How do I let him know I like him without ruining the friendship?

[abgroupie]

So there's this guy. He says he's bi (never talks about girls, but that's kind of irrelevant) but isn't out to most people, except a few close friends including me, and some guys he's hooked up with.

I like him a lot. He messages me on AIM, Facebook or via text nearly every day, though I don't see him because we go to different schools. Even though I talk to him basically every day, I've only met him in person a few times, because we met through mutual friends. But I'm home for break, and he's here.

He's called me cute several times, but I wasn't sure if that meant anything. He's also constantly telling me about other guys he's into, and asking my opinions on those guys. I don't know whether to take this as a sign that he doesn't see me in any other capacity than as a friend or if it's some weird thing where he's trying to make me jealous so I make a move (I know straight boys do this to girls sometimes... but I honestly have no grasp of gay boys).

Now he's talking about this one guy and... well, I am jealous. I really like him. And though I really want more, I also kind of need him as a friend. So... how do I figure out if he likes me, or strongly indicate that I like him, without messing it all up? I don't want to wait until he starts something serious with another guy... my window of opportunity, if it exists, might be closing. Help!

 

[tigahben]

Tell him. That's the only way to do it.
You can't invite him over and drink and watch movies in the hope that drunken makeouts and canooing on the couch happen, or wait for something to happen where he needs to be comforted, because that's creepy. If your friendship is strong enough, then you saying you have a crush on him shouldn't really damage it. If you say that you lie him, and he isn't interested in you like that, you cukd probably laugh it off as a silly crush or something, and make it out to be no big deal. Sucks for you, but you've got it off your chest and friendship saved! Back in high school I had a massive crush on a friend. I told her I liked her, she ignored it for a day and then finally gave me the friends speech. It was awkward for a little while, but three years on, I've realised I don't actually like girls, and we're closer than we were before, without her knowing I'm gay.

The most dangerous thing is if he also has a crush on you, but decides that the friendship is more important and so doesn't want to act on it. Then there might be too much tension. You also have to consider that even if you got into a relationship, relationships tend to end way sooner than friendships.

I've written way more than I meant to…
you have to ask yourself- do I just want him to know? Or do I want to date this guy? Am I ok with sharing this info gIven that he might be fine with it but not interested?

But if you're serious about this, straight up tell him on person. No elaborate tricks or schemes, no pressure, just tell him.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

 

[glorff]

How do you compare to the guys that he has talked about? Are you the same "type", if not you may be better off as friends. I don't mean who is better looking or better built, but "Type" Like little guys, or big guys with muscles, or hairy..... you get the idea. Most people have a basic type that they are attracted to. This does not mean that there is no chance, but types usually don't expand until you get a little older.

Nothing for sure, but think about it.

 

[TX-Beau]

...He's called me cute several times, but I wasn't sure if that meant anything. He's also constantly telling me about other guys he's into, and asking my opinions on those guys. I don't know whether to take this as a sign that he doesn't see me in any other capacity than as a friend or if it's some weird thing where he's trying to make me jealous so I make a move (I know straight boys do this to girls sometimes... but I honestly have no grasp of gay boys).

Now he's talking about this one guy and... well, I am jealous. I really like him. And though I really want more, I also kind of need him as a friend. So... how do I figure out if he likes me, or strongly indicate that I like him, without messing it all up? I don't want to wait until he starts something serious with another guy... my window of opportunity, if it exists, might be closing. Help!

(emphasis mine)

OK, look, you have your answer, I suspect you just don't want to hear it. I've never met a guy who decided to try and make me jealous so I'll make a move. I don't know who does that, and if you're hanging out with guys who play those kind of silly, pointless, immature games, run for the hills, they'll be playing those games until you get hopelessly twisted up and heartbroken over them.

Guys who are into you DO NOT go around repeatedly telling you how much they're into other guys. They focus on you.

Always listen to what a guy does, that will tell you usually all you need to know; and this guy is telling you he's gonna play the field. Whether you want to accept that or not is another issue entirely.

 

[Lube]

(emphasis mine)

OK, look, you have your answer, I suspect you just don't want to hear it. I've never met a guy who decided to try and make me jealous so I'll make a move. I don't know who does that, and if you're hanging out with guys who play those kind of silly, pointless, immature games, run for the hills, they'll be playing those games until you get hopelessly twisted up and heartbroken over them.

Guys who are into you DO NOT go around repeatedly telling you how much they're into other guys. They focus on you.

Always listen to what a guy does, that will tell you usually all you need to know; and this guy is telling you he's gonna play the field. Whether you want to accept that or not is another issue entirely.

Actually, I'll have to disagree with you here, TX.

I can't say I understand it, but there definitely are guys who like drama and being chased.

But it's a total turnoff for me, so I just ignore them. (It was very hard to do about a year ago, with this very hot guy, but I just can't stand those mind games.)

I'm not saying this guy is necessarily one of those guys, but he could be.

To the OP: you don't really have a choice, do you? Life is full of risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[spencer]

If you like him ask him out. If he's not interested you'll find out, but at least you'll let him know you're interested.

 

[abgroupie]

Thanks guys, that was helpful!

So, last night i went over to his place and he told me that he really wanted to cuddle with me, but he didn't want to mess things up with another guy that he might start dating. So I missed my chance, but apparently he like(d/s) me at least somewhat. I told him I like him, but for now we're remaining friends, depending on what happens with this other guy. It could have been better, but honestly that was a pretty optimal outcome.

 

[spencer]

asking him out sooner would have increased your chances. you didn't have tell him you liked him directly, just asking him to hang out and hitting it off should have been enough.

 

[aijalon18]

Please have enough self-respect to not be his second choice. I cant believe he actually even said that to you. What a cocky ass. But he is not totally to blame. He must know he can talk to you like that. Even if you are just friends he should have more respect for you as a friend at least to be more considerate to that.

It is clear that you are willing to be his doormat. And if you do end up together you'll most likely take much more of his bullshit. I hope you get some more self-esteem and find someone who wants to be with you and better friends while you're at it. He doesnt sound like a good friend at all. He seems selfish and has no problems using you for affection.