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how early would you consider moving in with a guy?

This really really really depends on the guy. You are still dating two guys, the guy you see, and the one he really is and let's face iot, 10 months isn't exactly the long haul.

I wouldn't move in with someone that soon. No matter the guy. If something did posses me to do so, I'd keep a backdoor just in case. Nothing wrong with that - because you sound a lot like me and the peace of mind of having a fall back position will stop you from sabotaging things when you start to feel trapped.
 
thanks for the advice! ..|

we talked about it over the weekend and we decided on sometime after April for probably moving into my place (as much as I love his apartment and hate to give it up, it just doesn't make financial sense for us to pay $1600/month for an apartment when I'm paying half that for a slightly smaller apartment that's only an extra 10 minutes on his commute if we're thinking about saving up for a house at some point). that puts us a bit over the 1-year mark for moving in.

moving into my place takes a bit of the pressure off of me (since it'll be my name on the lease, my furniture in the apartment, etc), but I'm gonna have to make some mental adjustment to sharing space. took the first step this weekend by letting him toss a throw-blanket over my couch :p
 
Awesome! I'm glad you guys reached a good decision together! Letting the decision settle in for the next couple of months can be a good thing as I'm sure there will be questions both of you may have. You'll have time to talk them out and figure out the answers before it actually comes time to move in together.

Continue letting him make a few changes here and there, such as tossing more throw blankets over your couch! It will help him feel a sense of control over what will be his new home. The biggest challenge with me when moving in with a boyfriend was finding out where I fit in. I was kind of rushed into that situation a few years back. I think if I had more time to feel things out and make it my own, it would have been a much better experience.

Congratulations!
 
Holy crap! Location location location! You're each paying (about) $1,600 /month for small apartments? That's almost 4x our house payment.
 
borg69unimatrix said:
Holy crap! Location location location! You're each paying (about) $1,600 /month for small apartments? That's almost 4x our house payment.
Click to expand...

he's paying $1600 for an extremely large 2-bedroom apartment that's right off the main street in a pretty well-to-do commuter town... I'm paying $800 for a small/mid-sized 2-bedroom apartment in a working class neighborhood about 15 miles to the north of him. ((edit: he's paying $800 out of pocket, but he has a roommate currently while I live alone))

the big upside to his neighborhood is that it's got a great community with tons of great restaurants/bars/stores in walking distance; whereas in my neighborhood, it's strictly row houses, no parking, and no restaurants/stores to speak of other than the corner bodega and take-out joints. (there are bars, but not exactly places I'd feel comfortable patronizing... they're all dive-y sports/soccer bars catering to the very large hispanic community in my neighborhood). but the price difference is so big that it's hard justifying moving to his place if we want to save money instead of treading water.

I figure as long as we're renting, we want to aim for a rent that's going to let us put at least $200/month each into savings to build up money for a down payment down the road... 400/month, $4,800/year, so we should have enough for a 10% downpayment on a $200,000 house in 5 years or so.
 
Wow. $200 000 buys a converted 1960s walk-up apartment here. On the other hand, rent is relatively cheap.
 
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