How Long Can I Feel Like This?

[TheLoveableLoner]

Life is pointless to me.

I have no point in life.

I wish I had the guts to kill myself, but I'll never do it, because my family would be so sad over be choosing to leave them.

But I pray that I get hit by a bus or that a meteor falls on me pretty much every day. I have absolutely no reason to breathe. The city I love is being ruined (and all other cities worldwide that I'd want to live in are following the same path), I have absolutely no idea what my career goals are, bigotry is being openly marketed in politics and racism has affected me personally.

I just don't know why I bother going to work every day to a job I don't like just to pay for a continued existence I don't even want.

I wish someone would just shoot me already.

 

[rareboy]

I really think you should seek some crisis counselling based on your post.

We can all tell you that you have everything to live for and that suicide or death is a long term solution to a short term problem, but no one here is a qualified therapist and existential crises such as yours need some face to face time.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

There's no actual crisis. Just an overall disenchantment and lack of desire to be here.

The problem isn't short term. I've felt this way since I've had feelings.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Life is pointless to me.

I have no point in life.

I wish I had the guts to kill myself, but I'll never do it, because my family would be so sad over be choosing to leave them.

But I pray that I get hit by a bus or that a meteor falls on me pretty much every day. I have absolutely no reason to breathe. The city I love is being ruined (and all other cities worldwide that I'd want to live in are following the same path), I have absolutely no idea what my career goals are, bigotry is being openly marketed in politics and racism has affected me personally.

I just don't know why I bother going to work every day to a job I don't like just to pay for a continued existence I don't even want.

I wish someone would just shoot me already.

cheer up
_yea millions tink it ans tey power playars wot nose tey full a shit_
" anyway planet earth need mob ans buckat dudes_

tinku

 

[EddMarkStarr]

Maybe its because I'm growing old. I can't remember all the times I felt the same as you.

But something always keeps me hanging on, especially this time of year.

 

[MTLDude]

Life is pointless to me.

I have no point in life.

I wish I had the guts to kill myself, but I'll never do it, because my family would be so sad over be choosing to leave them.

But I pray that I get hit by a bus or that a meteor falls on me pretty much every day. I have absolutely no reason to breathe. The city I love is being ruined (and all other cities worldwide that I'd want to live in are following the same path), I have absolutely no idea what my career goals are, bigotry is being openly marketed in politics and racism has affected me personally.

I just don't know why I bother going to work every day to a job I don't like just to pay for a continued existence I don't even want.

I wish someone would just shoot me already.

I don't know you, but please, seek professional help. I will spare you the platitude of "life is a precious gift" and "Don't waste it on the small problems". But you need to speak to someone.

 

[dpnice]

Before retiring I felt exactly the same way.

But I discovered that by making a slight effort I could have wonderful days, do wonderful things and suddenly start enjoying life again even if for only a few hours.

Simple things like going out for a walk, cooking a good meal with a bottle of wine, taking the time to read a book.

Life can be extremely difficult to live and if you don't feel capable of living it for your personable pleasure then you have to seek professional help.

Take care of yourself.

 

[-Kane-]

I really think you should seek some crisis counselling based on your post.

We can all tell you that you have everything to live for and that suicide or death is a long term solution to a short term problem, but no one here is a qualified therapist and existential crises such as yours need some face to face time.

Maybe he's right to feel the way he does. Life is essentially meaningless from a literal point of view. Particularly the life of a gay man of color. Passing on our genetics to offspring isn't part of the game for us, yet it's the only meaning for existence if you're a heterosexual. Thankfully DC and Marvel has too many upcoming films I want to see before I dare consider killing myself , but as a Black Gay man I can empathize with part of his nihilism.
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/430341-Being-Out-and-Proud-offers-little-in-return



Btw, what the hell is wrong with this website? I had to log in 3 times just to post. ��

 

[MrRochesterNY]

Dear Loner,

I've noticed that in some of your postings (like this one) your despair and despondency comes through, but in others you speak like a balanced person with his head on straight. It puzzles me, why the difference? Is it mood swings or what? It can't be just a matter of race, because I know many people of different races who are leading happy existences.

I do agree that some trends and changes in this world can lead to sadness as we compare what is with what used to be. But that's being negative. There are lots of changes for the better, and I try to focus on them.

 

[star-warrior]

You're missing out on the holistic nature of life if you disengage and cocoon yourself in introspection. We can all make a difference. If it is dispairing for you, then there are others who dispair too that the world we love so much is changing sometimes for the worse. But doing nothing won't change things. To make things better, you have to actively engage to right those wrongs. Make a change by helping others in their hour of need. You can't do it alone, so reach out and find charities who work with the disenfranchised in your community.

 

[Alistair]

Have you been to a doctor lately? A lot of times an imbalance in thyroid or other blood chemicals could be the problem.

I've felt the same way. I wasn't suicidal but I didn't care if I found out i had a terminal illness. I would have been relieved in fact. It took awhile but with the help of an anti-anxiety medication i feel a lot better. Talk to your PCP

 

[Cormac135]

^ All of the above apart from the kane post.

 

[tarallucci]

You mentioned it, family is one reason to breathe. Like everyone else I have my bad moments but I don't know why you feel like this all the time. I remember you said this is due to the bipolar disorder, don't let it take the upper hand. It's a costant battle... worth fighting. Life is full of negative things and maybe fewer are the beautiful ones, but we need to force ourselves to overcome the critical moments, just to enjoy happiness again. I hope you find something or someone that truly motivates you.

Btw, what the hell is wrong with this website? I had to log in 3 times just to post. ��

I don't know, many users are having this problem.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I can at least understand to extent how you feel, the bigotry in politics bit has been making me depressed. Seeing people respond to it and seeing people in my life agree with it really makes me angry, sad and just want disengage from almost everyone. I know if I didn't have a boyfriend for as long as I have more than likely wouldn't want to be alive anymore either. And I know when I lose my boyfriend, I won't.

I love my family and friends, but sadly with how bad this sounds, I don't think they would be enough.

 

[SaskGuy]

Who doesn't feel that way sometimes.
I know I'm useless, and my sole purpose in life is to exist.

 

[zoltanspawn]

You don't mention your home life in your complaints, LL.

Have you built a personal place for yourself? Mine is stocked with things that satisfy me, but it has taken time and effort to arrange.

Then, when I have to face the city, and work and all the external shit, I at least have a sort of refuge that helps sustain me.

In any case, wishing you better, but like most of us, we probably don't know quite what to say.

 

[jbrown329]

I hear you. I've been there (more than once). You need to seek help. I don't suggest a GP, go to a full fledged Psychiatrist. I don't know where you are but try to find a local support group.

Sometimes when I need to 'get away', I'll jump in my car, crank the tunes and get out on the road. If it's between the hours of 10am and 5pm and I don't feel like driving, I'll just crank the tunes with my computer (which is why I bought good speakers). Read a book or go for a walk. Hit YouTube and watch George Carlin or Robin Williams, have a good laugh. Watch Dame Edna and learn about her 'husband' and his rumbling prostate.

One thing, stay away from alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and you want to stay away from the effects (speaking from experience).

 

[zombiekiller]

Ok, before I say anything, let me apologize ahead of time if people are offended by what I'm about to say. Unlike others, I'm not here to coddle you.

I've been depressed before. My boyfriend's been depressed before. I know the easy, politically correct thing for people to say is you can't help it. But the reality is YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF.

Here are some options for you right now.

(1) Seek professional help. Like right now. Not next month.

(2) Stop doing what's comfortable. You can help yourself, but you have to do things that are outside your comfort zone. For instance, you may feel like crying at the moment. Force yourself to smile. Force yourself to cheer up. Force yourself to laugh. You may feel like you want to be alone. Force yourself to be in the presence of other people. Force yourself to get into a relationship.

YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS. All the people who want to coddle you are pretty much telling you you are helpless.

Back in college, there was a time when I fell into a deep depression. It made me fail 2 classes. I was in the library one day and stumbled onto a book. Can't remember the title or who it was by. But the author made the argument that depression can be treated by the depressed by going against how they feel. I tried that and it worked like a charm.

Years later, I met my boyfriend. He also struggled with depression at times. His doctor put him on anti-depressants. It worked for a time, but the side effect was it killed off his sex drive. We didn't do anything for months. I think I made a thread on here somewhere complaining about that last year. Anyway, after a while, he stopped taking it and one day when I came home from work he jumped on me and we made love for an hour. He then went on my method. It wasn't easy at first. He struggled, and it's completely understandable. He had to force himself going against what he felt like. Once he got used to it, he felt a lot better.

I know you don't feel like smiling. Force yourself to smile. I know you don't want to be around other people. Force yourself to be around other people. Get a boyfriend. Do whatever it takes to make life better for yourself.

Remember YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE HELPLESS. Help yourself, for goodness sake. Either that or give up on life. Your choice.

Edit.

Here is my evidence that what you do physically affects how you feel.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-you-happier/

I know it's hard to go against how you feel. What people need to learn is the reverse is also true. What you do affects how you feel. If you feel depressed and do things to make yourself depressed some more, you're just putting yourself in a perpetual cycle of depression. Go against your instinct for once and take a step outside the perpetual cycle of depression.

 

[jbrown329]

^^ Yeah. Well, I've been dealing with dysthymia (chronic depression) with overlapping major depression for 15+yrs. I've been dealing with nonspecific anxiety disorder since 1986 and seasonal affective disorder for 30+yrs. Then I'll toss in the ptsd for good measure.

I'm not "coddling", I'm suggesting based on my experiences.

 

[eddielee]

As already stated, you must go and see a Psychiatrist. I did, found out I was bipolar and got help. I may still crash into depression and consider harming myself, but I know it will pas. Depression seems hopeless, but it can turn into peace, and it will if you seek help. Resolve to find pleasure in the simple things in life. Declare "I am going to have a good day", and then do it. Volunteer or help other people in need. Sometimes when helping others we help ourselves, but first see a Psychiatrist