How long do you wait to tell someone you've just met you're gay?

[spooger]

i never TELL anyone that i'm gay - do straight people set a time to TELL new friends they are straight?

i have never understood the need to TELL about one's sexuality

if two people become friends and have a sexual interest in each other, then a discussion is in order, but to just announce to someone what your sexuality is .... why?

 

[palbert]

The right time is when you feel comfortable doing it, when coming out is not purely gratuitous. Your post does not suggest why a broadcast of your sexual preference would be called for, so why are you considering it?

 

[looseliam]

I'm with spooger on this one.

Just be yourself. Don't hide who you are, but you don't have to be in-their-faces, so to speak.

True story: I never came out. Yet, everyone knows I'm gay.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

When it comes up.

I have no reason to tell you and I have absolutely no reason to lie about it.

 

[Quantumreading]

Don't come right out and say "By the way, I'm gay," for obvious reasons. If they ask you about your relationships or something that has to do with your sexuality, they'll find out through your answer. Sexuality is a very small part of everyone, and you shouldn't feel the need to essentially "come out" like someone would with their parents.

 

[pai mei]

whenever someones talking about girls to you. usually with guys that isnt very long. and ill usually say something like 'well i wouldnt kno, as im not attracted to girls,' or some such.

that said with older people im generally more touchy with that, and i feel a bit uncomfortable saying as much.

 

[72-Jay]

How long do you wait to tell someone you've just met you're gay?

Its not something I've ever done.
Nor do I plan to do so in the future...

 

[G-Lexington]

They figure it out. If it seems clear that they haven't, I reference my partner or something, and then they knw. No big deal.

Lex

 

[Smitho]

I quite like to let people know, so do not announce it, but just make sure early on, when asked about a gf for example, well actually I am gay, but single at the moment.

I find it avoids confusion etc. Works for me, so to answer the question fairly quickly.

 

[USEDCAR]

You do it when it feels right. Usually people quickly find out when I'm drooling over a cute guy or my facebook

 

[doctorsun]

I let it come up naturally. I don't understand the idea of "coming out" to everyone I meet. It doesn't matter. Unless I have a reason to tell someone, I don't tell them. Therefore, most people don't know I'm gay.

 

[Anders123]

First of all, your English is perfectly fine. Great, even.

Secondly, I agree with many of the above posts, and I think that the more nonchalant you are about letting them know, the less inclined they're going to be to make a big deal about it themselves.

If you don't want to hide it or lie about it, then don't. During small-talk, or friendly conversation, it's quite common for the topic of significant others to arise. When it does, casually make it evident that you've previously dated men, or are interested in doing so at some point.

You don't have to make it a huge spectacle, and you don't have to give a speech; you don't have to do anything other than be yourself. I think you'll find that more often than not, most people wont even think twice about it.

I hope you're able to enjoy both the dinner and the company. Here's hoping it's the beginning of some wonderful friendships.

 

[panda29]

It is on a need to know bases,Unless there is a reason to tell them it's none of there business !!

 

[Taz]

Show up to dinner wearing a rainbow pride tshirt flapping your arms around and just shout "DAAAAARLINGS I'm simply obsessed with dick!"

Thats how I always introduce myself.


On a serious not that Anders guy seems to be pretty smart. You should listen to him.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I will say that unlike a lot of posters here, I don't instantly talk about men the second someone talks about girlfriends, because that helps feed the ridiculous notion that one "needs" a significant other in life.

So when asked "what kind of girls do you like", you don't state that you're into guys?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>So when asked "what kind of girls do you like", you don't state that you're into guys?

You didn't ask me, but I'll answer, anyway.

If there's a large group, and guys are talking about what sort of girls they like, I won't immediately leap in and say "Not me - I like guys." Not because I like hiding it or anything, as I think you're aware. But because I know that sort of comment tends to end that conversation. Nobody then asks "So, what kind of GUYS are you into?" They really would rather not know. Not that they're unaccepting, but they just sort of say "Huh" and then change the subject.

Again, this is in a group of guys I obviously don't know very well. I tend to get to know people through other friends, and as such, I'm rarely in a group of people who doesn't know. And it's pretty easy to bring up casually in conversation otherwise.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

You wouldn't consider it an opening to discuss your take on dating and relationships? Because it sounds like it'd be a great opportunity for you to point out the hypocrisy of people who insist that a relationship is an ideal state, and to show that you've set yourself completely apart from that paradigm.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

But why is that a bad thing? I thought you kinda liked being the freak. I've certainly got some bizarre things about me, but everybody seems able to take them in stride pretty easily. Yeah, occasionally, somebody can't quite grasp the fact that "Lex doesn't get drunk" or "Lex doesn't find models hot" or whatever else. But eventually, they shrug it off and accept it. Are your friends andcolleagues just that unable to grasp the idea that people simply act and respond differently?

Lex

 

[TheOscar]

This is an interesting issue that I have been thinking about and people's responses have helped. It really should only come after someone just straight out asks something about what girls you are into or anything similar to that. You'll know when you can lead in saying you're gay, but it never should be just out of the blue and you should never need to make a big deal out of it. Just a quick sentence referencing it and that's it, unless someone follows up with your response. I think it's what I'm gonna do from now on.

However, if you reach a really close status with a friend and you wish for them to know you're gay, so as to have someone to talk about that aspect of your life with, then you should tell them. And I feel it's important that friends you are close with should know that certain quality about yourself just because it brings you guys closer and doesn't keep things hidden between one another. But if they are just people you are getting to know, then they can eventually find out through some simple and casual nonchalant manner. No need to write it on your forehead!

 

[JayHawk]

The Oscar.... yay.

I usually dont say a word. i dont need to say anything but like previous folks have suggested I also have no problem saying..

"Damn the waiter is hot" (if he is of course)

Or when they talk about dating or tell a funny date story i will tell one after and ensure i DONT avoid saying the gender of my date...