How to be more playful?

[Stitch627]

I was away, in NYC, for 2 years. During that time, I started to explore my gay side. I made gay friends, went out with them, hooked up with some guys, came out to a couple of friends there and even went to talk to a shrink.

Now, I’m back in France. I must admit I was kind of worried about coming back because I knew I would have to start it all over again. In particular, how to make gay friends? But, it‘s been surprisingly easy. Indeed, a gay guy I met in NYC also moved back to Paris. We met up and he introduced me to his friends. I have started to hang out with this group. And that’s really cool. Also, I came out to my best girlfriend.

So, as you can see, I am moving forward, little by little. Yet, I remain a bit frustrated. I still haven’t talked to my sister and parents. Then, I feel more at ease, it’s true… but I’d like to be more confident, less uptight, less shy, more playful. For example, yesterday night, we went to this big party, and I know some guys were checking me out (a friend of mine even told me so), and some of them were kinda cute actually, but I don’t know, I don’t do anything (neither did they you could say). Afterwards I feel like it’s too bad, and I’m kinda mad at myself. It could have been nice to talk with them, maybe dance, play a bit, have some fun. Another time, I was in a bar and a guy came up to me asking if he could buy me a drink. I declined the offer, I’m such a fool. My official excuse was that I had way too much to drink at that point, which was true, but the actual truth was that I was too shy and uptight. I regret it now. I should have said yes, I could have taken just a juice, and he was cute… The thing also is that I think I am a bit ashamed of not having much experience, at least less than the other guys. I feel like a newbie when everyone has been dating and hooking up for ages.

So my point is (after this super long blahblah) I would like to be a bit more extroverted in this kind of situations, and it isn’t easy. I’d then be willing to get any advice from you guys.

 

[JetSetJake]

You're certainly not alone in feeling this way. There are many others in a similar position or who have experienced this at some point.

Unfortunately I can't offer any advice - mainly because I often find myself in the same situation - but I just wanted to offer a little support by way of solidarity.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Another time, I was in a bar and a guy came up to me asking if he could buy me a drink. I declined the offer, I’m such a fool. My official excuse was that I had way too much to drink at that point, which was true, but the actual truth was that I was too shy and uptight. I regret it now. I should have said yes, I could have taken just a juice, and he was cute… The thing also is that I think I am a bit ashamed of not having much experience, at least less than the other guys. I feel like a newbie when everyone has been dating and hooking up for ages..

Well, then next time when someone offers you a drink, and if you've had a lot already, just decline but keep talking and don't shy away. It's funny because when I've had a few drinks, I get less uninhibited...it seems when you've had a couple you seem to get more? Take it as an experience, and next time, just go with the flow. Maybe breathe and then talk ?

And as for being ashamed, don't be! Don't assume that everyone else has been dating and hooking up for ages. Some people hook up once in a while, while others never. Some are always dating someone, and some don't date a lot. Don't feel like you're the only one who's new to it. Be confident about yourself. If people are buying you drinks, then hell are you lucky! Think about these positive things, and focus on them more. Confidence!

 

[G-Lexington]

I've found it helps to focus more on these other people. The more attention I give them, the less I have for myself and my feelings of shyness. What I do is try to...well, sketch the person in my head. Imagine I have to tell somebody about this new person - either a friend, or as a reporter or detective or something. I need to try to describe this person as well as possible. So I try to learn more about him. I start asking questions, and pay attention to the answers. Not just what they say, but what they don't say, how they say it, and how they hold themselves while they say it. Doing this is usually enough to keep me from feeling overly shy.

Lex

 

[Stitch627]

It's funny because when I've had a few drinks, I get less uninhibited...it seems when you've had a couple you seem to get more?

Well... I wouldn't say that. I don't get more inhibited. When I have a few drinks I get less inhibited for sure, but maybe not on everything, at least not always.

Thanks for the support

 

[mbamike]

Think of answers you would liked to give if these situations arise again. Write them down and memorize them. Then when a cute guy approach you, you will have a good reply. Once you have taken that first step, just be yourself and talk with the guy. He already thinks you are hot; otherwise, he would not have approached you.

 

[texan_slant]

A lot of us are in the same boat!

I'm out, but not extroverted unless I 'm with my circle of friends;
I know nobody gay;

I've traveled to cities on my own, and can't get the nerve up to start chatting with someone;

I've been to gay dance clubs in which I sensed that eyes were on me, yet, I ignore it all - and dance - of course.

Considering you've been to NYC and back, it IS like starting over. Think about it this way - you've done it before (in New York), so this isn't new to you, just give it some time and don't be hard on yourself. I am sure that you will be ready when you will be.

 

[slnattak]

It's better to just be yourself honestly. Some people happen to be attracted to introverted and uptight guys.

I can fall hard for introverted and uptight guys. I myself am introverted and uptight. I just think that introverted and uptight men take longer to grow on people. People judge them negatively too quickly, and they need to grow on you. I can find other quiet men (I am pretty laid back myself) 'boring' at first but after being around them awhile, I can find them fascinating. Guys who talk too much get old fast, trust me. Extroverted, outgoing playful guys are easy to like but they lose steam after while. The other personality type is the opposite. I'd rather 'grow on people' and have people 'grow on me.'

If you're not a playful person, don't try to be. If you are serious, reserved, uptight and introverted- some of us find that sexy! Don't change yourself just to please the retarded, dumb, stupid masses who get easily amused at the little bit of external activity. They're quite dull. If you are an introspective writer who hates the world, then own it. It's better to just be honest. You don't have to change for anybody.

 

[Stitch627]

Well... I mean, for sure, I'm not the most extroverted guy in the world. But I'm not that introverted and uptight either. When I'm with friends, I'm at ease, it's ok. I'm just not really comfortable with the whole flirting thing, in particular with guys I don't know.