How Do You Respond to "Why Do Gays Have to Come Out"?

[kyguy1133]

As im am going through my coming out process question has been a hot topic with my mother and sisters. It is hard to come up with a good response for them beacuse they do not understand what it's like to be in the closet. I tell them that I don't know why but I really feel the need to come out for me to accept and respect who I am. I don't think they understand still but thats my answer.

 

[anchihiro]

Flip the question. "Why don't you do more to understand what gay people have to go through and listen before you make your judgements?"

 

[TX-Beau]

As im am going through my coming out process question has been a hot topic with my mother and sisters. It is hard to come up with a good response for them beacuse they do not understand what it's like to be in the closet. I tell them that I don't know why but I really feel the need to come out for me to accept and respect who I am. I don't think they understand still but thats my answer.

They say that because they want you to hide. Because of what you being gay means for them. You had to come to terms with yourself, they need the same kind of time to come to terms with it also.

Frankly, families - no matter how accepting of you behind closed doors, have a lot of the same issues about what you being gay means about them, and what people are going to say about them.

It's one of the reasons why guys who say that:

"...It doesn't affect anyone else, who I fuck is private..."

is such a silly argument.

 

[yummylongsword]

My uncle was watching The View (yes, I know) and Ricky Martin was on, Bab's mentioned Ricky came out and he protested asking"why do they have to let everyone know they're gay?"

I answered "because he came out of the closet." And then he asked, "yeah but, why do they have to come out of the closet?"

I didn't say anything but was tempted to respond "because we're invisible without positive role models for younger gay guys" or turn the tables and ask him "well, why do straight people have to come out of their closet?" Then he said, "She's (Barbara Walters) supporting gays. She can become a target."

I know he's ignorant and from a different generation but doesn't he get it by now? It's a different era, nobody deserves to live in the closet.

How do you respond to people like this? If you respond at all.

I think you might be misunderstanding what he meant. Was he really saying "why do people have to let others know their gay?" or did he mean"why do some gay people have to make such a spectacle of their coming out?"

Personally, the whole "coming out" thing seems silly for most people. When a straight person gets a girlfriend, they don't gather everyone up and explain that they are straight and have known since they were 10. They just introduce their new girlfriend to everyone. Now obviously there are some people that need to know specifically (your parents, etc) and so you have to explicitly tell them... but everyone else should just accept you whenever your sexuality happens to come up. If not, fuck them. There's no reason you should have to make an event out of something that should just be taken for granted if we're going to move forward as a society.

I mean, I've had it really easy, so this just makes sense to me. Obviously other people in different places have different issues... but all the gay guys I know that make a huuuge deal out of their coming out make me embarrassed to be gay, since they really won't have ANY problems coming out to the populace (instead of beating up gay people at my school, they beat up people who bully gay people. I'm not exaggerating).

But anyway... if your uncle DID really ask why people don't just stay in the closet for their whole life, then I wouldn't really know how to respond. It's sort of like saying "yeah, I understand it's not a choice and I realize there are people hiding their real selves, but screw them". It would almost be better if he just thought it were a choice to be gay, or something.

 

[Bent-On]

"because we're invisible without positive role models for younger gay guys"

I don't find Ricky Martin to be a positive role model for younger gay guys. In fact, I find him to be the exact opposite, and his personal history tells a markedly uninspiring story.

As for celebrities coming out of the closet, the media will often turn it into a spectacle, but some celebrities do manage to keep it low-key and dignified.