have problems knowing how to form relationships and having healthy ones. There are whole sections of bookstores and libraries devoted to that topic and millions are affected including me.

Besides telling you that I wouldn't read too much into relationships that are strictly cyber I was probing to see if you had an issue from which you'd gain some insight so it doesn't continue to happen. The thing about the human family is that although we are each unique our stories can be remarkably similar.

Again, I mean to cause no grief or distress and if it seems like I'm talking through my asshole just ignore me but keep the gist of what I'm saying somewhere in the back of your mind in case you need it later.

I wish you well.

 

[maxpowr9]

The fact that you claim you are in love with them and have not even met them is a sign of emotional immaturity. You are in love with the idea of them but until you meet them and touch them, you have no idea if it is really love or infatuation. Any guy who says they don't like physical intimacy is a no-go in my book. I would say possible sociopath [even then, most of them can feign sympathy] but that's jumping to conclusions.

The true test if someone actually likes you is to let them initiate a conversation. If you are the one always starting the conversation, chances are, the relationship is one-sided.

Just be weary that people tend to embellish information online compared to the reality.

 

[palbert]

I suggest counseling, based on your profile and this and other threads.

Based on your signature, I suggest Tijuana.

 

[Miller85]

I might be mistaken, but what you write seems wholly geared to what you can offer them while you have nothing to say about what these men can offer you.

Your 'love' for these men seems based on you feeling pity for them, thinking that they deserve better, and your wish to offer them help and consolation. Although I admire in others empathy and the capacity for giving love, you should realize that the situation you have sketched is totally one-sided and therefore a very unhealthy starting point for you personally. You sound like someone who is used to taking care of others and therefore used to expressing his love by doing just that. And I bet you are really good caretaker too. But healthy love comes from those who both know what they need and are able to actively pursue it. These men don’t seem to know what they need (that’s where you think you come in) and frankly, neither do you, as not a single line in your post is devoted to your own needs.

I hope you’ll accept my reply as well-intended, as it is. I have no doubt you have a lot to offer these men. But unless you are capable of formulating what it is they have to offer you (and believe those things are attainable and worth pursuing), I would advise you to find love somewhere else.

All the best to you.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

I'm just responding to your first post.
You're describing two fantasies. If you haven't met either of these people, all of your feelings and all of your conceptions of these individuals are in your head.

I've been there before and the feelings are definitely real and strong! However they are not grounded in anything concrete or genuinely tangible.

I really would suggest developing real-life friendships and relationships. Perhaps therapy if possible. And maybe get to know the people you described in person?

 

[Rolyo85]

Just because something is all in your head doesn't make you crazy. And many people use therapy. If there is something physically wrong, you go to a doctor. Our heads are no less messed up than our bodies, and there is nothing shameful in going to therapy. Im just saying this in general, not specifically for this topic.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

If there's one thing, don't say the words "it's all in my head" or that I need therapy, it makes it sound like I am a crazy person who needs committed. People have questioned my feelings all my life, when there's nothing to even question. I understand what you are saying in the 2nd and part of the 3rd paragraphs however. I want to meet them, yes, I feel that meeting and getting to know people in the flesh is one of the best ways to make friends. I am limited on that however, because of my panic attacks and my overall physical health. I want to make it a possibility though, I have managed the strength before to go beyond pain and worry to obtain something.

If you're having panic attacks, it's good to get therapy!! What do you think therapy is for? Crazy people? I'm more composed than most people in my life, but i have seen a therapist on and off for 6 years now. It has helped immensely to get over some things that are hard to talk about with other people. Also, a good therapist is trained to discuss the very things you are mentioning in this thread, especially if you had any semblance of a troubled past.

You don't have to be alone in this Know that everyone in this thread is trying to help and we are not trying to judge you.