There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about anyone as long as you know the difference! Why are you beating yourself up over this? I recently told my straight friend that I fantasized about us together, he was really cool with it, and we both decided that we don't really want each other in reality. Just cause a guy is a good 'dream guy' doesn't mean he's the one that is good for you in reality.
If the fantasy makes you happy, then what is so wrong with it?
Even if he was seriously yours, I'm not sure you are emotionally ready to handle a real relationship now. No offense but you seem pretty insecure and oversensitive, and seem to still be finding yourself.
Also you should probably learn to be empathetic to other gay men, and nicer to them as well cause real men are rarely like the porn jock 'str8 boy' fantasy that so many of us have. It doesn't sound like you will really be all that interested unless a guy treats you like shit, so therefore the positive gay men who are out of the closet are repelled by you. I've seen it sooo many times, cause I used to be alot like you, you're into being used and treated like shit; a part of you actually doesn't like being hurt but the fantasy is so strong you can't pull yourself away from it. You are interntalizing a lot of messages and stuff about what a 'real man is' and the like, and you kinda don't get that love is a two-way street.
Maybe it's time for you to lay down the computer and the Crack Straight Boy fantasy for awhile and work on improving and loving yourself first? But a lot of gay men are like you, and it's like you all are insecure and low self-esteem. It's kind of sad. Like all these people feel so bad about themselves! And they think that the 'Confident Straight Jock' will complete them. Be your own boyfriend! Be all the man that you need, cause it's kind of gross.
If the fantasy makes you happy, then what is so wrong with it?
Even if he was seriously yours, I'm not sure you are emotionally ready to handle a real relationship now. No offense but you seem pretty insecure and oversensitive, and seem to still be finding yourself.
Also you should probably learn to be empathetic to other gay men, and nicer to them as well cause real men are rarely like the porn jock 'str8 boy' fantasy that so many of us have. It doesn't sound like you will really be all that interested unless a guy treats you like shit, so therefore the positive gay men who are out of the closet are repelled by you. I've seen it sooo many times, cause I used to be alot like you, you're into being used and treated like shit; a part of you actually doesn't like being hurt but the fantasy is so strong you can't pull yourself away from it. You are interntalizing a lot of messages and stuff about what a 'real man is' and the like, and you kinda don't get that love is a two-way street.
Maybe it's time for you to lay down the computer and the Crack Straight Boy fantasy for awhile and work on improving and loving yourself first? But a lot of gay men are like you, and it's like you all are insecure and low self-esteem. It's kind of sad. Like all these people feel so bad about themselves! And they think that the 'Confident Straight Jock' will complete them. Be your own boyfriend! Be all the man that you need, cause it's kind of gross.