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How long do you usually wait...

I use the dating period (before it's an official relationship) as a gradual 3-4 weeks or so to really get to know each other and our histories... I wouldn't go into a relationship with someone without them knowing what kind of person I am.
 
saymyname said:
I use the dating period (before it's an official relationship) as a gradual 3-4 weeks or so to really get to know each other and our histories... I wouldn't go into a relationship with someone without them knowing what kind of person I am.
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That sounds about right. What do you do if you're asked straight out?
 
Kennylingus said:
That sounds about right. What do you do if you're asked straight out?
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About my history and stuff? I'm pretty open. I'm an extremely liberal person and have done a lot of stuff, and I don't like closeminded people, so I pretty much say it. If it's emotional stuff though, I might give someone the short version until I'm more comfortable.
 
Full disclosure about what? Pretty much everything in my life is an open book, for nearly everybody. I think something's a horrible secret only if I make it so. If I leave it out for anybody to take, everybody loses interest. :)

Lex
 
I’m terribly up-front, almost to the point of self-deprecation. If he is still interested in me after learning my nitty-gritties, than he is worth it.

I usually start off with a joke though, just to break the ice. Something like; "I have to tell you something, and it may freak you out. I'm a registered sex offender." Pause to see his reaction, then; "Just kidding... I'm not registered!"

If he shares my laugh, we go from there. hehe
 
Sounds like me at job interviews.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Firing you."

If they don't laugh, I don't want to work there. :)

Lex
 
Not sure what's meant by "full disclosure", but whatever it is, I'm sure it's unnecessary. Honesty has ruined many a good relationship. The "truth" is often best shaded and often better left unstated. Avoid any potential partner who demands to know everything about either your past or present.
 
G-Lexington said:
Full disclosure about what? Pretty much everything in my life is an open book, for nearly everybody. I think something's a horrible secret only if I make it so. If I leave it out for anybody to take, everybody loses interest. :)

Lex
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Well I have a complicated past. Most of which I'm ashamed of, and I'm an ego maniac....so if I'm ashamed wtf is he going to think?

I just really like this one...more than most of the others. He's really funny which is my biggest turn on. It's usually really hard to make me laugh, but he does it so easily.

I want this to work....for the long run. Usually in a relationship I don't care, if he can't accept me then fuck him. But....I really like him and want it to work for once,
 
LatimerRd said:
Not sure what's meant by "full disclosure", but whatever it is, I'm sure it's unnecessary. Honesty has ruined many a good relationship. The "truth" is often best shaded and often better left unstated. Avoid any potential partner who demands to know everything about either your past or present.
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I'm extremely close to my family though, the truth will come out eventually.
 
BearBoi said:
I’m terribly up-front, almost to the point of self-deprecation. If he is still interested in me after learning my nitty-gritties, than he is worth it.

I usually start off with a joke though, just to break the ice. Something like; "I have to tell you something, and it may freak you out. I'm a registered sex offender." Pause to see his reaction, then; "Just kidding... I'm not registered!"

If he shares my laugh, we go from there. hehe
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I really don't want to risk this one though.
 
Well, here's my take.

Another JUBber recently had a vaguely similar question, although he was on the other side of the equation. He entered into this relationship, and so felt he needed to tell this guy upfront about all these issues and potential problems. The guy sort of accepted it all with a shrug, but then the JUBber seemed upset that the other guy didn't immediately do the same for him.

My advice to him was this. Let's pretend instead of problems and issues and whatnot, you've got some ugly clothes in your closet that you're kind of (or really) ashamed of. He seemed to think that his two options were as follows:

1. sit the guy down in front of the closet, go into the closet, try on each piece of ugly clothing, and parade around the guy saying "Isn't this AWFUL!?"

2. put a dresser in front of the closet...and deny you have a closet.

But those are just the two extreme ends of the spectrum. Full and immediate disclosure about everything, or lying about everything. There's plenty of room in between. To extend the metaphor, you can let him know you've got a closet with some embarrassing things in it. That's it. And if he wants to know more, you might suggest the sort of thing that's in there, without going into detail.

I don't know what precisely in your "complicated past" that might be touchy, but lemme pick a (fake) example. Let's say you've had some major anger-management issues, and you once got in some trouble with the law for slugging a guy. Then in that case, you might find a time to say "Yeah, I've had some trouble keeping my emotions in check in the past. Luckily, I appear to be beyond that now." He might just accept that, or perhaps he'll ask to know more about it. At that point, you could say "Well, I kind of find it hard to talk about. But the long story short is - I used to blow up over some pretty trivial things." Or maybe "I had some major issues with a guy, we got into an argument, I lost my temper, and I slugged him. Kinda got in trouble for it, too. I feel really horrible about that now."

If you're the one telling the story, you can usually say it in such a way that reveals only the basic outline. You don't have to go into details, and you don't have to lie. If you frame things in context, especially with "I regret doing these things" included, you can let him know (some of) what the deal is without freaking him out.

Lex
 
Well I have a complicated past. Most of which I'm ashamed of, and I'm an ego maniac....so if I'm ashamed wtf is he going to think?
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You only need to be ashamed if you didn't learn from it.

Otherwise it is just experience and when you really the story, you should make sure you are able to tell someone what you did learn that helped you mature and/or become the better person.

You also should tell him that you are afraid to tell him some things in case he runs like hell.

But be honest without going into forensic detail about everything. What matters is how experience has made you the person you are today. That is the person he's interested in.
 
Everyone seems to think that privacy means you're hiding something you're ashamed of and EVERYTHING needs to be revealed in a relationship. Some things are simply personal, don't impact the relationship, and need not be introduced unless you want to share. If it's material to the relationship, it should be revealed in due course. If not, you may be justified in keeping it to yourself. But I will admit that concealing things creates an uneasiness that persists.
 
Some things you keep to yourself, forever :lol:
 
Kennylingus said:
I really don't want to risk this one though.
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Ultimately, what are you risking?

If the relationship has not taken off the ground yet, than you can't risk what does not exist.

If you have secrets that are going to come out eventually and you truly fear they may end the relationship, than isn't it better to be honest sooner rather than later?

If he really likes you than he will overlook them and continue to get to know you. If he really isn't that into you, than the relationship will just end sooner than it would have anyway.

That's just my opinion, and the reason I am so up-front.

I wish you the very best.
 
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