How do I let people know I'm into guys at the bar?

[AverageJoe]

Hey. I'm 24, and I've been going out to gay bars to try and meet guys. I've met some fun guys, but nobody I'm really interested in sexually. Everyone is either much older than me or nothing like me. Seems like people around here only come out when they're young if they're really effeminate or already shacked up with someone.

So, my question then, is how do I meet gay or bi guys like me? Some other guys I met at the bars suggested going looking for them at the straight party bars by the college. I go to all sorts of bars all the time, but how the heck do you tell who's gay? Only thing I can think of is tagging myself by wearing a blue/purple bracelet or maybe a rainbow one if people don't get the blue/purple thing and hoping someone comes over and calls me out on it.

 

[thisisinteresting]

Make eye contact, read body language. Maybe it's just me (or my dashing good looks ) but when I make eye contact with a guy I can tell if it's "oops i made eye contact with that guy" or if they're like "mmm hello you."

 

[AlmondMilk]

I guess just strike a convo with a random guy you're next to. Just keep talking, and when the time comes right, ask? But then again, I guess timing and caution is the key.

Oh, and to add to thisisinteresting, I think I read on the forums before that if you stare at a guy for like 5 or so seconds, look away, then look back and he stares back at you, that may be some sort of hint he's interested. Maybe wait for like a wave or smile or something. Either he's interested or he's thinking, "wtf is this guy staring for." But if he's not interested, chances are that he wouldn't be looking at you if he wasn't interested...at least in my mind. Lol, I guess you'll need to practice to see how it goes.

 

[Bicuriousaussie]

Check that theres not a girl behind you before doing that lol

 

[adzaell]

blow a load on there shoes in the bathroom....... of course, that only works with certain men in certain bars.....you know, just ignore that.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Ugh.

OK...

Do NOT try to meet people in bars or hook up sites.

If you're looking for gay friends or romantic partners, it's best to put yourself out there. Decide what you like to do then find a gay club or organization that does it. You'll then meet gay people who share your interests and you meet them in places that aren't all about alcohol and quick sex.

That's where you get the friends and guys to hang out with. It's also where you'll eventually meet your potential boyfriends.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

There's an iPhone App for that!

Again.. only if you're looking for quick sex... and hey.. nothing wrong with that.

But if you're looking for something more real, you gotta put yourself out there.

 

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

I don't usually make the first move, but when I do I make eye contact and wait to see if he looks back for more than a glance. If he smiles back approach him!

 

[AverageJoe]

Jasun, you're probably right on the whole bar thing. I'll have to look for a LGBT runners club in the Spring. I've been in regular ones before, and they were pretty fun. They have to have some gay oriented ones in the summer.

Alex, thanks for the tip on eye contact. I guess I make eye contact already, but I've never really thought about it. I just saw some guides on the internet I might check out. I just don't want to look aggressive or judgemental. If 5 seconds is the magic number, I'll have to give it a try.

 

[Pushyourluck]

Yeah I agree, bars are great for beer, that's about it. Best try to put yourself "out" there wherever that is and if it doesn't exist, why not create it? Everyone is always going on about not having gay groups to meet young gay men on a social level. Would it be possible to create this in your area and surrounding areas?

 

[thewiz]

Since coming out and moving to DC in June 2005, I've met lots of guys and have a great partner right now.

When I first decided to think of coming out, I went to Chicago. I look back now and chuckle; some guys on this site told me to go to a bathhouse. Hell, would I have to shower? Would I have to bathe? I not only watched but found I was quite attractive (apparently) to guys. I had a low self esteem at the time and was totally unsure of myself. I then went to a couple clubs, ended up having sex the entire weekend and returned home to decide to come out.

There are all kinds of clubs. I love to dance and listen to music; I find it so much easier when I am not looking to find someone. It seems that since I've been in a relationship, I've been hit on even more than when I wasn't. I've also found some clubs cater to leather, others to younger guys, others to older, and others to pervs! lol!

Sports was really a great way to meet other gay guys. Most of my friends, as a result, are in their 20's or early 30's. My partner is 27. But sports ended up introducing me to lots of guys who then invited me to parties and I met other guys....on and on.

Eye contact has gotten better; smiles (I'm told I'm always smiling); and just talking. My guy tells me the reason he and so many other guys are attracted to me is I'm not afraid to talk to people and I don't come across as just looking for a quick roll in the sack (although there have been those times! lol!)

Good luck; it does take time to get comfortable with meeting other guys.

 

[AverageJoe]

Jeez Lueez! The OP was asking for something that used to be handled by the technique of cruising, an almost in-born ability to advertise and perceive the advertisements of other homosexuals in a hostile environment without any nonhomosexual picking up on what was going on.

If only that wasn't even necessary. Some day maybe...

 

[hotdog1846]

Jeez Lueez! The OP was asking for something that used to be handled by the technique of cruising, an almost in-born ability to advertise and perceive the advertisements of other homosexuals in a hostile environment without any nonhomosexual picking up on what was going on. No, not gaydar. But the use of slight glances, light gazes, minimally tweeked postures and other subtle deportments and gestures. No, not swishing. I guess you just had to be there. Back then, I mean. You just had to be then. Like a spy. Like an outcast. Like someone undercover. To be both furtive and exuberant.

We used to call that "scamming", as in "goin' scammin' on my man".