How many is too many?

[AndrewH]

At least he's honest with you.

As long as he's practiced safe sex and you're going to play safe with him, I don't see why it matters.

 

[bluedragon4]

Only my close friends know this but for about 10 years I slept with at least 2 guys a week....Okay 3!! From 19 years old to 30 I really racked up the numbers!My friends use to call me Brian Kinney! but I have only slept with my bf since we started dating serious and moved in with each other. Once a whore is not always a whore. My bf got around also(though he's 8 years younger) and I wouldn't have it any other way. You have to get the whore years out of the way. I don't regret any of it and am beyond lucky I am healthy to tell the tale!Damn those years were fun!!! LOL! But these years with my bf are the best. And my numbers are leveling out since I am only sleeping with him.It works that way doesn't it? Give the guy a chance.

 

[looseliam]

I kept track up to, like, 20. But then not only did I forget numbers, I forgot names, too.

So, for me, the amount of people with whom I've slept is proportional to the amount of names I can recall.

 

[M4P]

I wouldn't have a clue how many I was with before The Boy made an honest man out of me

Seriously - past is past and what single people do with other single people is their own business. If there is something good between the two of you go for it

 

[M4P]

I hate to reject a guy because of his past, but I'd also hate to catch something. Am I really just making too much out of this?

Nothing wrong with having a heart to heart chat about things - is he positive, disease and drug free? Forgive my tongue but it doesn't take a slut (or a busy man) to catch a disease - it only takes one time. If you're really concerned, which isn't a bad thing, perhaps you could both be tested

 

[tonyboy]

I met this great guy. He is 29, attractive, single, and has a great personality. I just can't get past the fact that he confessed to have had hundreds of sexual partners.

Do you think this is too many partners? Would you give him a chance anyway?

Any help would be great... not sure what to do.

Well friend I would give him a chance. Could be that he is just so attractive that he has had lot's of chances for sex.
But the question you have to ask man, is what are YOU looking for here. Obvously the guy loves sex, nothing wrong with that. If you want to have a toss and a turn with him then go for it. But man, if you are looking for any sort of LTR with the guy you'd best rethink it.
Not saying that it couldn't happen hollisterdude, only that it is unlikely.
Up to you of course.
You don't say how long you've known this guy, could be that is exaggerates is past, could be that he doesn't. And I don't know how old you are man.
A guy with hundreds of sexual partners would certainly know how to make love and that could be great fun for you. Especially if you don't want to get attached, just want to have a short term relationship.
I guess it all boils down to what you want my friend.
As to the original question, I wouldn't let his past determine how you want to proceed with him.
And don't trust just what he says to you about his health history man. The guys sounds charming, attractive, and could probably get his way with any guy from your description. Get to know him and maybe get some medical history.... although I don't know how one goes about getting that in a romantic situation.
But I hope you let us know how this works out man. Interesting story. And best of everything to you.

 

[VICTORIADON]

I appreciate all your responses, but the whole thing still makes me nervous. I've been with three guys and the idea of hundreds scares me... esp. when it comes to STDS.

I hate to reject a guy because of his past, but I'd also hate to catch something. Am I really just making too much out of this?

It is already playing on your mind. Are you able to get over this information? Be honest with yourself and him.
When it comes to how many is too many...all it takes is one to infect many. Do the multiplication, you have slept with 3 guys, how many guys have those 3 guys slept with, and those guys slept with and...
We would all like to meet a guy that has a pristine past, but the chances of that are next to nil.
Always practice safe sex.
If you and he wind up in a comitted relationship, after six months both of you go together and get tested for any STDs. If both of you test neg, take it from there whether or not to give up the condoms etc.
Always think...Am I willing to die for this person?
There is so much you can do safely...so much, everything!

 

[Homoerectus]

If YOU can't get past this, then you don't need to see him again. It is YOUR hang-up, not his problem. If he is willing to get tested, then he is serious about the prospects for a relationship. If you can't forget about this, it it will always be a wedge issue, then you aren't ready for a relationship with him.

 

[Homoerectus]

If YOU can't get past this, then you don't need to see him again. It is YOUR hang-up, not his problem. If he is willing to get tested, then he is serious about the prospects for a relationship. If you can't forget about this, it it will always be a wedge issue, then you aren't ready for a relationship with him.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Hollister,

Mate, dont feel bad because of how you feel. Your values and morals maybe dont sit well with this guys past...maybe its something that you wouldnt do or dont agree with...and so yes this about you. But that doesnt mean what you feel is wrong.

What would be wrong though is to pre-judge this guy without talking to him. If you think that hes a good guy and that you two have potential together than it would be a huge shame and waste for you not to be completely honest and open with him...talk to him about your feelings and let him explain to you his past. People can and do change. Maybe that time in life has passed for him...ask him.

You're wary enough not to fall for a good story...I'm sure you'll pick the truth from the lies. But dont feel you are wrong in being uncomfortable about how you feel.

I do have one question though hollister...and its something that you need to consider. Is it the risk of std's you fear from his numerous encounters...or do you feel intimidated by the number of partners? Do you feel you may not stack up or that he will judge or compare you to his past conquests? Being new at this...and relatively inexperienced may make you feel unsure about yourself in this situation.

Either way mate...its ok. If its STD's..get checked and make an effort with the guy. If its the other than thats more than ok too. Its a sign of your standards and morals...and lots of guys would be glad to be with you because of it. Inexperience isnt a bad thing...in fact the ability to grow and share with someone is a great gift to give.

Talk to the guy hollister. Be open and honest with him the way you have here. If he's the right guy, it wont matter why you feel the way you do. But it will be the start to you getting the happiness you deserve.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

You know that you are basically wrong: You can't be the judge of his past and it is not for to you to decide, How many is too many, when it comes to other people's personal lives and their histories.

You also know that his sexual life did not start with you. And he probably knows that yours did not start with him either. So, no one is exactly considering this as a liaison of the two virgins, rite?

You are rightly afraid of his promiscious past, and you are really fearful that he might not be the best boyfriend (as in a monogamous LTR) material.

If you feel that the guy is worth taking that risk, go for it. If you feel the opposite, let him go and don't work yourself up into this new relationship, that may never be.

Always try to be as fair as possible. Call the things by their right names and make your own clear decisions. And never play with other people's emotions. (I am not saying that you have been doing that.)

SC

 

[Riverrick]

The first bf I had was with maybe a hundred guys before I met him. I didn't know this at the time but found out later after we were together for a few years. Looking back at it I'm kind of glad that I didn't know or I might have gotten freaked out too. As it played out for us, it didn't make any difference.

 

[VICTORIADON]

Dude,

You know that you are basically wrong: You can't be the judge of his past and it is not for to you to decide, How many is too many, when it comes to other people's personal lives and their histories.

You also know that his sexual life did not start with you. And he probably knows that yours did not start with him either. So, no one is exactly considering this as a liaison of the two virgins, rite?

You are rightly afraid of his promiscious past, and you are really fearful that he might not be the best boyfriend (as in a monogamous LTR) material.

If you feel that the guy is worth taking that risk, go for it. If you feel the opposite, let him go and don't work yourself up into this new relationship, that may never be.

Always try to be as fair as possible. Call the things by their right names and make your own clear decisions. And never play with other people's emotions. (I am not saying that you have been doing that.)

SC

This is the first time I disagree with SilverRRcloud.

Why on earth would you, or anyone else, put aside your gut instincts?
If you do not feel comfortable now, you most likely not feel comfortable later, it will be like a small pimple that keeps growing until it bursts.
Go with your feelings, do not lead him or yourself on.
If it was meant to be, sometime in the future you may meet again and things will click, but at this time they obviously are not.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

This is the first time I disagree with SilverRRcloud.

Why on earth would you, or anyone else, put aside your gut instincts?
If you do not feel comfortable now, you most likely not feel comfortable later, it will be like a small pimple that keeps growing until it bursts.
Go with your feelings, do not lead him or yourself on.
If it was meant to be, sometime in the future you may meet again and things will click, but at this time they obviously are not.

Disagreeing with me is similar to agreeing with me. Just the other way around.

I, too love to go by my gut feeling. And, at times, I do. But the gut feeling alone does not cut it either. So, you want to be very careful, when deciding which way you swing (no pun intended). You want to ask all parts of your being, your guts, your heart and last but by no means least, also your rational mind.

Good and compatible, plus VGL dudes are not easy to find. They are however, very easy to lose and become a big source of regret in your later life.

If it is as easy doing as your gut feeling alone tells you, it probably ain't worth doing...

SC

 

[luminum]

I would say given his sexual history, before you two decide to have sex, you both need to get tested (you, out of good faith and general good practice) for all the STDs you're concerned about. Get tested for HIV, herpes, all of them.

And if he's clean or can be treated and does, then you don't have anything to worry about unless you think he'll cheat on you.

 

[Just_Believe18]

He also needs to be honest with you if he has any permanent STD's like Herpes and the like. Hundreds of guys increases each probability of him having hepititis or something. It's just reality.

I understand your sentiments. When you really, really think about it. Hundreds? All of those cocks that have been in his mouth and anus... The tons of butt holes and mouths that have been over his dick... All the hands and tongues, etc.. It just goes on and on.

Even if the "past is the past" it doesn't erase his psyche. I'm sorry, but no matter who the person is, they are on a different playing field sexually from a guy who can still count his number on his fingers. When you have that much sex with that many guys it doesn't mean as much to guys with lower numbers. Believe me.

 

[spreadeagle]

Don't have sex with him for at least three months and then if he's still expressing interest, go for it.

 

[blueto21]

Well, I know a lot people have already given their opinions, but let me just add in my two sense. This is to the OP.

YOU are very correct in your hesitation and feelings about this guy.

I totally understand your position. I was in same position 2 years ago when I had met this great guy and I had the same concerns and hesitations about our potential relationship. Not only was I concerned about his STD status (and not just his HIV/AIDS status) but I also felt like he had been “had” already by so many people and that mentally would damage me. And I was correct in my observations.

I'm not suggesting that you do this but when I was in this same situation 2 years ago, I decided to terminate the relationship. I couldn't be content within my heart knowing the fact that my potential life partner had already been with so many people before he was with me. And I know some people would be simple minded enough to label my hesitations merely as "hang ups" but I don't see them that way. I just have a clear set of boundaries and self dignity about myself that I want to preserve. And unfortunately, he didn't live up to my standards for a healthy relationship. But, fortunately, my current boyfriend does.

This is the advice that I would give to you. If you think there is something very special between you and he that is rarely found then I would suggest that you go for it. But, if you feel that it is too complicated and too much of a burden mentally on you to deal with his sexual past then I think you should terminate the relationship. Only pursue him if you think he is worth having.

 

[lovelost]

I had to smile when I first read this. I had exactly the same problem with my boyfriend when we first met. Similar ages to this situation as well.

In agreement with the previous comments. Talk to him.

I've had a quite a few chats to my other half about things. The one thing I found out was that in almost all of the cases he was looking for love but it never happened and he ended up being used and so on. In conversations with his friends about him always being monogamous and so on and getting to know him, I have no reason to doubt this.

See what this man has got to say about his past. If it was all recreational, then you two may be heading in very different directions.

It also depends on how much you feel for him and if things do develop between you, how much of an issue it will be. I have always had an issue with sexual histories. And, at times, I still do with his. But we love each other and I'm working on my issues and working on the relationship. Honesty and communication!!

 

[JUB_newbie]

I share many of the same feelings people have posted here regarding both supporting and ending the relationship. I'm in a similar situation with the guy I'm currently seeing - his encounters with men have greatly exceeded mine but he told me that it wasn't until he met me that he did not have the urge to hook up with others. We both got tested together, results disclosed while we sat beside each other holding hands, and all tests for both of us came back negative (we had the full meal deal of tests).

I do think about the number he's been with which doesn't sit too well yet I feel it's something I have to learn more about from him. We've known each other about 6 months now and I feel something for him I've never felt for another person in my life, and he shares the same feelings for me. We have shared some stories about our sexual past and he wants to continue doing so - he says he wants to get to know everything about me, so I need to start looking at it the same way he does. Communication, I believe, is number one above anything else.