How Happy Are You?

[Zuirech]

How happy are you guys?

I pretend to be OK.

People see me as being a happy guy. I pretend to be shallow. I laugh, I joke. I have the best one liners. People love me. I have family. But......

I am tortured. I am seriously unhappy; I am alone. Pathetic, eh?
I believe that I am unattractive because I'm getting old.

On JUB, maybe, you're not allowed to say that life is shit. Well, I just did. When you reach your 40s it can be.

So I have gratuitous sex. It's fantastic.

But in the end I am still alone.

I have some money - but it doesn't make me happy. I guess I'd need tens of millions then to make me truly happy. Guess not.

Why did I write this? Fuck knows?

Maybe, I just want to hear that I'm not alone. That life is worth living. Right now, I'm not even sure about that.

 

[JayHew]

Life is what you make it, but for sure if you concentrate on only you, then it is never really satisfying. When I hit my 40's life really began and has been really good over all since. I remain engaged in it doing things for community and others, meeting challenges, etc. Now in my late 50's I am again meeting challenges in knowing myself better and having the time to express myself more. One thing I am learning is to say "I love you" more often and mean it and forget the petty things that want to interrupt you life all the time. Is life worth the living, you betcha and I look forward to every day.

You could do the same if you would change your attitude about life being a shit sandwich without the bread.

 

[M4P]

Dude, happiness is difficult to define and is different for all of us. Yeah, I think I'm relatively happy - partner, home, good job, my health, family, vacations... But, other than my partner, that is all material shit. It starts with you liking what you see in the mirror. So, have a look and if you see something you don't like take steps to change it. This is how you're going to start finding happiness and meaning in your life.

 

[in2men2]

I would have to say the same, not really happy.

The guy that I love lives in the States (I live in Australia, have comittments here that I cannot leave)

Have gratuitous sex (feels great at the time, but doesn't make me happy)

Have a house, car, job and money, but it doesn't make me happy.

Sometimes think I wasn't meant to happy.

Then I try to get over it and get on with life (because if i didn't I wouldn't be here now)

 

[Green_Man_007]

I am hungry, not for lack of food, but a recent lack of interest in it.

The fridge is packed with fresh groceries, meals I've pre-made, and leftovers, none of which have appealed to my appetite lately.

I love cooking, though eating has become a dull chore.

Perhaps I'm bored, and seek exciting new flavors and textures.

My Body Mass Index has dropped to underweight.

If anyone found out, they'd think I'm anorexic, though real anorexics don't fear that they're shrinking.

Then I feel guilty about whining over it, because so many people have worse problems related to their obesity.

The last time I had gotten severely underweight, I put myself on a stringent eating schedule, to train my digestive system so it would graciously accept square meals at 8 a.m., 12:30 p.m., and 6:30

Anyone wanting to disturb me during those times was met with, "Not now. I'm having breakfast (or lunch or supper)."

After a while, I could devour a 12-inch cheesesteak sandwich or the equivalent of 4 baked potatoes in one sitting.

Eventually, I let distractions come back in, and with meals altogether skipped here and there, my focus has strayed from a mission to keep my stomach expanded.

Today for lunch I had a serving of peas, and a couple bites of bread. That was all I had the mood to eat all day.

My mother dropped by to visit, and caught me crying. Then I confessed thinking I was becoming anorexic. She suggested I cook another batch of doughnuts, and call my father to take me out to supper.

A doughnut sugar rush isn't a healthy solution, though, and I was in no mood to force a happy face while dealing with my father.

Besides, if chicken taquitos or moogoo har could make me want to finish a plate, I could make my own better than any local restaurant, and eat alone.

It's time for a boyfriend to share meals with.

 

[teh_nathan]

I'm unhappy because I'm alone and don't have a boyfriend (or girlfriend? fine with me but I'd rather a boyfriend) or enough friends to stay busy ("so do something about it." "not that easy").

Gratuitious sex? No..I know how empty that is so I don't do it (that and most guys are very picky..mainly the former though - trust me, if I were propositioned, that wouldn't change my mind).

I'm only happy because (after a year of being lazy) I'm actively doing something about my weight (if all goes according to plan) and I've lost more weight over the past year than I thought.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Hey Z,

This really sounds like a perfect 'male mid-life crisis syndrome' description.

Your life is kinda drifting away from you.

You did all the right things, and all the things you were supposed to do. You even have some results to be rightfully proud of and yet, you are turning into a slightly embittered, depressed and disoriented man, you have never been and hoped, you would never be.

As previously mentioned, you need to define your own sense of happiness. The old model of 'what happiness meant' from your 20's and early 30's will not do anymore. You have changed and so should your own definition of personal happiness.

Only you know yourself. And only you can really tell, what makes you happy. If you do not know, you need to go on a journey of self-exploration. You need to try new things and see, how you feel about them. Be prepared to make a few mistakes and learn from them.

My old folks used to be very 'social people'. I cannot remember the times we lunched or dined together without having at least half a dozen guests dining with us. Obviously, I hated that being a kid. Later on, I started playing with the idea that it would actually be a very nice idea to host a dinner or two for a few friends. Nope, it was a total waste, I hated every bit of it. I was simply not meant to be a gracious host. Whatever. But I did like the learning part.

I have always been a generous person by nature. I must have picked the right parents and gotten lucky later on, so that I was always able to finace that generous attitude of mine. People around me started taking me for granted and started believing that I was some sort of a good-natured fool. I quickly changed. I always paid my drinks and pointedly invited the others to do the same. They were pretty shocked; they did not like it. But I did. I got rid of the guys, who were mostly in for a cheap ride. It did me quite some good.

I have learned how to work for my money. I have also learned, how to put that money to work for my happiness. Both my BF and I budget generously for our vacations. We are on the go, purely for fun, for some 75-90 days every year. We work hard and we play hard, if you are catching my drift.

Your life needs ever changing contents. And people around you to share those contents with. My BF and I are a bit of 'museum queens', so that part works just great for us. We also are into nature tracks and though, we do not overdo it, you'll see us climbing up and down the hills and the gardens, parks, wherever there is something, we can comfortably do in one day. At times, we are just lazy and spend a day or two reading our books, making all kinds of silly notes and yeah, planning other trips.

I'd love to get a non-commercial flying license for a small plane and will probably manage to do that next year. My BF says, I am completely mad and should not be allowed to do anything of the kind. So, he'll be reading his books and I'll be hopefully flying my small plane around. You do not need to share everything with someone you love. Sometimes you do your own thing and he does his own, too.

No one has got a ready made prescription for your personal happiness. You have got to come up with your own ideas and concepts. Everything other people can do for you is to share their experience and offer a few pointers.

Good Luck.

SC

 

[Jarren]

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.
-- Charles Kingsley (1819 - 1875)

You just gotta realize that 'something'.

 

[TheTrish]

Hi! OMG, I try so hard, but I often go thro periods of depression. I’m 24 and feel I should be doing something important with my life. My cousin who is 16 spent a week this summer in Mississippi repairing hurricane Katrina damage. All I do is sex, morning, noon and night, I’m either getting off or planning to get off! LOL

T

 

[qaz]

Good question my friend.

I am deeply miserable. I am here soley to hold my family together and make my mums life worth living. I am the middle kid of 3 and keep everyone talking. I tried to kill myself 8 years ago but stayed on this earth,... just. I've been really unwell ever since and i know i don't have alot longer left. I'm 28 and have only ever had one sexual partner and to be honest he (over 8 years) killed me inside. I am so alone and dead inside. That sounds really deep and horrid i know but it's fine i'm ok. I seriously just don't think i'm ment to be here.
Put simply i'm pretty sad.

 

[lonely]

Hi Just going over pages and reading this thread Lonely/Sad.
Well Im lonely and sometimes sad after 20 yes alone at hom. yes I work, buI find to have friends I had to buy them. My bank manager wasnt happy to see my balc
in my account. Anyway I was told to buy a computer that Id meet friends.
Well I tried many chat rooms but was tod I was to slow typin replys that noone wanted to bother with me. I can not cook so live on micro-food or fish/chips.
and viewing free vid clips from the net or this group. as for d/load this does not
work for me. and I even drink LONELY WINE at the weekend and look at
Sad movies or play CDs, HOME ALONE,

 

[nvrno]

I can really relate to this thread, I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life. This year has been the most trying I've ever had, and I can't help but feel it all started when I tried to come out. I have lost touch with the person I used think I was and feel as though I go day to day just going through the motions. I have lost friends and family this year to illnesses etc. and it really has nothing to do with my coming out. Only a handful of people know. I know this to be fact because they were completely shocked when I came out to them. I wonder what happened in my life to cause me to feel dead inside and without hope, I really don't know how much more I can go on like this...........

 

[teh_nathan]

I know I may have answered before but since I've been motivated to give a better, more detailed answer:

I'm not happy with life - it just seems like one bad thing after another is the only thing I've known.

Am I happy with myself? Well, I'm not perfect..there are things I could change..both inwardly and outwardly. I'm lonely, I'm sad, I'm insecure, I don't like being around a lot of people... No, I'm not really happy...but as long as I have friends who support me, I'll get there eventually.

 

[gordigor]

I believe life moves as hills on a rollercoaster. If your down at the bottom, you WILL go up... so when you up you must take care and remember you WILL go down. It gives me hope. I recognize the ups and recognize the downs.

Life is ALWAYS worth living. Please talk to a doctor or therapist.

There is a reason you are here. You may not know why right now, but when the reason is revealed it will make you glad you are here. This I believe.

 

[voyager1994]

I think it's alright to feel sad, lonely, unhappy, depressed. I probably am most of the time, but I try not to fight it or dismiss it or deny it. I got used to it so much that I've learned to live with it. The truth is, I could not imagine living a life that is always "paradise" if you know what I mean. I'm not used to it. True it would be nice to win the lotto, but my desire to acquire wealth is driven by my desire to help my bros and sis, give some to charity, and to have something to rely on during my old age as a single gay guy. I grew up from a lower middle class family, and until now even in my 40s I still don't have a secured job, no career, no lovelife, no house, and not even an active social life. Many times I have asked God if I deserved this life, but overall I still thank Him for His blessings - good health, close relationship with my family, education, opportunities here and there, being able to walk and enjoy nature (I'm a nature lover), old friendships, etc. What keeps me going? My hopes and my dreams.

 

[pisces69]

I somewhat happy. I too am lonely but probably by choice. I don't really have much time lately to look for love, so patiently waits (and hopes) that it will come soon.

 

[Zuirech]

Thanks guys for being so honest. I thought it was just me. I also thought that I'd gone too far; I'd crossed the line in a gay site by asking this question; that I was indulging my own neurosis.

So it took me four days to log into JUB just to see if anyone had answered. I expected to be given a hard time for being so self-indulgent. I was scared. Fuck - why should I be scared of what people on a web-site might write?

It doesn't make me feel any better that some of you are having a really bad time. But at least I know that we're not alone - however little that may help. I guess I can't offer more insight than that. Some of you are far better placed to do that and your advice was commendable.

Meanwhile, I'll probably pop another St John's Wort, plan to get some winter sun on my back and hope that it works. But, in the end.....

 

[ELAINE]

No, you're not alone. When I hit my 40's I started to feel like I was running out of time and may not get to pursue any future dreams. I honestly believe this is whats called a mid-life crises. And women can go through it too, because I am. But....we have to get out of this slump, we have to make a choice to either keep living and make our lives happier or to just give up and I don't think I'm ready to give up, because there is still a flicker of hope left. The biggest reason that I can't give up though, is my son. I need to be here for him. Actually, having my son did save my life. Before having him, I was very depressed and almost gave up. He became my life. Now as we're both getting older (he's 11 and I'm 42) I've been feeling that I need friends. And one day he's not going to need me to be there for him and I don't know where I'll be then. OK, you know what? I'll just stop here, I'm not in a good enough place yet to be answering this. I'll just say that I think we could all use some real good friends to talk to and to help us get through all this together. Sorry I couldn't be more positive and uplifting. But I wish you the best.

 

[Eternaldarkness]

I want to be nice and say nicer things but I'm just going to be honest. Hey, I may be young but I understand something quite meaningful:

The definition of happiness has little to do with events, time, space, and the people you're with. Happiness is what you truly want to feel inside.

If you're going to live a life telling yourself that "hey, I'm suffering" for the rest of your life, then, hey, you will be suffering. If you're going to live a life with so much expectations and requirements for achieving happiness, its going to be really hard to be satisfy. As human beings, we will never be satisfy with what we are having. We're always expecting to have more, not realizing that what we have now is more than enough.

Imagine that if you have fewer and lower expectations for achieving happiness.... you will feel happiness sooner.

My elders use to say, the more you ask for more..the longer it takes you to get it.

 

[drinksinme]

I'm mainly bummed. I Think I'd be happy if I can find a guy like me that;s curious like me and what ever. I dunno. Other than that I'm happy I get hiyt on by girls all the time. I dunno maybe I'm not happy, I need some one to talk to I think or get stroked/ sucked off by..