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how do you guys feel about other people trying to hook you up and/or push you?

A

ayesinwi

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I have a straight friend who accused me of being gay, not so much accused, but he pretty much said "dude, it's okay if you're gay. I met a gay guy the other day and I can hook you up with him." The screwed up thing is, I don't identify with gay because to me I'm bi. I lean heavily towards women and watch straight porn or transexual porn 99% of the time. I can see where he's coming from though, he's never really seen me with a woman and he's known me for about five years. It's just that while I've lived far enough north to hang out with him, I've never been with a woman, but when I live south near where I grew up it just seems easier to meet women and have relationships with them. I feel less out of place.

Otherwise, also, how does it make you guys feel when people make comments like "there's one for you" and they are being serious? I have a few friends who do this playfully if there's some really, really obese woman or really, really old woman walking down the road, but my dad and other family members say it seriously when it actually is a girl that I could get into if we met at a party or something. That always makes me feel pressured, like there's expectations or something.

I hate that.

And now I'm not sure if I want to tell my friend that I'm bi or not, because I really don't know how he'd react. Part of me really wants to, and part of me doesn't. But he'd be the first person in 24 years that I have a real honest to goodness personal friendship with that I would have told. Ever. Except for the few occasions where me and the guy knew what we wanted, if you guys understand what I'm trying to say.
 
We all go through this, from the girl side of things your dad and others are probably just hoping to see you happy and your other friend, well the penny has dropped and he is probably sincere as well.
He has picked up on something and you can tell him, that you consider him to be your best friend , and you would like to have a D&M with him about "stuff"
 
What does D&M mean?

Anyways, I've considered telling him. I just have some paranoid issues with it, because if I tell him and he tells his wife then the chain starts and there are little birds whispering in everyone's ear. Man, does coming out usually make people this apprehensive?
 
I don't see what the big deal is. He already thinks you are gay. If he hasn't told people about that, then why would he tell people you are bi?
 
ayesinwi said:
I have a straight friend who accused me of being gay, not so much accused, but he pretty much said "dude, it's okay if you're gay. I met a gay guy the other day and I can hook you up with him." The screwed up thing is, I don't identify with gay because to me I'm bi. I lean heavily towards women and watch straight porn or transexual porn 99% of the time. I can see where he's coming from though, he's never really seen me with a woman and he's known me for about five years. It's just that while I've lived far enough north to hang out with him, I've never been with a woman, but when I live south near where I grew up it just seems easier to meet women and have relationships with them. I feel less out of place.

Otherwise, also, how does it make you guys feel when people make comments like "there's one for you" and they are being serious? I have a few friends who do this playfully if there's some really, really obese woman or really, really old woman walking down the road, but my dad and other family members say it seriously when it actually is a girl that I could get into if we met at a party or something. That always makes me feel pressured, like there's expectations or something.

I hate that.

And now I'm not sure if I want to tell my friend that I'm bi or not, because I really don't know how he'd react. Part of me really wants to, and part of me doesn't. But he'd be the first person in 24 years that I have a real honest to goodness personal friendship with that I would have told. Ever. Except for the few occasions where me and the guy knew what we wanted, if you guys understand what I'm trying to say.
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My opinion is, you're 24, ain't it time to start being honest for once with people who love you most? Screw up your courage and come out of the closet.

And don't complain about people wanting to fix you up. It just means they care about you, and want to see you happy. You can complain if they stop.
 
ayesinwi said:
Anyways, I've considered telling him. I just have some paranoid issues with it, because if I tell him and he tells his wife then the chain starts and there are little birds whispering in everyone's ear. Man, does coming out usually make people this apprehensive?
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You don't think they're already talking behind your back?

Here's the deal- if you want control over the subject, then tell the truth. Your silence on the issue just allows other people's speculation to control the topic.

The next time your friend says something about your sexual orientation, turn to him, chuckle and say, "Are you really ready to have this conversation?". Then tell him exactly what you have told us. And when you tell him, make it clear that you're not ashamed, embarrassed or confused about the subject. Make it clear that you're not telling him for any personal agenda (i.e. because you want to get in his pants). You're telling him because you consider him a trusted friend but make it clear that you want to be the person to tell other friends when you decide it's time to tell them. Ask him to respect your privacy and not discuss the issue with others.



MoltenRock III said:
And don't complain about people wanting to fix you up. It just means they care about you, and want to see you happy. You can complain if they stop.
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^^QFT.

Having your friends fix you up is a compliment. It means that they think enough of you to fix you up with someone else they like.

Having family trying to match-make is usually a PITA. They often try to fix you up with people that they want you to be with, not someone that you would want to be with.
 
So far, friends that have tried to do this to me have had terrible, terrible taste.
 
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