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How important is sex in a relationship?

C

csrt8089

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Hey Everyone,

So I'm just wondering how important sex is to a relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and a half now and for a large part of the relationship sex has been an issue. While we do a lot of the "components" of sex (i.e. jerking each other off and such) the actual act happens maybe once every six months if I'm lucky. It really bothers me how unoften we have sex and I have communicated this several times...however nothing ever seems to change no matter what else I try (he also always says he doesn't see why sex is such a big deal...that relationships aren't about sex, etc.). Furthermore, when we are fooling around it always seems he's more into himself/getting himself off than he is me/helping me get off.

Lately this has been bothering more and more and it makes me feel like we're simply not compatible. I've been trying for the last year to try and help him understand where I'm coming from, but he just doesn't seem to get it and nothing has changed. Would it be silly to end such a long relationship over something like this? How important is sex in a relationship?

Any and all help is appreciated!
 
I broke up with a boyfriend for only having sex two times in two months. I have a very high sex drive, and to me a relationship without regular (i.e. 5-7 times a week) just doesn't seem to work. If BOTH partners have low sex drive, that's also fine. But if you need more than he's willing to give, then I'd say you have a problem. The frustration will build up and the bad news is there isn't much you can do about it, other than just going your separate ways.

Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. No relationship should be exclusively about it, but no healthy relationship can survive without both partners receiving as much of it as they need. And I call bullshit to anyone who claims that it's not about sex. It's not ONLY about sex, but if it weren't about sex at all, we would all be dating girls, no?

If you have discussed it, and there is no change, if he isn't interested in you being happy during whatever not-sex you're having, then you just need to rethink being with him, harsh as it sounds.
 
This answer must come from you. I think it's important, but I classify and arousing behavior as sex and perhaps you don't. Communication and a willingness to listen and understand one's partner is what I consider important to a relationship. Couple's counseling may be your next step in coming to some resolution. Good luck to you. As someone in a relationship of ups and downs for 28 1/2 years, I think relationships absent of abuse ought to be saved, if possible. Good luck to you both.
 
You sound just like I sounded in my last serious long term relationship. While sex was an issue (we rarely had it, like you. And BTW in the year and a half we were together, I got ONE blowjob) there were so many other issues that it was a small one. How we lasted so long I would never know. I just know I will not try to make a relationship work so hard again, unless they do the same.

Here is what I can say to you: if there are OTHER issues besides the no sex... end it. Only if he won't work on it. If he will work on the other issues AND the lack of sex, give it a shot. If it is "his way or the highway" just take the highway... there are plenty of pitstops, exits, and other boys out there.

Examine yourself and make sure he isn't controlling you. A lot of times sex, and lack of it, is a form of control.
 
In a relationship, what is important is what the individuals involved find important. There will be couples that sex might not mean more than cuddling, kissing, giving / receiving massages. For others, sex means intercourse, blow jobs, role playing, tools, urinating, etc.

As stated above, relationships that last as partnerships and combined lives are those that have matching views on what is important as a couple. They might have separate hobbies and interests, but as a couple, they ought to share many things and affection is primary in one form or another.

Good luck - do celebrate your life - live your life, not someone else's.

Rand
 
Rolyo85 said:
It's not ONLY about sex, but if it weren't about sex at all, we would all be dating girls, no?
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly.

Honestly, I think sex is important as you both agree it is.

If he's not willing to compromise on things, you should probably move on.
 
I think it's pretty important. I mean without that you might as well be close friends or roommates. That's kind of the distinguishing feature of romantic relationships imo.
 
How can something so wonderful, so playful and so intimate not be important? It is a romantic relationship, afterall.

When things are wrong in the bedroom, it usually means something is wrong somewhere else. He is refusing to listen to you and doesn't appear to care how you feel or what you want. I doubt the problem is primarily sexual.
 
foreplay and touching is also sex.

Do you mean anal sex?
Not everyone enjoy anal sex you know.
 
It's important but if it defines your relationship you're in for trouble
 
IokuA47 said:
we rarely had it, like you. And BTW in the year and a half we were together, I got ONE blowjob.
Click to expand...


OMG IokuA47. Only 1 blowjob? 1 freaken Blowjob? This is just too much for me! You deserve my respect for putting up with that for so long.

If my bf doesn't want to have sex with me, I'll go insane. I will start doubting my looks and desirability.
 
Sex is probably not as important as intimacy and communication.

Since you're batting 0-3 on the above, it may be time to make a change.
 
To cite an old saying, "When there is trouble in the bedroom, there is trouble in the relationship." You have tried talking with him, but he is just ignoring you. Apparently, your needs aren't important to him. So, you are well justified to end this relationship and to find someone who will care about you.
 
Sex is very important in a relationship. It's not how much you have, it's how much both partners want from each other. If one partner is not reciprocating, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Most of the time it can be resolved through communication and an understanding. It sounds to me you've tried this though, and I concur with your conclusion that the two of you are not compatible. If this is where you are at after just a year and a half, how do you expect to spend your whole life in such a relationship?
 
Sex apparently releases chemicals that help people bond and bring about stronger feelings of love / relationship. I think it is very important still, not the most important thing in a relationship but it has its place.

I've had a sexless relationship once, and although it lasted over a year (they were a virgin, one of those waiting till marriage types) without the sex/foreplay/cuddling, the relationship is missing something key, its just like you are friends, not partners.
 
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