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How do you deal with breaking up?

LilVirgin

LilVirgin

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well tonight i just broke up with my guy and fuck does it hurt.... i thought i trusted him you know? and apparently it was about me because i'm having suicidal thoughts and shit... i've never been hurt in my life like that :cry: and now i'm scared to not find someone to be with...

fuck my life... and also he said to me were breaking up for now (what does that mean?)..
 
Re: How do you dwell with braking up?

LilVirgin said:
fuck my life... and also he said to me were braking up for now (what does that mean?)..
Click to expand...

That means it's time for you to focus on yourself, get help and get your life together.
 
I don't know how old you are, but this could very well be your first adult emotional pain. I'm sorry this has happened, but there is a way through it.

Unfortunately, a lot if people as they hit puberty come to believe that they won't be complete unless they have a partner and they carry this into adulthood. In actuality we cannot be in a healthy relationship as long as we have this notion. A healthy relationship is the union of two complete individuals forming a third entity.

So here is my advice, above all do not isolate except for a limited amount of time each day. Get outdoors and/or exercise. See your friends. Journal your thoughts and feelings to help get them out of your head and onto paper or the computer. If you stay stuck go for a few counciling sessions. Avoid destructive behaviors. Rearrange your bedroom. Gather up the momentos and store them somewhere out of the way for now. Find a new hobby.

It will get better through your efforts to normalize your life. Good luck to you.
 
Seasoned's advice is golden. Esp. paragraph 2. Read that a few times.

Breaking up hurts. The only way it doesn't hurt is when you don't care about the relationship.

How do I deal with it? I cry. I talk to my dogs. I cry some more. I get off my butt and live my life. Then I cry some more. And I give it time because I know each day, the hurt will get a little less.

And if it doesn't, if I'm stuck in pain, I get help from a counselor.

It hurts like hell.

Right now, I think you hurt so much you feel like you cannot survive the pain. But you can. And you will.

Entering a relationship requires taking the risk of rejection. And the scariest part is that while it takes two people to get together, it only takes one person to end things. That sucks, big time. It isn't fair. But it's life.

If you are thinking about suicide, call a help line. Get friends over to be with you. If you are thinking of acting on the thoughts, call 911 or call SOMEONE. Don't do it. Please.

You can and will survive this. But, yes. It hurts right now more than you thought it was possible to hurt. And that pain is all you can feel or recognize. And that is human.

Things will get better.
(*8*)
 
Friend,

You are not alone. Sadly too many of us have been hurt by others. Most of time, I don't think they realize how much they have hurt us.

Even more sadly, we've hurt others too. And we probably don't realize he have or how much. We are individuals that by nature put ourselves first, our interests first. To compromise thats a lot of love, trust and intelligence.

If I read your note, the breakup was your bf had too much stress and pressure. He was scared by your thoughts of suicide. I think he could not cope. His "for now" was his hope that you defeat this problem and that the two of you can try again.

But you do need to defeat this problem of self-hate. You must learn to love yourself. It might take some professional help. Please seek it out. As stated above, with acceptance, life gets better. Don't allow others to define and shape your world. Take control and live life and celebrate life. Your life is worth living and it will get better.

please take care - please seek professional aid - please live

Rand
 
Thanks for the replies guy's, well we are officially broke up.. His ex (instead of my bf) tells me that he didn't need a boyfriend who's a retard and a weirdo... i've never been hurt so much in my life no one called me (the r word) before and it hit hard on me when he said that to me... FUCK!!..
 
Don't worry about what anyone says about you right now--least of all, your ex's ex. Just focus on taking care of yourself. You sound like you are too hard on yourself. Be forgiving and generous to yourself, and treat yourself as well as you would treat another person.
 
All the advice above is great and I hope you can find something in it to help you. Yes, it's a horrible ride and there's really no way to reduce it, in my experience.

One thing, though, is your response to what you've been told. Yes, you have a right to be very hurt and furious at what you were called. That is completely inappropriate, regardless who it comes from or why. However, this is probably not the best time to address that behavior; just realize that it was inappropriate. A little later on, when things are going better, I would encourage you to let this schmuck know just how completely unacceptable his comment was.

Keep in touch; we want to hear how you're doing.

ned
 
LilVirgin said:
Thanks for the replies guy's, well we are officially broke up.. His ex (instead of my bf) tells me that he didn't need a boyfriend who's a retard and a weirdo... i've never been hurt so much in my life no one called me (the r word) before and it hit hard on me when he said that to me... FUCK!!..
Click to expand...

I bet that did hurt. Deeply. It was cruel. It was wrong. Nice people don't say things like that. :grrr:

Ask yourself, is this guy someone you respect so much that you will let his thoughts define who you believe you are? I mean, he's acted like a rude jerk to say something like that.

But right now you are hurting. And that is normal. Things will get better.

Try to find something that you normally like to do and do it. Maybe a pick-up game of basketball? Bowling? Anything physical is best. But it could be you get some friends and go to a movie, preferably a stupid comedy? Just something to get you out so you have a break from focusing on the hurt.

You may think: "You don't get it, internet guy! I don't want to go out. I don't feel like it. I just want hide and cry." Of course you do. I so totally get it and have been there.

You did not choose for him to leave. You do get to choose how you react.

Hang in there. It's hard. (*8*)
 
My first big gay relationship was very tumultuous, so I can understand how it feels to have someone tell you nasty things about yourself. At the end of it, I felt very demoralized and unattractive. This was at 20.

At 26, I've had better relationships. I've met much better people. At the end of the day, I'm not always happy with how I look or my life in general, but I can always improve. I'm the only me out there and someone is gonna be lucky enough to have this bundle of awesome someday ;)

Just because one relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that you're anywhere near the end of your dating days. There are good boyfriends and bad boyfriends. Its all about compatibility. Sometimes, its better to cut your losses and look towards something better.

Keep your head up sweetheart and you'll be fantastic <3
 
Hi Lilvirgin,

I know broke up with your BF it hurt. I believe lots of people in this forum experience the same pain one way or the other. Believe me you will get over it. yes you will and you can. As NCdoguy said each day it will hurt a little less.

My advice is go to library read the book how to let go a relationship. Tell yourself is his loss not yours. Don't look back . time will heal the wound. you have to learn to love yourself. There will be another good one right at the corner waiting get to know you.

Don't rush into another relationship. let the wound heal then move on. hope you feel better soon.

Andrew
 
I usually cry my eyes out for a few days. Then feel like shit for awhile. The length of this feeling depends on how deeply I was into the person. Then just move on with life.
 
You are so better off without a loser like this guy in your life.

You are worth more and can do way better than an asshat like this guy.

Stop crying, wipe off the runny mascara, kick something hard and then have a laugh about anyone and his ex who are so lame as to have to cover up their own inadequacies by hurting another person.

Oh.

And leave a bag of burning dog poop on his porch.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your break-up, no one wants to go through one. It's always a difficult and horrible time for everyone involved.

I deal with it by being alone - grieving and listening to sad or depressing music and bawling my eyes out til I get tired of crying. Y'know just letting it all out. It's a bit therapeutic for me. For the first few days I'm like that, then I slowly go out and get on with life - just being busy and doing things that I usually do. One thing though, make sure you have someone available to talk to and just let them know whatever you're feeling - if you're still grieving or if you haven't moved on yet or how much you hate your ex, just talk about it.

Each person has a different way of coping and some take a little bit longer than most to finally reach the stage of acceptance. In the meantime, here's an online hug... I know it won't be easy and it'll be a long, hard road but we will cheer you on! ..|
 
i just sorta went through a breakup D:
i just try to keep myself busy,
i start college in less than a week, so that will keep me busy
but its hard going

hugs all around
 
Ending relationships sucks. So much of the advice you've gotten here is SPOT ON! Especially by Seasoned. His advice on these boards is usually the best advice in any of the threads.

Don't hate yourself. Don't hate him either. I noticed that there were some comments about your ex being a loser, and all that stuff. But essentially, it's irrelevant right now.

You are the only person who can make you happy. Give yourself some time to grieve the relationship. You were invested in it, you were putting effort into it, and now it has ended. Spend a night at home and have a good cry. If you want to eat a pint (or two) of Ben & Jerry's, do it. If you want to go out with your best friend and have a little too much too drink, do it (but drink responsibly, and don't let it become a routine habit). Do what you feel you should do. One thing I heard someone say, and I forget who but it was some celebrity in an interview on one of the talk shows, I think, who said this: "What makes a relationship meaningful is a special secret between two people. When that relationship ends, you should put those special moments in a box, lock it up, and keep it forever, don't share it, but in due time, look for another box to fill up with someone else." I think thats great reflective advice for you to take advantage of in this situation.

One thing I really take advantage of out of a breakup is reconnecting with my friends. It happens to a lot of us... we start dating and that person becomes the priority. We sometimes go from seeing our best friend once or twice a week, to maybe once or twice every two weeks. Reconnect with them. Stay active with them.

Remember that the world is still turning, and at the end of the day, this effects you, and only you. That's not to make you feel isolated, but moreso to encourage you to remember that life goes on! You will get past this, your friends are still there for you, keep moving and keep active.

You'll be OK! Keep your chin up!
 
awww, i like the idea of keeping the memories but knowing when to move on (:
 
Even though we dated only for 6months, we broke up just 2 months ago. I understand how hurt it is, I was totally depressed for weeks....still miss my ex and wanna get back together. He's my first love/ gay relationship.....Cant get him out of my heart and my mind till when i die. Life is harsh and you need to move on....suicide is a big mistake!
 
Whenever I went through breakups in the past, I found I really through myself into my work/career

I also went out alone and with friends to bars to "live a little".
 
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