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It was a cold night, and I was glad I got my car’s heater fixed last week. I was late for a party at the lake for the wrestling team. We were throwing the party mainly for Adam, who had just won his second state championship, but it was more for all of us seniors. Almost half the team was graduating, and we were all going to celebrate and mourn the end of our high school wrestling careers. I was lucky that this was the year I finally made varsity, my senior year, and I even won districts in my weight class, 140.
I pulled into the driveway of Sarah’s house; her parents were out of town on some vacation. They were super rich and would go away almost every other weekend, so she would often have parties. Adam was her boyfriend, so we asked her to throw the party for him. I parked and walked through the doors, listening to the booming music all the way from my car. Once inside I found the bar and started drinking. It was a great party, everyone was happy and having a good time. Then I ran into John, one of the graduating seniors. He was sitting in a corner with a whole bottle of tequila pouring shots for himself.
“What’s up man, you don’t look very happy?” I asked.
“Becca just broke up with me,” he replied. I was shocked; they seemed like a perfect couple. I asked him what happened and he told me she wanted her space or some bullshit like that. We had never been close friends, we had the same friends so we often hung out, and we were on the team together, but we’d never hung out without everyone else. Everyone else was busy having fun and no one seemed to notice he was sad. I took the bottle away from him because obviously he had had enough. Then some of the other guys came over and I told them what had happened. They didn’t want him to kill their buzz, so they sent him upstairs, and sent some random girl up there to cheer him up, if you know what I mean.
I resumed socializing and soon forgot all about John. Then a while later I saw him come down the stairs and grab his coat. I followed him, hoping he wasn’t about to drive. He had just climbed into his car and was about to start it up, but I opened the door and told him to stop. I took him back inside and took him back upstairs into the room he was in before. The girl from earlier was passed out in the bed, fully dressed, so I guess nothing happened. I found an empty room and hauled him onto the bed. Luckily he was a weight class below me, so I was strong enough to move him with ease. When I thought he was pretty much asleep I left to take a piss. I got distracted by talking to several people before I returned to check on him about an hour later. When I came back he was sitting up rubbing his head. “What happened?” He asked.
“You tried to drive, so I brought you back up here to lie down,” I told him.
“Oh,” he replied, “thanks man.”
“No problem, so what happened with that girl earlier,” I asked.
“I don’t know, she was super drunk so I didn’t wanna do anything.”
Our conversation continued for awhile, and I could tell the whole time that he was becoming more alert. I checked my phone for the time and saw how late it was, and I didn’t want to try to drive home so I told John I’d stay there tonight.
“Sure,” he said, and then motioned to the empty space in the bed beside him. I slipped off my shoes and jumped into the bed. We talked for a while. I was surprised that I had known him for so long yet never really knew him. Eventually we both fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, surprised that John was awake before me. He was still lying down just staring up at the ceiling. I sat up and so did he. We started talking then the most awkward thing happened, we caught each other’s eye, and we both leaned in and kissed. Almost instantly we snapped out of it and pulled away, our lips had barely touched. We sat there for a second then I pulled my shoes on, grabbed my wallet and phone from the nightstand and ran out. John followed me pulling his shoes on as he half walked, half hopped down the hall. I kept apologizing but stopped when we got downstairs where other people were. I told everyone else goodbye and jumped into my car.
As I drove away my mind was racing with what had just happened. I had kept apologizing, but he had leaned in too, right? We had both leaned in; it was neither of our faults. It shocked me to think that either of us might be gay. We wrestled, changed, and showered with each other and all the other guys, and we never had a problem. Surely I would have known if I were gay, and if he was then other people would have noticed him taking peeks or sporting an unintentional boner now and then? But nothing, it never even crossed my mind, so I couldn’t be gay, yet we both leaned in. I thought about him with his boyish good looks, mid-length slightly curly brown hair, and his smile. He was very thin like me; we had always been light weights. I was taller than him, so I weighted more, yet he was stronger. He had wide shoulders and a very thin waist like a comic book super hero’s almost. Then I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my phone ring. It was John, so I didn’t answer. He called me twice more before I arrived home, I ignored both calls. Why would he be calling me unless he felt guilty, and he wasn’t angry when he followed me so it couldn’t have been that either, right?
I took a shower when I got home then took a nap. When I woke up I did homework and basically had a lazy Sunday all day. I avoided the computer, as he might try to ambush me online. Late that night just before I went to bed I got a text from John. It said, “Meet me at the staircase below the gym tomorrow before school.” I didn’t reply, and just went to sleep still thinking about yesterday.
The next day I avoided the building where the gym was located all morning, but eventually I gave in and went to the staircase. He was waiting half way up; no one used that staircase so we were alone.
“I’m surprised you came,” he said at the same time as I said, “Once again I’m so sorry.” Then he interrupted me by pushing me against the wall: with one hand on my chest he kissed me. Very lightly at first with his mouth only narrowly opened, as if to test the waters, but I could feel his tongue was at the front of his mouth, like he was debating whether to slip it into my mouth or not. Suddenly I didn’t worry about being gay or straight, I just did what felt good. I made the decision for him by slipping my tongue into his mouth. He hadn’t really pushed me against the wall, he just put his hand on my chest and pushed slightly; his hand was still on my chest but not applying any pressure, just resting there as our lips locked. It only lasted a few seconds; there was no passionate making out, only a brief steady kiss, with a little tongue. We heard the bell and ran to our separate classes, without even speaking to each other.
I pulled into the driveway of Sarah’s house; her parents were out of town on some vacation. They were super rich and would go away almost every other weekend, so she would often have parties. Adam was her boyfriend, so we asked her to throw the party for him. I parked and walked through the doors, listening to the booming music all the way from my car. Once inside I found the bar and started drinking. It was a great party, everyone was happy and having a good time. Then I ran into John, one of the graduating seniors. He was sitting in a corner with a whole bottle of tequila pouring shots for himself.
“What’s up man, you don’t look very happy?” I asked.
“Becca just broke up with me,” he replied. I was shocked; they seemed like a perfect couple. I asked him what happened and he told me she wanted her space or some bullshit like that. We had never been close friends, we had the same friends so we often hung out, and we were on the team together, but we’d never hung out without everyone else. Everyone else was busy having fun and no one seemed to notice he was sad. I took the bottle away from him because obviously he had had enough. Then some of the other guys came over and I told them what had happened. They didn’t want him to kill their buzz, so they sent him upstairs, and sent some random girl up there to cheer him up, if you know what I mean.
I resumed socializing and soon forgot all about John. Then a while later I saw him come down the stairs and grab his coat. I followed him, hoping he wasn’t about to drive. He had just climbed into his car and was about to start it up, but I opened the door and told him to stop. I took him back inside and took him back upstairs into the room he was in before. The girl from earlier was passed out in the bed, fully dressed, so I guess nothing happened. I found an empty room and hauled him onto the bed. Luckily he was a weight class below me, so I was strong enough to move him with ease. When I thought he was pretty much asleep I left to take a piss. I got distracted by talking to several people before I returned to check on him about an hour later. When I came back he was sitting up rubbing his head. “What happened?” He asked.
“You tried to drive, so I brought you back up here to lie down,” I told him.
“Oh,” he replied, “thanks man.”
“No problem, so what happened with that girl earlier,” I asked.
“I don’t know, she was super drunk so I didn’t wanna do anything.”
Our conversation continued for awhile, and I could tell the whole time that he was becoming more alert. I checked my phone for the time and saw how late it was, and I didn’t want to try to drive home so I told John I’d stay there tonight.
“Sure,” he said, and then motioned to the empty space in the bed beside him. I slipped off my shoes and jumped into the bed. We talked for a while. I was surprised that I had known him for so long yet never really knew him. Eventually we both fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, surprised that John was awake before me. He was still lying down just staring up at the ceiling. I sat up and so did he. We started talking then the most awkward thing happened, we caught each other’s eye, and we both leaned in and kissed. Almost instantly we snapped out of it and pulled away, our lips had barely touched. We sat there for a second then I pulled my shoes on, grabbed my wallet and phone from the nightstand and ran out. John followed me pulling his shoes on as he half walked, half hopped down the hall. I kept apologizing but stopped when we got downstairs where other people were. I told everyone else goodbye and jumped into my car.
As I drove away my mind was racing with what had just happened. I had kept apologizing, but he had leaned in too, right? We had both leaned in; it was neither of our faults. It shocked me to think that either of us might be gay. We wrestled, changed, and showered with each other and all the other guys, and we never had a problem. Surely I would have known if I were gay, and if he was then other people would have noticed him taking peeks or sporting an unintentional boner now and then? But nothing, it never even crossed my mind, so I couldn’t be gay, yet we both leaned in. I thought about him with his boyish good looks, mid-length slightly curly brown hair, and his smile. He was very thin like me; we had always been light weights. I was taller than him, so I weighted more, yet he was stronger. He had wide shoulders and a very thin waist like a comic book super hero’s almost. Then I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my phone ring. It was John, so I didn’t answer. He called me twice more before I arrived home, I ignored both calls. Why would he be calling me unless he felt guilty, and he wasn’t angry when he followed me so it couldn’t have been that either, right?
I took a shower when I got home then took a nap. When I woke up I did homework and basically had a lazy Sunday all day. I avoided the computer, as he might try to ambush me online. Late that night just before I went to bed I got a text from John. It said, “Meet me at the staircase below the gym tomorrow before school.” I didn’t reply, and just went to sleep still thinking about yesterday.
The next day I avoided the building where the gym was located all morning, but eventually I gave in and went to the staircase. He was waiting half way up; no one used that staircase so we were alone.
“I’m surprised you came,” he said at the same time as I said, “Once again I’m so sorry.” Then he interrupted me by pushing me against the wall: with one hand on my chest he kissed me. Very lightly at first with his mouth only narrowly opened, as if to test the waters, but I could feel his tongue was at the front of his mouth, like he was debating whether to slip it into my mouth or not. Suddenly I didn’t worry about being gay or straight, I just did what felt good. I made the decision for him by slipping my tongue into his mouth. He hadn’t really pushed me against the wall, he just put his hand on my chest and pushed slightly; his hand was still on my chest but not applying any pressure, just resting there as our lips locked. It only lasted a few seconds; there was no passionate making out, only a brief steady kiss, with a little tongue. We heard the bell and ran to our separate classes, without even speaking to each other.

















