How Long Can I Feel Like This?

[Rickrock]

MLTDude (6), alister (11), and eddielee (22) give good advice. Some people have a chemical imbalance and need to see a doctor to correct it, and some people are helped by a psychiatrist. Seek help. I, myself, would pray to God to give me a purpose in life, but most people wouldn't go this route. There were a few time phases in my life where I felt I had no purpose in life, but I am usually more upbeat and those passed.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

I got professional help for seven years. Didn't change anything. Didn't change my outlook on life.

As for forcing myself into a relationship... no. I have enough problems. I'm not dragging an innocent down with me. I'm certainly not gonna use another human being as a life raft.

As for the smiling thing, I smile all the time. I'm a bartender. I meet add engage new people, laugh, smile every single day. I do out a ton in my personal life too.

But it's an endorphin that's ultimately meaningless.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

I've felt the same way. I wasn't suicidal but I didn't care if I found out i had a terminal illness. I would have been relieved in fact.

Pretty much. I'm not a harm to myself, would never take any proactive steps to end my life. But if I found out I had Cancer tomorrow, I wouldn't exactly be begging for the chemo.

 

[refujiunderground]

been there more than enough times to know that it's a passing phase. felt like that last week. now feel differently. the truth is that suicidal people don't want to die. they just want to get their pain to stop permanently but don't know how to do so.

life can be fucked up but nothing last forever. life, pain, misery, suffering, happiness and etc. it's about managing it. there's nothing wrong with asking for someone's help if you don't know how to. a lot of people are too scared to admit that shit because they think people will look at them crazy and there's some people that will shame them for feeling depressed and sad. who doesn't get sad, depressed and etc? that's being human.

 

[refujiunderground]

Maybe he's right to feel the way he does. Life is essentially meaningless from a literal point of view. Particularly the life of a gay man of color. Passing on our genetics to offspring isn't part of the game for us, yet it's the only meaning for existence if you're a heterosexual. Thankfully DC and Marvel has too many upcoming films I want to see before I dare consider killing myself , but as a Black Gay man I can empathize with part of his nihilism.
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/430341-Being-Out-and-Proud-offers-little-in-return



Btw, what the hell is wrong with this website? I had to log in 3 times just to post. ��

sorry but as a gay black man, i DISAGREE with you wholeheartedly.

even though i can understand why homeboy is depressed and agree with you on life being tough as fuck being a black man in america or for that matter the world today dealing with racism, prejudice and bullshit, i feel as if you're saying this for the wrong reasons.

honestly, you don't have to let these ignant fuckers try to kill your joy or have to conform to fit into their bullshit. i often see folks crying about the "gay scene" and not being embraced by "gay culture" or certain members of the gay community sounding like kids in high school. upon looking at those certain members that are dying to be embraced from or think are living wonderful lives through whatever instagram pictures and etc they want to show the world, i really don't see ANYTHING special about those guys at all. i go on scruff and see these most woofed members and they ain't shit. what about them that they got that i don't got. then to see how a lot of them are way too obsessed with their bodies, all muscled up, feel the need to devalue themselves where they are about as good as a mannequin and basically living through the internet which, i noticed it's now about being embraced by other gay men on the internet... that shit is WACK.

life as a gay black man can be great if you want it to be and refuse to let fuckers try to make you all miserable because truth be told, that's exactly what some people WANT us to be. all angry, all bitter, all fucked up, thinking that we want to be the young model looking white gay guy that is put on a pedestal. i'm quite comfortable being who i am as much problems and issues i have where i wouldn't want to trade places or be something else.

as long as i'm cool with myself, have people no matter what walk of life they come from or who they are basically down with me for who i am and what i'm not and vice versa, and managing, i'm good. i really don't believe that it's the purpose of my life as a gay black man to be accepted by every gay person especially the lost ones that simply don't know how to be happy without resorting to fucking their lives away, living in vanity where they can't even enjoy life without appearing shirtless, the racist fuckboys that really think that every gay black man or whoever they hate wants to have sex with them and etc. fuck that shit. there's nothing wrong with being average or living an ordinary life. my life doesn't have to be a certain way because i'm gay. i'm learning to accept reality for what it is and that's helped a lot. helped enough where i'm learning that regardless, life goes on and eventually, i will reach my goals even in a fucked up society like this. it's not impossible to be happy or to feel like you've done something with your life. no matter how long it takes you or what age you are. i always said that i was going to get a ps4. it took me years to get one and i finally did. never give up even if your ass has to take a break or have to walk away from something.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

How in the world did this get moved to Coming Out and Relationships? Not only is it not CLOSE to the right topic, but I'll lose correspondence with most of the people who already offered thoughts.

WOW, the mods here hate me. Just delete the thread, please. No use keeping it.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

^^ Yeah. Well, I've been dealing with dysthymia (chronic depression) with overlapping major depression for 15+yrs. I've been dealing with nonspecific anxiety disorder since 1986 and seasonal affective disorder for 30+yrs. Then I'll toss in the ptsd for good measure.

I'm not "coddling", I'm suggesting based on my experiences.

No one in this thread has even come close to coddling anyway. It is people making suggestions or just relating to the op. So I don't know why that was even mentioned as a thing by ZK.

 

[zombiekiller]

TheLoveableLoner, you completely misunderstood my message. My fault for not having made myself clear enough. And yes, I got your PM.

The things I mentioned in my previous post were just examples. I didn't mean for them to be exactly what you must do.

I do not know you personally. I do not know what you need. The point I was trying to convey was you need to force yourself out of the perpetual cycle of self defeat.

Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? Your last response to me sounded exactly that. You start out by telling yourself and everyone here that you've tried everything and nothing helps. That's self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most people do what they feel like. The link I posted proves that the arrow points both ways. In other words, you can do something and force yourself to feel it. It worked for me. It worked for my boyfriend. Our relationship is better than ever. We both feel better than ever. He hasn't been on anti-depressants for almost a year and he feels fine.

It took a while, though. Don't expect things to change over night. Just keep this in mind. Right now, your worst enemy is your feelings.

Regarding coddling, it's funny to see people denying it even though so far most people are telling the OP there is nothing he can do except seeking professional help... and he's even said he's been having professional help for years. In other words, people are telling him he is helpless. I'm telling him he can take control of his life and control his depression. Or he can continue to do the comfortable thing of keeping himself in perpetual cycle of depression. At this point, I believe the OP has fallen deep into learned-helplessness. Continue to tell him there is nothing he can do pretty much throws fuel into the fire.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Regarding coddling, it's funny to see people denying it even though so far most people are telling the OP there is nothing he can do except seeking professional help... and he's even said he's been having professional help for years. In other words, people are telling him he is helpless. I'm telling him he can take control of his life and control his depression. Or he can continue to do the comfortable thing of keeping himself in perpetual cycle of depression. At this point, I believe the OP has fallen deep into learned-helplessness. Continue to tell him there is nothing he can do pretty much throws fuel into the fire.

He is not helpless at all, but if you think people can take control of their depression (especially what he is describing and most other people in this thread), then you do not know anything about depression. That is the reason people would suggest professional help, I can't speak for Loner but there is a multitude of reasons as to why the professional help he had might not have worked for him.

 

[zombiekiller]

He is not helpless at all, but if you think people can take control of their depression (especially what he is describing and most other people in this thread), then you do not know anything about depression. That is the reason people would suggest professional help, I can't speak for Loner but there is a multitude of reasons as to why the professional help he had might not have worked for him.

Ok, honey bunny.

 

[jaysizzles]

I think zombie makes a good point...you seem to be accepting of this depressed and defeatest attitude...that it's something you are just going to live with. I realize you're asking for help/advice, but I'm not sensing a real desire to change or accept the advice offered.

There's a lot to be said for the power of positive thinking; you can actually trick yourself into thinking more positively. You basically lie to yourself repeatedly that you're going to be happy, or do something positive, etc., and eventually you'll believe it. A friend of mine has a list of daily affirmations posted by his bathroom mirror. He's a relatively positive person. The first time I saw the list, I questioned him about it; he said it got him motivated in the right direction first thing in the morning. I never questioned him about it further, as to why he felt the need for it, but I also haven't seen any signs that it wasn't working for him.

 

[zombiekiller]

^^^ My boyfriend got professional help for years. He tells me that the last year trying out the "positive thinking" method he's been feeling much better than ever before without being on any medication at all.

I think the reason most people are resistant to the method I recommended is because it's a lot easier to throw your hands in the air and say it's out of your control. How many of us can actually do something that is against our instinct with ease?

My boyfriend tells me the hardest thing when he first stopped taking the meds his psychiatrist prescribed to him was going against how he felt. The urge to continue to accept that one is trapped in the perpetual cycle of depression is particularly strong. And apparently, all the popular kids on the block advocate the idea that one is helpless when one is depressed. Throw their hands in the air and call it a day attitude.

Anyway, OP, if you're reading this, know that the ball is entirely in your court. You can choose to continue to stay in the perpetual cycle of depression that you are now in. This is the most comfortable choice because it's what you know. You're used to it. Or you can choose to do something about it. Take a step outside your comfort zone and do something different to change your life. Hopefully for the better.

 

[KaraBulut]

How in the world did this get moved to Coming Out and Relationships? Not only is it not CLOSE to the right topic, but I'll lose correspondence with most of the people who already offered thoughts.

WOW, the mods here hate me. Just delete the thread, please. No use keeping it.

About a year ago, the forum was renamed "Coming Out, Relationships & Advice/Support" to make it clearer that this is the general support and advice forum (and part of the no-flame zone area of the site).

 

[ElmosToe]

Sometimes when I need to 'get away', I'll jump in my car, crank the tunes and get out on the road.

^this

Take a step outside your comfort zone and do something different to change your life. Hopefully for the better.

^and this.


I would suggest a psychotherapist, not a psychiatrist, there is a big difference.
Until you find a good one however, I would change things up a bit, just do something different to get out of your head.

suggestions:
Take a REAL vacation...(travel, hotel, change of scenery, maybe to the mountains or beach)

go on a spontaneous random road trip with no specific timeframe or destination. Pick a road and see where you go and where it takes you, see what happens.

Go see a movie by yourself, specifically a comedy.

Do some volunteer work at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen or something. Realize there is more to life than just yourself living in your own little bubble.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

I I watch movies by myself a lot, I've done volunteer work.

To be honest, I'm not really sure a bubble exists. I'm pretty out there all the time. And yes, a psychothetapist is something I've done for years.

 

[wrestlingobsessed]

Ok, before I say anything, let me apologize ahead of time if people are offended by what I'm about to say. Unlike others, I'm not here to coddle you.

I've been depressed before. My boyfriend's been depressed before. I know the easy, politically correct thing for people to say is you can't help it. But the reality is YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF.

Here are some options for you right now.

(1) Seek professional help. Like right now. Not next month.

(2) Stop doing what's comfortable. You can help yourself, but you have to do things that are outside your comfort zone. For instance, you may feel like crying at the moment. Force yourself to smile. Force yourself to cheer up. Force yourself to laugh. You may feel like you want to be alone. Force yourself to be in the presence of other people. Force yourself to get into a relationship.

YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS. All the people who want to coddle you are pretty much telling you you are helpless.

Back in college, there was a time when I fell into a deep depression. It made me fail 2 classes. I was in the library one day and stumbled onto a book. Can't remember the title or who it was by. But the author made the argument that depression can be treated by the depressed by going against how they feel. I tried that and it worked like a charm.

Years later, I met my boyfriend. He also struggled with depression at times. His doctor put him on anti-depressants. It worked for a time, but the side effect was it killed off his sex drive. We didn't do anything for months. I think I made a thread on here somewhere complaining about that last year. Anyway, after a while, he stopped taking it and one day when I came home from work he jumped on me and we made love for an hour. He then went on my method. It wasn't easy at first. He struggled, and it's completely understandable. He had to force himself going against what he felt like. Once he got used to it, he felt a lot better.

I know you don't feel like smiling. Force yourself to smile. I know you don't want to be around other people. Force yourself to be around other people. Get a boyfriend. Do whatever it takes to make life better for yourself.

Remember YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE HELPLESS. Help yourself, for goodness sake. Either that or give up on life. Your choice.

Edit.

Here is my evidence that what you do physically affects how you feel.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-you-happier/

I know it's hard to go against how you feel. What people need to learn is the reverse is also true. What you do affects how you feel. If you feel depressed and do things to make yourself depressed some more, you're just putting yourself in a perpetual cycle of depression. Go against your instinct for once and take a step outside the perpetual cycle of depression.

I'd Love to know how one just magically forces themselves into a relationship and gets a Boyfriend?

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

Right? I can't see that being good advice for anyone under any circumstances.

 

[zombiekiller]

Right? I can't see that being good advice for anyone under any circumstances.

You are absolutely right. What you are doing now is perfectly fine. Carry on.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

Relationshipwise? I'll absolutely carry on. The one thing in my life I have right is not rushing into unhealthy relationships out of desperation. Nice attempt at slamming me, though.

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

Human nature/tendency has us sugar-coating everything. Ultimately, everyone is just saying, "GET OVER IT!"

We are not Vulcan per Star Trek, but we are only governed by emotions when we allow them free reign. Once you recognize, acknowledge, and accept an emotion it is up to you whether or not to run with it ... and you've been running a long time.

The moderators moved you here because it is also for ADVICE. I wish you the best, my young padawan apprentice.