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How do you get over a breakup?

Maestro719

Maestro719

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There may have been a threadlike this already, but how do you get over a break up? I mean, from a serious relationship. Three months ago me and my ex girlfriend broke up, and we were really happy. We truly planned on getting married but long story short it ended. I know it gets better everyday, but all I can do is try to not think about it.
 
Time mostly and stopping contact with them. Even my long-term ex, I am not truly over and it took me a year to get back to even dating again.
 
usually after a breakup, I'll have a brief window of time where I'm happy about the new-found freedom, and I'll spend a month just slutting it up.

then I get sad again, but over time, you start thinking about the person less and less. if you count the last 3 months or so when I knew my relationship was starting to spiral down the drain, it took me about a year to get over my last ex.
 
It can sometimes take a long while to stop thinking about her as much, if at all, especially if she's been on your mind for a long time before the breakup. Your mind is wired to think about her a lot, and you've likely developed a lot of associations between your now ex-girlfriend and the other general and mundane things in your life, so any little thing will remind you of her. This will slowly fade in time.

It can be really hard if you imagined a long future with her, as you said you did. Your mind has this idea of what the next few years may look like, and then the rug is pulled out from under you and you have to imagine a new future, which can be very hard to do.

What I do in this situation is just keep myself busy. If you find yourself having lots of free time, your mind tends to wander and think of her and all the memories you have of you two. Keep your mind occupied through most of the day. However, if you have unsettled emotions and feel like you need to go through them and experience them, allow yourself time to do that. It's healthy to express emotion and get it out, but if it gets to the point where it really interferes with your daily life, it may be time to talk to a trusted friend or even a therapist.

Other than that, as darden mentioned, be happy about the freedom and the new opportunity to find someone else. Work on bettering yourself - learn a new skill or recipe, take up writing, do something that opens your mind. And most of all, learn to be happy and to love yourself. You really have to start there before you can get into a successful relationship.

You may never forget her, as maxpowr9 mentions, and it may take time to start dating again. But you will start dating when the time is right. Trust in the process. Things will happen when they're meant to.
 
I read some time ago that the average time to get over an ex is about a year and 5 months or so. I have no idea if that is true. In my case, I did think about my ex for some time after we broke up but stopped really after I met my current boyfriend and this story, I´ve heard it many times; meet new people and in the meantime have fun and do whatever makes you happy!
 
The one remedy is TIME...it really does get better as time goes along but when you are in the middle of it that can be hard to believe and remember
 
The best way is to pay attention to the stages of grief. Do your best not to dwell or to keep returning to the bargaining stage. That can keep you stuck for a very long time.
 
As everyone else mentioned already, keeping yourself busy is a great way to keep your mind occupied.

I don't have a lot of friends because I'm an introvert. When I broke up with my ex, I joined Meetup. Give it a try. I'm sure you'll find something that interests you. I ended up learning some new things (like rock climbing), and making some new friends. I joined like 20 groups and had something going on pretty much every night.
 
Thanks everyone.
The other night I sent her a goodbye letter.. I felt much better after sending it. And Honestly there has been another girl in my classes that has been catching my attention so that helps too. :)
 
Maestro719 said:
Thanks everyone.
The other night I sent her a goodbye letter.. I felt much better after sending it. And Honestly there has been another girl in my classes that has been catching my attention so that helps too. :)
Click to expand...

There you go. Problem solved.
I could say that some people don't actually get over your exes, if you truly cared for them over a long period of time. But given enough time, you will feel the need to meet up with someone else. So, time is a factor. And the sooner you meet up with someone else and maybe hook up, the better and faster you can move on.
 
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