how i got f###### by my best friend

[westly34]

well i really don't know what to say but here it goes, my best friend who found out one night on my computer that i was into gay porn, while i was in the shower , one small probelm i'am married and have two kids. I felt like shit when i came out of the bath room and he had stuff on the computer that i was look at before he came over.

I always had a thing for him and he told me it was ok to look at the pictures, long store but he told me he was into doing stuff with me.

For four years my sex life has never been better with him, my wife knows and there has been many fights, friends of mine gave me a dead line to deciede to leave her i told my best friend who has been asking me to move in with him that i am going to leave come 2007 i have had it and i know i love him more than anything.

well he has now gone out and got a girl friend and told me he wants to get married ,every thing that we have done and were planning is f#######@ gone. boy did i get f##### by him.what the hell do you do now? i did every thing for him and i think he does not want any one to know about us whne the shit hits the fan in january.

 

[M4P]

Aren't you still married??? I don't think you have a right to be upset with him unless you were planning to leave your wife and kids for him. It sounds to me like he wants the security of a home like you have.

I'm sorry to come on strong but this is not a good situation and you have no grounds to be angry with him.

 

[looseliam]

Hun, I'm sorry to hear this.

I don't think this would have turned out too well even if you two did move in together. But that's just me.

He's made his decision. Although you'd neither like nor agree with his decision, you must respect it.

So now you're in damage control mode. How to you save yourself? Only you know how to do it.

Take some time and just worry about you. Things will get better.

 

[gayteentn]

well if his wife knows and willingy went on with there marragie that was her choice. So once you think about it she had a choice

 

[westly34]

hey guys thanks for the posts, but my wife knows about us and i own a second house with him . my wife and i have talked and she told me a few months ago thaty he would dump me as soon as i decieded to leave. she was right. i don't know if i can make things work out any more with my wife.

 

[Riverrick]

So let me see if I've got this straight. You started having sex with this guy 4 years ago. You bought a second house and share it with him. But you also still live with your wife, who knows all about this guy and your relationship with him.

In January you were planning on, what? Moving out of your wife's house and then only living with him? And divorcing your wife?

But now he has found a girlfriend (even though he still shares a house with you). And you think he is doing this so no one finds out about you guys.

But you share a house together! Doesn't everyone already know? Don't they think it is odd that the two of you live together while you are married to your wife?

I'm really confused. I think you should have ended the relationship with your wife years ago if you guys were going to have sex regularly . I really don't understand this juggling game you've been playing.

 

[westly34]

i told you it was a long story, the second house is a vaction home we both went in on, the other thing is he live with me and my wife ,he has his own room. all it was four years ago was a friendship that went to far , and i fell in love with him he felt the same way until itold him i was leaveing my wife in jan,2007

 

[mattyboi_aus]

If your wife told you that he would dump you, now you have to go and speak to her, just simply sit down and say something along the lines of

"You were right, I'm an idiot" and then talk it through.

(Not that I'm calling you and idiot, I feel really sorry for what happened to you. I just now hope you can salvage your relationship with your wife.)

 

[Christopher123]

The question I'm thinking of here, westly, is do you want to remain with your wife?

 

[luminum]

If you were planning on leaving, leave. There's nor eason for you two to be married anymore.

Go out, find a boyfriend who isn't going to marry some chick and be a happy gay man. What other choice do you have? Your marriage is a sham and basically over and you alreayd planned on leaving. So pack your bags and start a new life.

 

[KennyD]

K A R M A ... so whatever thou put out into the eathers in action or thought .. so shalt thou receive back ten fold ....

The above is what I used to preach when I was in the pulpit many years ago .... I still believe in it ... Maybe you should too ...

 

[luminum]

All I can say is that I wish this wasn't a no flame zone.

Yet it is. So guys, just remember that this guy has approached the board with a problem and though someof you may not approve of his previous actions, he's looking for advice now. So give him advice that you have and check the disapproval at the door.

 

[NickCole]

I understand you being focused on him and your love for him but the whole situation is tangled into a big mess that you've got to fix. Although you want him front and center right now, what you have to do is back-burner him.

Before you even consider what you want with him, first come to a separate decision about whether or not you want to remain with your wife. Your wife and your relationship with her deserve full consideration in and of itself. If you stay with her it should be because you want to be with her, and if so it should be a mutually satisfying arrangement. Dealing with your relationship to and responsibility for your children will be a part of that.

I doubt you and this guy have much of a chance. At least not now. There's been too much betrayal. I don't know how either of you can trust a thing the other says.

I feel bad for you. I've made mistakes in my personal life along the way (though none quite so dramatic as you describe!), as has everyone, and I think the finger wagging in this thread is a little silly and nonproductive.

Secrets are insidious things, and feeling desire for men while we present ourselves as straight and married with children is destructive to the thought process. One bad decision that doesn't seem earth-shattering can lead to another and suddenly you find yourself in a situation that's hurting everyone you care about. You're at the nexus of this particular mess and it's up to you to start making decisions that set all of your lives in a happier and healthier direction. It's going to be more painful before it gets better; but it will get better if you start making better decisions.

Good luck.

 

[caddymac]

Figure out what you are going to do about your family first.

 

[Christopher123]

All I can say is that I wish this wasn't a no flame zone.

Thoughts and opinions can be communicated without getting nasty. In fact, I think giving a direct-and-to-the-point response, yet keeping it mature, gets the message across much better than thrashing somebody about.

This guy's problem may seem silly and trivial to others, but it's obviously not silly and trivial to him.

 

[Eagle653]

Yet it is [ a no flame zone]. So guys, just remember that this guy has approached the board with a problem and though someof you may not approve of his previous actions, he's looking for advice now. So give him advice that you have and check the disapproval at the door.

Guys, I'd like you to heed what luminum so eloquently said.

This is a No Flame Zone. I have deleted over a half dozen posts that were either confused, pointless (off-topic), or flaming.

You may have your lives figured out well, and if so, I congratulate you. Sometimes reality is not that easy, nor pretty. Sometimes, it gets downright confusing. But, if you're going to start quoting scripture in here, let me remind you about the one throwing stones who's living in a glass house, OK? Please...everyone leave their self-righteous judgementalism at the door. It's not helpful here.

Back to topic...

Westly, I was where you are now. The outcomes were different but the situation was the same. You aren't alone in this, nor in what happened in falling for a guy and starting an affair, and making plans to begin a new life. In fact, it happens more than you realize.

Now that your plans have fallen through, you need to make some decisions. Unfortunately, you need to make them quickly and while your heart is breaking. But, nevertheless, you can either proceed and leave and search for a man, if that is where your heart is. Or, you can work it out with your wife and try to stay together, if that is where you heart is. If the latter, it's going to take a lot of work because your wife is likely to not have much trust in you, nor faith in a long-term relationship (e.g., will he be looking for a guy, and will he eventually leave me for a guy?). This is going to be tough, but it's not impossible. It really depends on how you might work it out. Sometimes a marriage counselor can help facilitate these difficult conversations.

Good luck. I'm sorry this happened. I wish you well and hope you report back and let us know how you're doing.

 

[newkidondagayblock]

Hey sorry if I offend some1, but this seems like a movie story.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

I'm sorry you're so hurt.
But I really feel sorrier for your wife. If I read your posts right, you and he were having a sexual affair with him while he lived in the same house as your wife?
Most people I know would have either never tolerated that or would have been driven crazy.
If he was a unique relationship (and you won't want other men) and you still love your wife, try to patch things up.
If, however, you intend to see other men then move out and give the poor woman a break and give yourself an honest start.

 

[Just_Believe18]

I'm sorry if my previous post was too direct that it had to be removed.

Let me elaborate on my previous comment so it doesn't seem like a flame.

I haven't heard a thing about the kids. These are children! All we've heard from Westly is his love triangle between his wife and friend.

Have your children seen you fight with your wife about your lover? What are they doing now? Are they even a priority in your life?

Before you ask us for input about your love affair and leaving/keeping your wife, could you elaborate on how you plan to love and take care of your children after breaking up your family?

 

[backpacker]

Sorry to anyone that my first post offended. I thought about this and think I can give some positive advice.

For four years you have brought havoc into the life of your wife, children and best friend. My advice would be to set your feelings aside and think about what is best for each of them. Listen carefully to what they want. That's you best chance to save these relationships. They may or may not be romantic relationships with your wife or best friend, but hopefully you can at least keep their friendship.