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Bears How do you seduce a bear/ daddy?

I met one through this site.

And I met the other on growlr. Though we met up and got to know each other a bit before we headed into bed together.
 
Ugh, I'm very skeptical of meeting people online. I've tried a few apps but it appears as though they just want to get right down to business instead of getting to know one another. It's hard to just blindly trust people you meet online.
 
Kevin8 said:
Ugh, I'm very skeptical of meeting people online. I've tried a few apps but it appears as though they just want to get right down to business instead of getting to know one another. It's hard to just blindly trust people you meet online.
Click to expand...

You don't expect to have "trust" at a first meeting. You CAN set boundaries, such as "I'd like to meet you, but I'm not usually up for fooling around until I know a guy a bit."
Anyone who's interested in YOU (and not just getting you into bed) is going to say, "Sure, that's no problem." If they then try to push it (i.e., feel you up), you reiterate, "Hey, remember? I just want to get to know you, so, can we curtail anything else unless we both decide we want to get to know each other?" Anyone who asks, "How long is that gonna take?", You can just say, apparently we're not on the same page (and then shake his hand and leave). That's the kind of guy who's "testing" you to see if he can get you into bed. He's not trustworthy: he just agreed to meet you hoping to talk you into bed. That type of guy doesn't tell the truth (questionable value system) and that's not what you want.
I've had guys say sure (back in the San Francisco) days, and then try to make a move even though I wasn't doing anything other than being nice (and definitely not being sexy or coy). I just told them I wasn't feeling it with them. And then I left. (I could have felt it with them if they'd been a man of their word, but they weren't. And I don't just mean a hand on the arm, or shoulder. I mean, a grab at the crotch or nipples or whatever, and I'd been clear as hell what the boundaries were.)
So, meet 'em, but give 'em notice that nothing's happening the first time, and maybe not even the second time. You'll weed out the serious ones who want to know you from the liars right away. No need to feel guilty, either, if you're being truthful and they aren't. That's their problem.
So, take a chance!
 
mcbrion said:
You don't expect to have "trust" at a first meeting. You CAN set boundaries, such as "I'd like to meet you, but I'm not usually up for fooling around until I know a guy a bit."
Anyone who's interested in YOU (and not just getting you into bed) is going to say, "Sure, that's no problem." If they then try to push it (i.e., feel you up), you reiterate, "Hey, remember? I just want to get to know you, so, can we curtail anything else unless we both decide we want to get to know each other?" Anyone who asks, "How long is that gonna take?", You can just say, apparently we're not on the same page (and then shake his hand and leave). That's the kind of guy who's "testing" you to see if he can get you into bed. He's not trustworthy: he just agreed to meet you hoping to talk you into bed. That type of guy doesn't tell the truth (questionable value system) and that's not what you want.
I've had guys say sure (back in the San Francisco) days, and then try to make a move even though I wasn't doing anything other than being nice (and definitely not being sexy or coy). I just told them I wasn't feeling it with them. And then I left. (I could have felt it with them if they'd been a man of their word, but they weren't. And I don't just mean a hand on the arm, or shoulder. I mean, a grab at the crotch or nipples or whatever, and I'd been clear as hell what the boundaries were.)
So, meet 'em, but give 'em notice that nothing's happening the first time, and maybe not even the second time. You'll weed out the serious ones who want to know you from the liars right away. No need to feel guilty, either, if you're being truthful and they aren't. That's their problem.
So, take a chance!
Click to expand...

That sounds risky though. What if any of those guys you met tried to rape and kill you? Any one of them could've been some psycho killer. I guess that's what I'm truly afraid of. As well as catching an STD.
 
The biggest problem I see as a guy the same age as your friend is the fear of losing a friendship I valued if I tried to make a move. Somehow you need to steer a conversation to talk about the type of person that appeals to you. You should let him know that for some unknown reason you’re more attracted to older guys. You can always say you think it but haven’t really had a chance to try it out. Tell him you know it’s unconventional but until you’ve tried it you won’t know for sure. Believe me, if he hears that and has any interest in you he’ll take that as a sign he can make a move. If he’s not interested you’ll at least know, and all he’ll have heard is that you have unconventional tastes.
 
Yeah, that's the hard part. I'm not sure how I can steer things around to that. Maybe if I try to fix one of his computers again and I find his gay porn again haha. But here is the other thing that scares me. I know he still talks to some of our other coworkers, I'm afraid that he'll tell them about how I'm attracted to older men. Especially if he turns me down.
 
I guess all you can do is say “can I tell you something in confidence....” If you don’t feel you can trust him after asking him that question then perhaps he’s not a guy you really want to get to know better. Are you in a position where you can turn to him as a wise elder and ask if you can ask for his advice on something confidential? Tell him you think you like older guys but you don’t know what to do. Say you’re afraid of what others might think, especially your coworkers. If he’s helpful you can move on to saying you like people like him. That should be enough to get you to a point you can hint you’d be interested in him, and then let him make the move.
 
Kevin8 said:
Hello, newbie here!

Wanted some information regarding seducing a bear/ daddy. The guy I'm looking at is 65 years old, and I'm in my 20's.

He was my old boss a few years ago, but we have stayed connected and often hang out. I know he is gay because I often times help him fix his computer where I find his gay porn. He currently lives with and cares for his dad who may not be around much longer.

His personality is a bit on the feminine side. In this case, should I be the one pursuing? What's the best approach?

Any help much appreciated!
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Just keep in mind he's an old soul and be kind to him. Hope his dad is ok.
I'd recommend just saying to him that you'd like to have fun with him in bed. I don't think that'd phase him at that age.
Cheers, be safe.
 
I worjked for a bank and travelled a lot of time to Europe this one time a very hot ex Marine in his late 50' was in the trip with me I was 24 he was an ex US Marine. I am 5.7 158 and he was 5'11 with great arms ass legs name it. Everyone at work knew I was except some of the bosses he had no clue. When we got to the Hotel althougth we had a reservation the only room we could get was a King size bed. we had asked for two beds. The first night he and I had drinks at the bar and headed back to the room he said mind if I pout on some pay porn I said know he said str8 porn I said I like 50% of what I see on str8 porn and he laughed, He said lets strip to our briefs and watch your 50% and Ill watch the rest. He was rock hard in his briefs and I was too. He quietly said when you last have sex I said before I left home fo the plane. I said you he said a long time my wife has been at her moms house she is very ill and his staying with her. We were on our back but sitting up back against teh head board. I said I know yourr straight but I could get you offhe was up and facing me on his left arm. He said do not want you to do anything that offends you we were nose to nose. He sadi I nevr did this but.. and his lips were on mine and his tomngue kin my mouthHe got on top of me and i got my hands on the waist band of his 35 inch firm smooth hot ass waist band. I need to get off nit sure what you would like me to do. I said get your otnbgue in mouth. Meanwhile I had my briefs down and off. I got some hand cream and lubed my ass. He knelt between my thighs and I through my legs wide and backand he worked his cock in my ass, he said how is that I sadi fuck me like you would get a girl preg. 15 min later he came in a condom. We showered and I rimmed and sucked him off . Next day we heared out and never talked about it again!
 
Kevin8 said:
That sounds risky though. What if any of those guys you met tried to rape and kill you? Any one of them could've been some psycho killer. I guess that's what I'm truly afraid of. As well as catching an STD.
Click to expand...


ummm....you're supposed to meet them in a public place, not a private space. And you don't go anywhere alone with them, especially if you have those kinds of thoughts running through your head. That's the point of meeting them somewhere publicly. I'm not sure why that was not clear earlier with what I said, but let me clarify it now. DON'T MEET THEM ANYWHERE WHERE THERE AREN'T OTHER PEOPLE AROUND.
Is that clearer?

Also, I thought we were talking about this ONE guy, not anyone else. If you're going to rely on "apps" to meet people, you take your chances. I realize that most guys do this, so if that's the only way you can meet guys, well, take your chances. But with COVID going on, you've got more to worry about than under other circumstances.
And if you have a lot of fears, maybe think about addressing them first so you're not so fearful of everyone. I mean, any guy you don't already know is a stranger, so how good is an app when every single guy you talk to is a stranger? Why even look at apps with that kind of fear in your head?
So, have you Made any moves towards the guy you ORIGINALLY asked about or are you still vacillating?
 
If he's hidden away for a while, seduction shouldn't be that difficult. Talk about the situation and all he's responsible for. Be sympathetic. Ask if he thinks about getting into a relationship. Ask what he'd look for in a person he was going to pursue a relationship with. Better to ask and know than that go on guessing.
 
Reminds me vaguely of the first guy I had sex with: he 50's and going through a divorce and me late 30's a virgin and struggling with same sex attraction. We met at a men's group and developed a friendship after I offered to help him demolish a shed and no-one else turned up. Thence had meetings in the car with a pizza, gazing out over the ocean and talking about all kinds of things, progressing to movies at my home and later him staying overnight in the guest bedroom when the movie finished late. There were many times I got up in the night to "get a drink in the kitchen" with a half open bathrobe in the hopes he would see the light and investigate, without success. I was desperately trying to work out how to kindle a sexual interest and all I could come up with was saying he should treat my home like his own and do anything here that he would at his own home. He responded with: "Have already had a wank in your spare bed, thanks". When we next had a car meeting, he was quite nervous and finally blurted out: "would you be disgusted if I suggested we engage in mutual masturbation?".

When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers.

We developed a sexual relationship and I offered for him to move into my house, which he did for 6 weeks. Then things seemed to go South and he wanted to move into his own apartment, then one day he arrived at my house and said he was going out with a woman and could no longer have sex with me.

I was devastated as I naively didn't expect him to go back to female relationships and, being my first jilt, I reacted emotionally going through all those stupid things you do to try to regain the relationship: it wasn't my finest hour. He couldn't seem to understand why I was so upset, as he wasn't ashamed of what we had together, yet he lied about it to his lady friend and our friendship failed with me freezing him out. About 10 years later I saw him alone on a bus and I should have made contact, but I was still angry. It was a few years after that when I wanted to touch base again, only to discover he had died alone in the meanwhile.

I look back on the time lost through hesitancy about broaching sexual interest and then when I was too emotional to think clearly and finally, too stubborn to patch things up until it was too late.

They say fortune favours the brave and I think it is true: you have to risk a little to gain something, but in my case I wasn't forward enough in my own feelings to make my partner more comfortable with expressing his feelings at the outset.

There's always the option of offering a backrub to help ease the tensions of being a carer, if a private venue is available, and when the inevitable erection happens to offer to take care of it, or if in the OP's case to explain why it is happening in this circumstance (ie attraction to older men and in particular, his type of mature man). The start can be as simple as offering respite to a carer as one caring buddy to another: doesn't have to be a full-on relationship from the start, but a FWB.

Anyway, good luck.
 
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mcbrion said:
ummm....you're supposed to meet them in a public place, not a private space. And you don't go anywhere alone with them, especially if you have those kinds of thoughts running through your head. That's the point of meeting them somewhere publicly. I'm not sure why that was not clear earlier with what I said, but let me clarify it now. DON'T MEET THEM ANYWHERE WHERE THERE AREN'T OTHER PEOPLE AROUND.
Is that clearer?

Also, I thought we were talking about this ONE guy, not anyone else. If you're going to rely on "apps" to meet people, you take your chances. I realize that most guys do this, so if that's the only way you can meet guys, well, take your chances. But with COVID going on, you've got more to worry about than under other circumstances.
And if you have a lot of fears, maybe think about addressing them first so you're not so fearful of everyone. I mean, any guy you don't already know is a stranger, so how good is an app when every single guy you talk to is a stranger? Why even look at apps with that kind of fear in your head?
So, have you Made any moves towards the guy you ORIGINALLY asked about or are you still vacillating?
Click to expand...

No, I haven't. I just can't bring myself to do it. But we still talk and see each other pretty regularly. He's been floating around the idea that he wants to take me out on a trip to some place out of state. Maybe that would be a good opportunity?
 
Out of state............if that was me we'd be giving each other hand jobs within 300 feet over the state line........ *|* *|*
 
Kevin8 said:
Still nothing. I can’t make a move. He has been making some sexual jokes towards me though. But idk, maybe it’s best if I don’t pursue it.
Click to expand...

Making sexual jokes or making sexual comment of some sort was what I did to initially gauge the interest of my older guy.

I think maybe you are approaching this as if it is going to be a lifelong romance instead of an opportunity to get to know another man more intimately than usual and have some sex: making it a bigger deal than it is in reality and thus much harder to commit to. That's probably where I went wrong: building it up so high that when it inevitably crashed (because he was not gay and only using it for some mutual relief) I fell hard and painfully.

However, I think most first times are painful because we are not experienced enough to separate some fun from a serious commitment.

Perhaps treat this as just 2 guys giving each other a hand in a bit of fun: it could develop into something more, or it could even end, but I think it is the best opportunity for you to get some initial practice whilst helping another guy out, especially as you know each other better than strangers.

If you can, meet locally at the start: a trip sounds like a nice idea, however if it all goes south for some reason, you could be on your own miles from anywhere. It also puts a lot of pressure on for something special to happen: you don't want pressure or expectation, just some fun. You don't have to experiment with the whole Kama Sutra from day 1: really simple, getting to know you better sex like mutual masturbation or blow jobs takes performance pressure off: leave that to much later as you both explore what is possible. I'm assuming maybe neither of you is particularly experienced.

I wish I could have been brave like my older guy and just be honest about my attraction and asking if he felt the same way and wanted to do anything about it. We should also have set some initial expectations of what it was going to be: just a short term experimentation in his case with no chance of it becoming permanent. In your case maybe a chance to experiment and in his case an opportunity for some respite and welcome relief.

Why would it be best if you don't pursue it?

You have to learn not to let what others may think of you affect what you want to do. There's no shame in diversity: it is what it is.

Good luck and courage.
 
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