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How sympathetic should a woman be upon finding out she was her boyfriend/husband's beard?

Blast him for being a liar and sell her story to the highest bidder! Society isn't responsible for his actions - it's his lack of a set of decent balls thats responsible for his actions!
 
treanir said:
BEARD -a man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beard

The only beard a man should have is the one on his face.
Click to expand...

That is a new term to me. Thanks for that. :)

Doyen said:
Let's say a woman finds out that her boyfriend or husband is gay, and was only with her to save face.

Should she:
a) be pissed off at him for having been deceptive?

or

b) show empathy for his internal struggle?
Click to expand...

It depends on a case by case basis and where they live. If they live in Iran, Saudia Arabia, or Jamaica, I MAY be more understanding.
 
I personally wouldn't be sympathetic, not even if I lived in Iraq or Iran. Don't drag me into your problems and drama. However, I wouldn't try to blast him for lying either. What's the point? He's gay. I could yell at him all day long. I could bawl my eyes out. I could go on and on about how much he hurt me. I could make him explain what happened. I could force him to explain why he married me in the first place. And, after going through all those issues and emotions, he'd still be gay! Seems like a waste of time to me, and so much time has already been wasted w/ the guy who doesn't really want me. So, I'd kick him out, hire an atty, get a divorce, and find someone who loved me for me. I wouldn't bitch about him b/c it wouldn't change anything and if we had kids, I'd make sure they spent time w/ him. It's best to just move on and make yourself happy.

There are so many threads in the Coming Out section from married men who are truly gay. Some are cheating, some aren't. Most seem intent on sticking w/ their beard. The wife is an obligation, a burden, she's their responsibility somehow. Personally, I think most of these guys are using their wives as an excuse for not coming of the closet and facing up to their mistakes. I mean, come on, it's 2009, women have been working and taking care of themselves for decades now. There are plenty of single moms out there. She'll be fine w/o you. Do her a favor and walk away so she can find a man who will truly love her and desire her.
 
My mom wants me to find a woman that will be my beard. But I prefer men who wear one.
 
She was played through and through; she has no obligation to be nice or understanding to the douche.
 
I can empathize with guys who want to stay in the closet and not face their sexuality. But dragging a woman into the deception without full disclosure is just plain wrong.

Lex
 
Well said alpha1851. However, I could understand if a woman wanted to bawl and smack that guy down because of the hurt that he caused.
Personally, I think a closeted guy would be extremely lucky if his wife/girlfriend was very understanding and emotionally supportive. She has no obligation to be considering the circumstances.
 
At least "daddy" isn't becoming a "mommy" in most of these situations, unlike this one. I'm so proud of this woman for sticking with her "husband":

[ame]www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-MhpkAUyMo[/ame]
 
I still think many of these women are closeted lesbians. It explains why they're okay w/ not having sex, why they don't want to give blowjobs, why they're willing to look the other way,why they're always w/ their female bff, etc.
 
If he was using her to convince other people he wasn't gay so he could secretly screw around with guys, she should rip his balls off.

If he was using her to convince himself he wasn't gay. . . I could be a little more sympathetic to that situation. So many gays have been taught to hate themselves so badly that they truly believe getting married will "fix" them. But it's still unfair to the woman who may have to deal with it later.
 
^^It's used a lot in the entertainment industry.

Gay and lesbian actors who date/marry people of the opposite sex to hide their sexual identity.

Many times the "beard" is fully aware of the situation and goes along with it to protect a gay friend, though that most often involves dating rather than marriage.

A number of female actors have the reputation of being "professional beards" because they "date" so many gay male actors.
 
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