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How do you get over a guy that you can't have?

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You guys know the story. Gay guy likes straight guy, never going to happen etc.

The problem is that I'm so infatuated with him, that whenever I see him even the slightest bit flirty with a girl, I start to hate him, and I love him as a friend more than anything else and don't want to lose him, yet I can't just ignore this...fire in the pit of my stomach. The only thing I can think of is hanging out with him when he's only around my group of friends.
 
First, Does he know you're Gay/Bi/etc...?

Second, have you been friends.....a long time?

Third, If he does, have you guys shared a intimate moment together...alone?


I have had some of those moments with a "STR8" guy that fooled around with me and then loved the attention of the ladies...then took of them home. I did feel jealous...but then I decided it's not worth it...Let's think back at Queer as Folk(you have seen the show, right). In the very 1st season, Michael Novotny has an infatuation with Brian Kinney. Brian knows this. Why doesn't he screw Michael? Because he loves knowing that someone wants him badly.......it gives him power(something like that#-o)

Have you tried to see if he looks at you whenever you talk to another guy/girl? I don't mean a friend... I mean a random person you just meet in a bar or club.
Maybe there might be some things there...but I'm not saying to say "I'm in love with you" to the guy...just take it slowly...and have a conversation with the guy, one-on-one. Then maybe you'll see if this was just a crush, lust, or love! Just take it slowly.......(whispers)....take it slowly........take it one day at a time!
 
Just realize that he is not THAT unique and there is someone else out there (which I hate saying because it's cliche) that is better for you.
 
I have this same problem.. :[

But I am surviving! No contact works!
 
im in exactly the same boat. except my best mate is camper then a row of pink tents, he messes wiv my head to the point where i just spend most of my time thinking what if? he asked me to give him a back rub on sat night (twice) which i did, he touched me and kissed me while we were in bed together and said that he was asleep the whole time, i told him im bi and hes totally cool with it. but now its like getting silly. i try ignoring him but it is just not that easy.
i get angry with him all the time when he says oh there is this girl who asked me out on a date on the weekend what should i do??
literally makes me furious.
 
TrdMrk said:
Just realize that he is not THAT unique and there is someone else out there (which I hate saying because it's cliche) that is better for you.
Click to expand...

Well said!..|
And as for crushing on the actors or models or any other cute guys on on a reality tv show, (generally those people who u dont get to meet in every day life) i usually just forgot that person for a bit or simply reminded myself that since he is straight he is not that interesting. Sometimes,i just crush on another new better looking pr hotter model/actor to get over the previous heartbroke crush.:rolleyes:
 
Okay.....I'm gonna tell you guys a personal story. Here goes:

I was 20-21 at the time(like two years ago), I kept in contact with my friends from High School. One of them, Lucy, called me and she invited me to church(the thing she didn't tell me was that it was a Christian; don't get me wrong I have nothing against Christians) So we go together and at the end I meet one of her friends(a guy). Lucy told him a lot about me... a lot...... I mean the whole enchilada. So he said that if I wanted to hang out with him(It was part of the church's curriculum, to hang out with new people) So it was a Saturday, we went to the movies(went to see Fat Albert...such an awful movie). While we were on the freeway, he started telling me that he USED TO(key word, USED TO) be with a guy but because of his family(was christian), he decide to CHANGE(another key word, CHANGE)

I told him about my 1st... then my 2nd....no, there wasn't a 3rd. He started saying it's wrong...it's wrong....(repeat)(repeat). So then when we arrived we were met by his friends from church(I know, I thought this was one-on-one time) Along with his friends, he had this girl with him but they kept saying there were friends(WHATEVER). I kept thinking "Is he testing me"? "So soon"? We watched the movie and went out to dinner...He sat next to the girl and started to poke her(How Childish) But I was getting kid of jealous...cause I felt we shared an intimate moment in the car..when we shared our stories.

Anyways, two weeks after, I kept going to the church and liked it...then the phone calls started:eek:(He asked for my number so we could have BIBLE CHATS--oop oop, another key word--okay I'll stop it) He kept calling me late at night or on the weekends. He used to give me rides to the church and back to my house. One time, on the phone, he asked me: What would I have done if he made a move on me? I was freaked out:eek:...dude.....but that wasn't the worst of it....he kept calling me and more obscene questions. One time I asked him Are you really "straight"?..............................He hyperventilated in a rage and hung up.

The next day, I called my friend Lucy and we put two-on-two together. Turns out, he kept calling her and asking same questions like the ones he kept asking me(changing the sex and pronoun, okay--oh, and by the way, Lucy is straight)
So I still kept going...avoided his calls and him...until one night at church, he came and said I've missed you(I really wanted to leave at that moment)...then he hugged me...so I went along with it and patted his back...like you do to a dog on the head. Then(I'll never forget this), while in church, he felt me up...let me break it down for you......he placed his hand on my chest and started rubbing it across...FREAK...I mean we're in church...C'mon Dude. After that incident, I stopped going 'cause it felt weird and felt like I was violated.

Two months later, I heard he got married to the girl he kept poking at and had a kid. The thing that I mostly fear is that, what if he's doing this to other guys and I didn't say anything. But for the moral of my personal experience...is that the guy that you can't have...was probably meant for somebody else...and maybe you're getting the wrong signals. And I know I MAY have contradicted myself at my above post...but maybe it's better to find someone that isn't THE DEVIL:(.

FYI the guy was 24-25 at the time.
 
I don't think it's as simple as convincing yourself he's not really that special, or telling yourself it's not going to happen. It's a method that can help but I don't think saying 'he's annoying anyway, so I hate him' is going to do that much. Being realistic is very important, and time definitely can help. It's possible that if you find someone else you won't need to obsess over him too.

Also I seem to remember people saying if you just tell them how you feel to get it out of your system then you can start forgetting about them, since you can't hold on to any 'what if's and possibilities, and can hear straight from the horse's mouth.
 
momoda6 said:
I don't think it's as simple as convincing yourself he's not really that special, or telling yourself it's not going to happen. It's a method that can help but I don't think saying 'he's annoying anyway, so I hate him' is going to do that much. Being realistic is very important, and time definitely can help. It's possible that if you find someone else you won't need to obsess over him too.
Click to expand...

You beat me to it. There's lots of guys out there, and gettin' some can take your mind of the one you're obsessing over real quick.
 
Letting go and moving on is never easy and take lots of time and energy for one to really take care of himself and his feelings. I have been through this several times... not just with straight men, but with gay men, as well.
 
Been there four times in life. Each time I pined for the dude for WAY more time (years) than I should have.

You want to know how? By going after the opportunities that are out there. If you keep your eye on opportunities, your crush will be put on the back burner.

If you don't focus on opportunities with new men, then your crush takes up all your heat. It's painful. Been there. Done it.

But guess what? You're going to find somebody who believe it or not will be just as or hotter than your crush!

And you will also get to a place where time and you take the crush away and you will look back with disgust at the time and energy you wasted on the person.
 
vegetaishott2003 said:
Okay.....I'm gonna tell you guys a personal story. Here goes:

I was 20-21 at the time(like two years ago), I kept in contact with my friends from High School. One of them, Lucy, called me and she invited me to church(the thing she didn't tell me was that it was a Christian; don't get me wrong I have nothing against Christians) So we go together and at the end I meet one of her friends(a guy). Lucy told him a lot about me... a lot...... I mean the whole enchilada. So he said that if I wanted to hang out with him(It was part of the church's curriculum, to hang out with new people) So it was a Saturday, we went to the movies(went to see Fat Albert...such an awful movie). While we were on the freeway, he started telling me that he USED TO(key word, USED TO) be with a guy but because of his family(was christian), he decide to CHANGE(another key word, CHANGE)

I told him about my 1st... then my 2nd....no, there wasn't a 3rd. He started saying it's wrong...it's wrong....(repeat)(repeat). So then when we arrived we were met by his friends from church(I know, I thought this was one-on-one time) Along with his friends, he had this girl with him but they kept saying there were friends(WHATEVER). I kept thinking "Is he testing me"? "So soon"? We watched the movie and went out to dinner...He sat next to the girl and started to poke her(How Childish) But I was getting kid of jealous...cause I felt we shared an intimate moment in the car..when we shared our stories.

Anyways, two weeks after, I kept going to the church and liked it...then the phone calls started:eek:(He asked for my number so we could have BIBLE CHATS--oop oop, another key word--okay I'll stop it) He kept calling me late at night or on the weekends. He used to give me rides to the church and back to my house. One time, on the phone, he asked me: What would I have done if he made a move on me? I was freaked out:eek:...dude.....but that wasn't the worst of it....he kept calling me and more obscene questions. One time I asked him Are you really "straight"?..............................He hyperventilated in a rage and hung up.

The next day, I called my friend Lucy and we put two-on-two together. Turns out, he kept calling her and asking same questions like the ones he kept asking me(changing the sex and pronoun, okay--oh, and by the way, Lucy is straight)
So I still kept going...avoided his calls and him...until one night at church, he came and said I've missed you(I really wanted to leave at that moment)...then he hugged me...so I went along with it and patted his back...like you do to a dog on the head. Then(I'll never forget this), while in church, he felt me up...let me break it down for you......he placed his hand on my chest and started rubbing it across...FREAK...I mean we're in church...C'mon Dude. After that incident, I stopped going 'cause it felt weird and felt like I was violated.

Two months later, I heard he got married to the girl he kept poking at and had a kid. The thing that I mostly fear is that, what if he's doing this to other guys and I didn't say anything. But for the moral of my personal experience...is that the guy that you can't have...was probably meant for somebody else...and maybe you're getting the wrong signals. And I know I MAY have contradicted myself at my above post...but maybe it's better to find someone that isn't THE DEVIL:(.

FYI the guy was 24-25 at the time.
Click to expand...

What does this have to do with the topic? I don't see the connection.
 
It's not a feeling you can easily loose.

There have been a few instances in which I felt a certain person would be ideal for me. In most of these instances, you feel that you can't express yourself to them, as realistically, you just know a relationship is not a possibility.

I guess that's the hard part. You're left with many thoughts of "What if?" as since you know you're unable to approach this individual and tell them how you feel, you never get the closure from hearing their response. If you know what I mean.

Although these feelings can sometimes last for a while, letting it go over time is how I got over it. You just can't let it consume you.
 
It's happened to me three times. They've taken A LOT of time to get over, but I'd constantly be running it through my head that *it's just not realistic*.

The problem with me is that all my crushes are my very best friends (like family), so it's not like I've been able to take time away from them.
 
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