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On Topic Discussion How Do You Find Play Partners These Days?

D

DCTwink

Joined
Feb 17, 2014
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How do you find play partners these days?

For me I’ve always been heavily into the apps whether for women or men. However, I’ve found the quality of these and all dating apps like Tinder and Grindr to have gone down the tubes over the past couple of years.

In addition to these, what do you do? Other gay sites, fetish ones like Fetlife etc?

Or is it back to good ole fashioned meeting in person?
 
Dude, I have no clue. I haven't had sex in almost a year. I've gone to the bathhouse, nothing, I'm on Grindr, nothing, I'm on Sniffies, nothing, I'm on Gay411... nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I doubt I'll ever have sex again.
 
I think there has been a shift on apps over recent years, maybe since covid. There's more browsing, endless chatting, less willingness to meet, more ghosting and flakiness. I've used Squirt in the past and I found several great friends with benefits as well as a lot of hookups, and more recently I found that guys are less willing to meet, and those who are, tend to insist on risky behaviour like unprotected sex. I've given up on apps, and I have to admit to the personal factor as well - I'm an older bottom, and there are plenty of bottoms out there to choose from. I've given up on apps now. In my area there are three forests where guys meet for random encounters and I know where to get it if I want it - if that's your thing, then yes, meeting in person still works. If you want more than an anonymous hookup, you might need to look elsewhere.

In your re-introductory post you said you're a top with 7". I suspect you would get some interest on apps, more so than me, lol. You can still get action on apps, it's just a bit harder and you need to be patient.
 
BiBtm64 said:
I think there has been a shift on apps over recent years, maybe since covid. There's more browsing, endless chatting, less willingness to meet, more ghosting and flakiness. I've used Squirt in the past and I found several great friends with benefits as well as a lot of hookups, and more recently I found that guys are less willing to meet, and those who are, tend to insist on risky behaviour like unprotected sex. I've given up on apps, and I have to admit to the personal factor as well - I'm an older bottom, and there are plenty of bottoms out there to choose from. I've given up on apps now. In my area there are three forests where guys meet for random encounters and I know where to get it if I want it - if that's your thing, then yes, meeting in person still works. If you want more than an anonymous hookup, you might need to look elsewhere.

In your re-introductory post you said you're a top with 7". I suspect you would get some interest on apps, more so than me, lol. You can still get action on apps, it's just a bit harder and you need to be patient.
Click to expand...

I mean, I still get interested, but I feel like the quality of guys, ladies, etc., has gone downhill big time.

I have also noticed more convos that are bridges to no where. Also more disturbingly like you, I've noticed more risk taking behaviors amomg marches willing to meet up. Also, a lot more scambots and esp. Over the past few years “content creators.”

Eg. Guys claiming to be on PrEP insisting on bareback no exceptions, unvaccinated etc. All big no gos for me as I put my sexual health first as cheesy as it sounds.
 
DCTwink said:
I mean, I still get interested, but I feel like the quality of guys, ladies, etc., has gone downhill big time.

I have also noticed more convos that are bridges to no where. Also more disturbingly like you, I've noticed more risk taking behaviors amomg marches willing to meet up. Also, a lot more scambots and esp. Over the past few years “content creators.”

Eg. Guys claiming to be on PrEP insisting on bareback no exceptions, unvaccinated etc. All big no gos for me as I put my sexual health first as cheesy as it sounds.
Click to expand...
Not cheesy at all, and I feel the same. As a bottom, I'd be taking the most risk. I feel as though the top claims to be "clean and on PrEP" (isn't everyone "clean" these days?) but he'd be doing the fucking, I'd be doing the taking. PrEP never protected anyone from a host of other STIs besides HIV.

I know what you mean about convos that go nowhere, endless chatter and "Hi" messages. I understand many guys might be cautious and wanting to sound people out, but it gets ridiculous. I used to offer to meet in a neutral place, such as for coffee, and we can see if each other are psychopaths before we're alone and naked together; but no, they just ignore it and continue the pointless chatter - how horny they are, etc. And asking for endless pictures! Have you noticed how many guys can't send a picture in return for getting one? They need me to go to another app, or they haven't been able to get a photo - dude, it's the 21st century, you don't need to get Ansel Adams around with the wooden box camera.

I found Squirt made it almost impossible on the "basic" (free) membership to arrange a meeting with the limitations. Paying members supposedly had no limits on being contacted but free members had a limit on the number of messages, so in fact there was a limit, imposed by the free members' restrictions. It stopped being a worthwhile investment for me.

I've actually found myself a lot happier and more productive in life, with all the time I have to spend on my other interests, now that I'm not trying in vain to get fucked each weekend. It's sad, but true, and I know there's the ageist factor, I have to be honest with myself. That's the true reason I don't have sex any more, not because I don't want it, but because I was wasting my time and demeaning myself trying to get it. Anyway, sorry to piss on the parade! I hope you find some success with the apps, like I said, if you're younger, a top, and you have a 7" cock you'll no doubt be popular. Good luck buddy.
 
I would love to know the answer to this, as well. The entirety of my state's gay community seems localized in one city, and I can't afford the gas or time for frequent trips. I've been to a couple gay bars, but there's nobody there when I show up. I've tried a couple apps like Scruff, but that was just putting bullets to my self-confidence. I'm almost tempted to use Sniffies just to know if there are people, in spite of the dangers.

I'd like to know what it's like to be in a relationship; holding hands in public, two straws in a milkshake, all that tawdry shit. But from my perspective it just feels like other LGBT people only exist on the internet, they're not real.
 
DCTwink said:
Eg. Guys claiming to be on PrEP insisting on bareback no exceptions, unvaccinated etc. All big no gos for me as I put my sexual health first as cheesy as it sounds.
Click to expand...
In my experience in the UK unvaccinated is very rare. Usually they advertise the opposite.
 
This thread is reassuring! I though I was stuck in some twilight zone, but it seems the situation is universal.

And what is the motivation behind guys who send me a tap or "hi", and then when I respond they never reply back again?
 
I met all my partners in the days before social media.

I get that homo bars and baths are probably dead these days, but most of the guys I met were in restaurants, mixed bars and other social events.

Volunteer for organizations. get to the beach. join lgbtq groups.

Network dammit.
 
Mostly all the guys I hooked up with came from Facebook.

Grindr used to be great when it first came out and the guys were willing to come and meet up. Nowadays I just get random nudes or a few messages, and it doesn't go anywhere. I always have better luck on Grindr when I am in the South.

Bumble BFF seems pretty cool.
 
pigface said:
This thread is reassuring! I though I was stuck in some twilight zone, but it seems the situation is universal.

And what is the motivation behind guys who send me a tap or "hi", and then when I respond they never reply back again?
Click to expand...
I think there are so many choices, so much noise, and so little depth, many guys are not willing or able to develop any meaningful connection that might lead to meeting. It's easy and takes no effort or commitment to say "Hi" and getting a reply feels like validation. Having gotten that, they move on. It's likely that many guys have so many conversations on the go that they can't keep up with them all, or just peppering cyberspace with "Hi" like throwing berley in the water to lure fish. You might get fish interested in the berley and they might nibble, but it takes more effort to actually catch a fish, and that's where the interest wanes.

Many people are just not interested in investing any effort in developing any sort of conversation, and it shows in real life, too. How many times do you casually ask someone "How are you?" and they either don't know where to take it from there, or they take it as an invitation to tell you, at length, exactly how they are and they talk about themselves for the next half an hour. The internet has reduced people's inter-personal skills, I think, and the type of activity on hookup apps is a symptom of that, not an isolated thing.
 
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