How does dating work anyway?

[DarkHelios]

This is somewhat inspired by this thread: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=345985

I'm something of a late bloomer. I've only just started dating guys in the past year and never even really dated girls before that and I still haven't figured out how it works.

I've met guys on dating sites and gone for coffee and generally had positive experiences, but I don't really understand how you go from two guys who get along well to boyfriends. How do you express that you are in fact interested in them in a more than platonic way?

For those of you who've had boyfriends, examples of how it went with you would be appreciated.

 

[HunterM]

You need more than just going for coffee if you want to start an exclusive relationship. Are there common activities that you both participate together routinely? Have you both spent an entire weekend just hanging out? If so, did you both enjoy it?

Plan a trip for you and your date to get out of the city and share a hotel room together. This way, you are forced to spend time 24/7 for a few days to see if you guys get along. You make the hotel reservation yourself with one bed. If you both had a great time during this vacation. Then you should let him know you would like to date him exclusively.

 

[DarkHelios]

I don't actually mean to go from coffee to full-blown relationship.

To put it this way, two people meet and if they get along they continue to get together and do stuff they enjoy together. Sometimes this transitions into a "romantic relationship". How does this happen?

 

[HunterM]

It starts with showing affections. Start with greeting each other a hug (hello and goodbye) to get used to physical contacts. Progress it by lingering the hug a bit longer than usual. Then you move on with holding hands, kissing, and full on sex! ...You could do all of that in one evening if you two are horny enough.

 

[Seasoned]

Here's the thing: a lot of guys aren't on dating sites to "date," but, rather, to hook up. Some guys might be more obvious than others, but it could be that if you're not willing to have instant sex they might see you as a friend and move on for more instant sex.

Two alternatives might be to make clear just what you are seeking or to meet gay men other ways by joining clubs or associations that are or largely are gay.

 

[maxpowr9]

I've said this before many times here, I am horrible at reading signals from guys. I can pick up social queues very well but flirting escapes me.

However, if I have an interest in a guy, I will at least give him a hug or perhaps a peck on the cheek (I am a bit of a prude I know) as the date ends. I usually send him a text (calling can be quite annoying) at the next respectable time (i.e. if it is a weekend date, on Monday) as a sign I am interested and want to go out again. No response within 24 hours of that text usually means he is not interested and I move on. The important thing is not to get discouraged at all if you like someone and they don't like you or vice versa.

 

[KaraBulut]

When you go into "dating', you have to realize that not everyone that you go out with is going to be a "romantic relationship". Sometimes it is just a friend whose company you enjoy or that you have great no-strings sex with.

Usually with these things, it just happens. You start talking and you discover that you have a lot in common. You spend more time together. Instead of "making dates" with each other, you just start talking about what you're going to be doing the next time you go out- like it's assumed that you will be going out again.

There does come a point where you have a "state of the relationship" talk. That is usually the point where it goes from being casual dating to being a relationship. That talk usually involves decisions about whether you are dating exclusively and what the next steps are.

This is really no different that what opposite sex couples do. The only limitation is that in many areas, two guys dating tends to be a little more on the down low.

 

[DarkHelios]

Thanks for the responses. You'd think they'd cover this sort of thing in school.

I feel somewhat reassured. What most of you have described sounds suspiciously similar to how things went with a guy I had a crush on (he turned out to be straight, but we're still close friends). Just keep doing stuff with each other and see if anything comes out of it.

It would be nice if there was some kind of buzzer or something that would inidicate "Now is an appropriate time to kiss him" though...

 

[KaraBulut]

It would be nice if there was some kind of buzzer or something that would inidicate "Now is an appropriate time to kiss him" though...

When the time comes, you'll know.

 

[The_Reaper]

Well, I did much the same as you, I suppose...

The b/f and I met online, arranged to meet each other for coffee...And then had a conversation in the coffee shop that lasted for about 4 - 5 hours. So, obviously the first step is knowing whether there is a connection there.

After that, we made a dinner date when I dropped him off home and then we met up a few times to watch TV with each other and movies and the like. I think the important thing, if you're looking for a relationship, is not to move towards the bedroom quickly.

I think if you rush into that, it sends the message that you're only looking for gratification over a relationship...Other than that, I have no other sage like advice to give other than to take it slowly with someone you like and see where it goes from there.

 

[DarkHelios]

When the time comes, you'll know.

I don't think you appreciate just how clueless I really am

 

[number42]

I don't think you appreciate just how clueless I really am

I have exactly the same problem.
My dates so far were DISASTERS, and i have NO fucking idea what i should do!

and as here, people tell me 'it will feel right' or crap like that.

 

[makeurowndstny]

Here is how I like to get this going...

1) You chat for a few times whether by text or IM.
2) You meet somewhere like a coffee place or something similar and talk. You can repeat this.
3) You go on an official first date whether its to the movies or something you both consider a date. This needs to be determined as a date. Repeat this about 5-10 times or more as needed.
4) You romantically ask to go out officially and become boyfriends. I like to use flowers or something cute like that.

The key is to let it flow. Don't let it be immediate. Take all the time you need and COMMUNICATE!

 

[rjmrjm21]

This is somewhat inspired by this thread: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=345985

I'm something of a late bloomer. I've only just started dating guys in the past year and never even really dated girls before that and I still haven't figured out how it works.

I've met guys on dating sites and gone for coffee and generally had positive experiences, but I don't really understand how you go from two guys who get along well to boyfriends. How do you express that you are in fact interested in them in a more than platonic way?

For those of you who've had boyfriends, examples of how it went with you would be appreciated.

I don't know if I can relate to you because every single gay guy that I've ever met and dated, has wanted to kiss me and have sex. I do not oblige often. So what makes one a boyfriend? Boyfriend material is someone that I think about often. Someone that makes my heart beat faster. Someone that brightens my day and brings good feelings whenever he's around. Someone that makes my dick hard. Someone that I want to be with more than anything.

You might need to gain some dating experience.