How do you handle these situations....

[chris2k]

Hey guys, I just wanted to get your feedback on how you handle this situation:
This happens to me at least once a week. I deal with the public all day at my job and and many of the customers are regulars. They often ask "are you married?", no I say.they say "oh ill find a girl for you" etc. sometimes they really get excited about hooking me up with some girl they know.
I never know what to say. I feel like they are not close enough with me to tell them I'm gay or that its just not necessary. is it appropriate for a customer to even know?
But then I feel that not saying I'm gay, means I'm not totally out. What do you all think? And what do you do?

 

[evanrick]

this is difficult..

you could make a joke out of it like "are you proposing to me?" or "find me a guy , etc"

if your not comfortable "outing" yourself you are basically gonna have to avoid answering. that or just shutting down their offers or making them look foolish....say you are seeing someone...if they ask "whats her name"...say whose name? they say, your girlfriend, then say "i dont have a girlfriend."

you shouldn't feel you have to hide yourself.

 

[TimT2011]

Oh, I hated people like that! Keep your little noses to yourself, I say.

You have every right to be yourself, and if you're not comfortable telling someone you're gay, then don't--that is also your right.

In my 20s I got a lot of that. I finally came up with a routine.

"Are you married?" All expression went from my face and I held up my hand and pointed to my barren ring finger. Not a word spoken. That often ended the conversation right there because I looked irritated and sarcastic.

"I know this great girl..." I just stopped a stared for a moment and asked if I looked so bad I couldn't find someone on my own. I said this jokingly and this disarmed them, thinking I took it as an offense. At that point all they cared was to make me feel better.

If all else failed, I told them I was very happy with my life, was very busy, focused, had an active social life and didn't need their help right now, but if ever... I would ask for their help.

I'm not saying these are the right things for you to say, but they worked for me. They worked for me because they were honest to my situation and my feelings. If you aren't confident and true in your response they will continually hound you like jackals.

 

[backseatboy]

That is difficult.. I'd just say, "thanks, but I'm not on the market". Or since you're lying anyway, just say that your taken. I'd find some way to just say no. I've been in similar position and the people trying to hook you up respond stronger to a challenge. Being straight up is good.

 

[landers]

I may have missed something, but why not tell them you play for the other team? At least then they might try and set you up with a guy.

 

[altlover85]

What do you say to them when they ask you if they can hook you up with some girl they know?

You could always say you're not interested and leave it at that.

Alternatively if they kept asking, at some point I'd just come out to them. While coming out is personal, clearly they feel they know you well enough to ask you the question and if they want to ask you personal questions, they should get personal answers.

People don't realize how annoying of a question that is to a gay guy who isn't out.

 

[blogthissucker]

I agree that this is a weird scenario. Someone's trying to make the conversation just a little deeper than smalltalk. Answering the question honestly seems inappropriately serious, but lying or evading almost makes an even bigger deal out of it. You want to be angry at the person for being so thoughtless, and yet they're just trying to be friendly.

I think my opinions on this have changed over time. When I first came out, telling people was a big deal to me - partly because it was new to me, and partly because I was afraid that they would see it as a big deal. Since then I've told enough people to learn that (in urban Canada, at least) it's not a big deal, so it's become a lot easier for me to tell people casually. The impression I get is that other people will take their cues from you - if you treat it as a plain old fact, they will too.

 

[HunterM]

When someone says, "Oh I'll find a girl for you." Just have fun with him/her and reply, "That will be fabulous! I need a girl to go shopping with."

I would love to see their reactions!

 

[blogthissucker]

This thread got me thinking about how gay guys normally bring this up in smalltalk, so I started a new thread about that specifically: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=340695

 

[Seasoned]

This is tricky. I tell most everyone, but notsure I would if it could affect my livelihood. My partner and I combined our names and changed them legally when our state passed a very mean anti-gay marriage amendment. The name creates a lit of comment and I tell everyone who asks the whole story.

Your case is different being that you're single, but it would be easiest, if you're comfortable, to have the same tagline. Perhaps something like, "thanks, if you know any nice, good-looking gay guys around my age feel free to talk me up. I'm still looking for the right person."

 

[Scottyboi]

"Sorry but I'm not interested right now =)"

Just cuz you don't volunteer the information doesn't mean your not out. If the customer flat out asked you if you were gay I'd probably say "excuse me? but how is that any of your business?" or "yep " pending on the type of person asking and how I felt that day

 

[castoono]

Involve your mother into he thing, like if you were a mother's boy: She'll need to be approved by mama.

Use religion: I am not so special. I only need a precious virgin gurl. <- That one kills 99'99%

 

[HunterM]

I only need a precious virgin gurl. <- That one kills 99'99%

Good one! Creepy but