How do you tell someone you love them?

[Praxus]

I've been seeing someone for two years now, we started out as a FWB type thing, but I kinda fell hard for him right off the bat. He's shown me signs in the past that he may have feelings as well, but lately he's been distant, and seems like every weekend now has mysterious "plans" that he says nothing about other than that he has "plans". This has been freaking me out bigtime, and I don't feel right as just a "fwb" to ask him about it. He'd tell me if he wanted me to know right?

So anyway, I've been unable to sleep, really concentrate on anything, the past few weeks, because I'm dying to tell him that I do love him, and I want to know if he could reciprocate those feelings, but I'm terrified that if I do, and he doesn't, I'll lose him. I can't really bare being "just friends" with him, so what do I do?

 

[altlover85]

I hope what I write doesn't sound too harsh. I don't mean to hurt your feelings.

I've been seeing someone for two years now,we started out as a FWB type thing, but I kinda fell hard for him right off the bat. He's shown me signs in the past that he may have feelings as well, but lately he's been distant, and seems like every weekend now has mysterious "plans" that he says nothing about other than that he has "plans".

You may have started out as FWB, but unfortunately from what you've told us, it doesn't sound like you've really moved beyond FWB.

This has been freaking me out bigtime, and I don't feel right as just a "fwb" to ask him about it. He'd tell me if he wanted me to know right?

I would think so.

So anyway, I've been unable to sleep, really concentrate on anything, the past few weeks, because I'm dying to tell him that I do love him, and I want to know if he could reciprocate those feelings, but I'm terrified that if I do, and he doesn't, I'll lose him. I can't really bare being "just friends" with him, so what do I do?

I wouldn't tell him you love him. At most, I'd say that you like him a lot and that your feelings have become stronger for him and then see what he says from there. I think if the feelings are mutual, it's likely that he'll confess his feelings for you, once you have for him. If the feelings aren't mutual, you really don't know what will happen.

 

[looseliam]

Well, if you just plain stop sleeping with him, is there a friendship that will continue?

Anyway, you've nothing to lose. If there's one thing my gran said that has stuck with me it's that one should never let pass an opportunity to tell someone you love him (or her).

You can always find another cum dumpster. So, take the risk and tell him. At least, that's what I would do.

 

[Rolyo85]

Ok, not to be all gloom and doom here, but if he reciprocated your feelings, he'd want to spend just as much time with you as you with him; he'd tell you the things you want to tell him. My guess is that he's sensing your intensity and it has scared him off because he isn't sharing it. Either way, even if he DOES have some feelings for you, obviously there is a problem somewhere, or he would not be avoiding you with his "plans".

So no, you can NOT use the word "love". It is a scary word and you have a very classical situation going on, where it will make him run for his life, probably literally. So just say that you are more invested in this than just being FWB, and that you'd like to try dating for real, and see where it goes. You do it calmly, and not like a distraught love-struck teen, and he might just say yes. But if he doesn't, you have your answer, and it will be time to let go.

 

[Praxus]

Well I think there def would be a friendship if there wasn't any sex involved. We talk on the phone just about every other night for at least an hour, sometimes two, we go out to dinner, movies, I've met several of his friends, he's talked about me to his family. When we are together we talk for hours, other times just cuddle all night. He's brought me soup when I was sick, bought me really nice birthday and christmas gifts, and I've done the same. We've never even had a fight. It's exactly like we're dating without any mention that we're a couple. He's been pretty much perfect for me, and I know there's feelings there on both sides, just no idea why I'm so afraid of broaching the subject, or why he hasn't either. I had the opportunity tonight to say what was wrong when he noticed I wasn't myself, but chickened out and said nothing.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to the forum.

You've clarified your question a lot by explaining the affection you feel for one another. I think the reason your feeling afraid is that you're at a crossroad without yet admitting it to yourself. I'm sensing you don't want to stay in this position forever, but, at the same time, you don't want to lose the warmth, affection and the sex. Complicating this is the fear that his "plans" might include his dating someone else. How about something like, "I've been thinking what it would be like actually 'dating' you. Have you ever thought about us dating?" Make the words your own.

Whatever happens, remember that crossroad. You want something more and if it's not going to be with him you'll need to more on. Best wishes to you.

 

[GreatZeus]

Hey, this strikes me as simple: Give him a call and say "Hello my friend. Let's get together this weekend. You mean a lot to me". If he cares for you, then he will be happy to be there. If does NOT care he will yet have something else to do. And in the second case, YOU know that YOU need to move on ! ! ! !

 

[Praxus]

Ugh...just want to vent a little. My FWB has been extremely busy with work the past week, practically incommunicado, and the week before that he had a small health issue and was out of commission, so there still hasn't been the right time, at all, to have the conversation I've been dying to have. That's frustrating enough, but we finally got to hang for a few minutes this morning, which went very well, and he said we'd connect tonight. Well couldn't get him on the phone tonight, so went for a ride, and of course it's 2am and he's not home. Now neither of us is a bar/club person, so he's not out doing that. It's the thoughts of everything else he could be doing that's making me feel like a panic attack is just around the bend. Ugh.....hate having feelings, for anyone. Never ends well in my experience!!!