How many of you suffer from clinical/severe depression?

[Joshua_me]

Depending on which shrink I'm seeing, I've been diagnosed with severe clinical depression, panic disorder, and or "mild" bi-polar tendencies.

I've been through a lot of therapy, because of my F'd-up childhood that included both physical and sexual abuse.

I've been through all the "old school" SSRI's: Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac...

And some of the newer ones, their names escape me at the moment.

The *only* thing that has *ever* helped me cope day to day is Xanax, and while I've joked around about it here from time to time, it's surprisingly hard to find a Dr. that will prescribe them for any extended period of time.

So, I get most of the "Xanny bars" off of the street, from friends and friends of friends... They're everywhere, and not that much of a challenge to get... as long as one has the money.

As long as I'm on a steady stream of Xanax and alcohol, I'm OK... Meaning I'm able to deal with the past and all of that "victim" shit that gets in the way of leading a normal life.

I'll always harbor anger toward my step-dad who drugged and raped me while my mom turned a blind eye, but with the proper chemical mix I'm able to face at least another day.

But.

Here comes tomorrow.

 

[cyravance]

The correct diagnosis is critical. I have had depression since my early teenage years, on and off. Finally sought treatment several years ago, and was put on Prozac. It helped, but made me feel like a Stepford Wife, so after the "hump" was over, I stopped. Then I had another, much more severe episode last year, but after speaking with me for awhile, he determined that I actually have ADD, and theorized that the depressive episodes were a result of trying to compensate for the effects of the ADD.
To make a long story short? He put me on Adderrall, an amphetamine, and it has made a world of difference. Where the previous treatment with antidepressants helped a bit, it was suboptimal. Now that the real issue is being targeted and treated, I feel for the first time in a half-century like I am approaching some kind of normality.

 

[oakpope]

what is ADD please ?

 

[chrisw87]

When I was a child, yes. Before I was even old enough to have concerns about body image (I can't remember my age then, but I'd say between the ages of 5 and 15) I was suffering pretty bad depression.

Around the age of 6-7 I even had some suicidal thoughts, plenty of them. When those memories came back to me as an adult, I was shocked and horrified that I never spoke to anyone about it, it had no basis or cause, I just.. WAS.

But it continued through my teenage years, from childhood, always being the 'black sheep' at school, in the family, etc.

Now I've just grown into my own niche, I am who I am, I still suffer some minor depression, but Ive moved into a new phase of my life and I'm content. Anxiety can still get the better of me though.

 

[treanir]

At this point in life I'd be surprised if I wasn't depressed or had some other diagnosable mental condition.

 

[goldenmoth]

When I lost my job I was diagnosed with reactive depression but I never sought help for it. I just didn't think I deserved it and I didn't want to cost my parents any more money than I was forced to.

As a child I also felt something similar to that and I was put on medication at the time which didn't really help.

Anyway, 15 months after I lost my job I found my dream job, paid my parents back for their kindness and I feel much stronger and happier