How should I go about this???

[lobo26]

Okay so here's the deal, I'm 19 and I've been so curious to be with another man it's crazy. I've tried meeting up with people before but never went through with it, I just don't want to do anal but I really wanna have a sexual experience with another guy be it through a blow job or a hand job. I was going to meet up with someone before who said that most hook ups end up in sex and anyone who doesn't want to give the person your ass will most of the time result in rape. I've been so scared of this that it's putting me off completely.

I know any chance is a gamble when it comes to hooking up but is there truly anyway that you can take things slow, I'm really anxious but can't shake the feelings I have for other men.

 

[Jerry]

First, stay FAR away from whomever said that if you don't "give it up" you'll get raped. WOW

I think maybe you should stop looking for a hook-up, and start trying to meet some nice gay guys. Make some friends and move as slowly as you're comfortable with. It's always good to make friends and network anyway, and you'll enjoy things much more when you're comfortable and feel safe with the guy you're with.

Take it slow

 

[swerve]

Okay so here's the deal, I'm 19 and I've been so curious to be with another man it's crazy. I've tried meeting up with people before but never went through with it, I just don't want to do anal but I really wanna have a sexual experience with another guy be it through a blow job or a hand job. I was going to meet up with someone before who said that most hook ups end up in sex and anyone who doesn't want to give the person your ass will most of the time result in rape. I've been so scared of this that it's putting me off completely.

I know any chance is a gamble when it comes to hooking up but is there truly anyway that you can take things slow, I'm really anxious but can't shake the feelings I have for other men.

Someone REALLY said that!!!

NO...

That is NOT true...

YOU are in charge of YOUR body -- and set YOUR boundaries...

That guy sounds like a TOTAL creep!!!

 

[lobo26]

Yeah, to be honest I think it's because I told him that if we met up I wasn't going to do anal and he kept trying to force me into it. I dunno I guess it's just hard for me I don't want to come out I'm not ready. I've been feeling more like I should lately. I think though because I've never properly been with a man before it's going to be hard for me to judge. I mean men attract me but my brother is gay too and I sometimes feel like if I came out then I'd be letting my family down because they already have one gay son.

 

[Jerry]

You aren't going to be letting anybody down if that's who you are!! You WILL however, be letting yourself down of you think you have to be someone you're not!!
You don't have to come out until you're ready, but don't think for a second that there's anything wrong with you, because there isn't!

About that guy, there is NO excuse for what he said. If you're still talking to him, PLEASE STOP NOW!! He is dangerous!

You can meet some gay guys and hopefully make some friends without coming out to your family, right? Maybe you can confide in your brother? Maybe he has some gay friends? Not for sex, just to talk to and network.

Whatever you do, do it for YOU. If you're not ready for anal, DON'T DO IT! I don't care what the guy wants or if he says you led him on or owe him something, you don't owe anyone your body!

I think you'll enjoy your first time much more if you take it slow, find a guy you can be friends with (or boyfriends with), and let things progress naturally. If anyone tries to force anything on you, dump him QUICK and never look back!

 

[Rolyo85]

Um, hook ups often end with sex, but if you hook up with someone that you've told bluntly from the get go you aren't going to go all the way with, they won't expect you to. They might try to persuade you, but if they're decent, they'll take "no" and make do with what you're offering.

That said, if you feel the pressure to come out, just do it. Your parents should not be a factor whatsoever. The might be disappointed and miserable, but that's their problem (it shouldn't be anybody's, but it most definitely isn't yours) since it's nobody's fault and you didn't choose this.

THAT said, you do not need a sexual experience to come out. None whatsoever. You always know what you want, and any confusion you might feel about it is always in your head and due to whatever homophobic bullshit your environment might have put there while you were growing up. I'm talking in general, not about you particularly. I never had any sexual experience with a guy prior to coming out, and didn't have any for half a year after. But I ALWAYS knew my dick pointed to boys.

Sex isn't a factor in coming out. However, getting it, feeling comfortable with it and not being afraid of who might know and what might happen to you because you couldn't tell anyone where you were going - those ARE a factor. So I'd suggest put off the hooking up for after you're out.

And definitely talk to your brother about this. I'm sure he can give you great advice from his own experience.

 

[hylas]

not to be rude or patronizing, but it really doesnt sound like youre mature enough or informed enough for hookups yet.

cant you approach your brother about this? hell know what to do.

 

[lobo26]

Thanks for the replies guys, the situation just got to me so much tonight so I came out to my mum and it went amazing she didn't even mind she just said as long as I'm happy she's happy. In terms of hooking up I think I am going to just take things slow, there was mainly a fear of getting found out and a fear of the unknown and yes I'm not informed enough so I am getting advice on here before hand.

Now I am out, I'm not immediately going to start shagging all around me. I think I'm actually going to check out some Gay bars first and get to know a few people and take it from there.

 

[Enduster]

Thanks for the replies guys, the situation just got to me so much tonight so I came out to my mum and it went amazing she didn't even mind she just said as long as I'm happy she's happy. In terms of hooking up I think I am going to just take things slow, there was mainly a fear of getting found out and a fear of the unknown and yes I'm not informed enough so I am getting advice on here before hand.

Now I am out, I'm not immediately going to start shagging all around me. I think I'm actually going to check out some Gay bars first and get to know a few people and take it from there.

Gay bars are good and fine I suppose, but maybe you should think about meeting fellow homos by joining a gay bicycling club, or gay hockey team, gay book reading/poetry circle, gay friendly church, etc... While a gay bar has its place, make sure to keep your options open by finding a man that might share some of your own hobbies/interests.

 

[Seasoned]

^I agree. It's time for some gay friends. Perhaps you'll keep a friendship boundary, but there's nothing like a peer group to help navigate new life experience. Good luck to you. Congratulations on coming out to your mom. You're on your way!

 

[lobo26]

Thanks, I'll have a look around and see if there is anywhere I could join.

 

[swerve]

CONGRATULATIONS on your coming out Lobo!!!

That is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!