How to approach him?

[yesplease]

Hello everyone, this being my first post, I'd like to say I was a long-time lurker on these boards for a few years, and then the other day I decided to join as a member.

Having gotten that out of the way, I have a little bit of a dilemma. I like this friend who I'm pretty sure likes me as well. However, in our group of friends, we are both very straight-acting. Being completely "out" would just be "weird" to a lot of people I know, so everybody avoids the fact as of right now.

The thing is, I'm really starting to like this guy. We have a lot in common and I find him very attractive. Last year we got closer as friends after knowing each other for a while, and we really get along well. I've made several hints that I like him and he's given me signs that he likes me back. We've been in some situations that have gotten a little intimate (at parties and such) and he's seemed pretty excited about it.

One time at a party, we were both drunk, and I rested my head on his shoulder and we talked for a while. He's a typical football-player type, hooks up with girls at parties all the time, and here he is talking to me as I'm all over him.

The next day we texted and IMed for a long time, it felt like we were just making up excuses to talk to eachother. It seemed like each of us wanted to say something, but neither of us had the balls to do it.

We've been in conversations before where we've talked about girls and sex and hooking up, and I've said things like "I don't really like girls all that much," and he's said "haha" and agreed with me, but we never actually got on the subject of the two of us.

Basically, there is a lot of physical contact whenever I'm around this guy, whenever we are out, we're always near each other... and I just get the feeling from the way he acts that he could be into me, like I'm into him. None of the other guys act like this towards me, other than him.

He's going to college next year and by that time we'll be split up for an undetermined amount of time. I want to say something to him before then, and it's not even about getting a "jo buddy." It's just you know, I want to know if he likes me like I like him. If he does, we'll see what happens from there. The thing is, I don't know what to say. I'm sure at this point, if I said something and the feelings weren't mutual, he'd be totally cool with it and keep it on the DL (he even has a brother in college that is bi). But, he could really like me, and if I said something awkward to him and freak him out, he could still back off.

I don't want to let time pass by and then look back on it regretting that I never told him how I feel. But I don't know the right way to talk to him. I'll be out socially with him this weekend, but we'll be with our friends as well. What are your guys suggestions?

 

[Horschallen]

Let him know you would like to spend some quality time before "he goes away to college."

 

[yesplease]

Thanks for the response.

we spend alot of quality time together... any thoughts on what I should specifically say to him? I don't know where to begin in this situation. I'm pretty sure he's in the same boat as I am, but there's a chance he's not.

 

[hanzosword]

Just tell him that he means a lot to you and that you are going to miss him when he's gone and see what he says. If his response is along those same lines then maybe you can get comfortable enough to tell him you "like" him.

 

[sixthson]

Have a talk with him when you are not rushed for time and are not with others. I'm sure you are nervous, but like you said, you don't want to regret not telling him.
Tell him just what you told us about how you feel about him. Just keep it simple and sincere. It certainly seems like he is sending you signals. Tell him how important his friendship is to you but that you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. Try to make eye contact as much as possible. One of you has to take the first step and it might as well be you. Good luck, buddy.

 

[looseliam]

When it's the two of you, look at him and say, "Keep this between us, but I want you to know, I'm gay."

Leave it at that. If he is into guys and wants to share, he will.

Leave the "i like u" stuff for later.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Can you get him to sleep over? If you can, then you can watch movies and go to bed together. See if anything happens there. Don't molest him while he's a sleep, but you can get up next to him and feel around before you go to sleep and see what happens.

 

[Horschallen]

Ask him to join you on an out of town trip to see a game, a show or something that you both like and stay overnight at a hotel. It will be a good way to find out where your relationship goes. That is the quality time I mean... away from familiar people and places... just the two of you for more than 24 hours, several meals, sleep in, leave bathroom door open when peeing, shaving and showering, etc. and maybe have some drinks together as well.

 

[yesplease]

Thanks alot guys for the advice so far, you've all really pointed me in the right direction!

I'll be sure to keep you guys updated, I'll probably have more questions in the future, too.

Thanks again for the great help

 

[looseliam]

*sigh*

To be young and in love again.

Good luck!

 

[hotlatinchulo348]

When it's the two of you, look at him and say, "Keep this between us, but I want you to know, I'm gay."

Leave it at that. If he is into guys and wants to share, he will.

Leave the "i like u" stuff for later.

I totally agree with this route, I mean this is what I would do.

 

[KaraBulut]

When it's the two of you, look at him and say, "Keep this between us, but I want you to know, I'm gay."

Leave it at that. If he is into guys and wants to share, he will.

Leave the "i like u" stuff for later.

I totally agree with this route, I mean this is what I would do.

^^^^And a third "yes" on this approach.

There's a difference between a "bromance" and a hot guy that you want to have sex with.

There are guys that like guys. They feel they can let their guard down and be themselves when they are in the company of male friends. They also feel like they can have a relaxed, frank conversation with a guy because guys speak the same language and understand each other.

But liking guys and liking dick are very different things.

Given what you've told us, it sounds like your friend is a guy's guy. He's very comfortable with you. He probably has an idea that you're gay or bi, especially if he has a brother who is bi. But if he wanted more, he probably would have told you by now.

The question for you is whether you're ready to come out to him. If you are, then looseliam's advice fits the situation perfectly.

 

[FootballMuscle]

I was in a similar situation. It was a good looking football type and we got along really well. Finally, I bit the bullet and told him I was gay. How did he take it? Actually, very well. We slept with each other that night, and he's still my bf (that was about a year ago). He had no idea I was gay until I told him, even though I was tying to drop hints in my lame, fumbly ways. He later admitted he thought I liked girls but really wanted me to be gay.

So take this first step: tell him you're gay. Chances are, he already knows. But then let him take the next step. Play it by ear and be patient; you've got time.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, just appreciate the friendship you have with him. A lot of gay guys don't have such cool jocks within short distance.

PM me if you want to talk about it more. I'm here for you.