How to come out to best friends?

[Fucker29]

I too haven't come out yet but I will soon. I've read a lot of people here talking about their coming out experiences and there appears to be many ways to do that. There's been people who just wrote a latter, some wrote an email and sent it to their friends, some were through the phone, some in person...it depends.

 

[vamp]

I was dropping hints to my best friends a couple of weeks before I actually did it. When i finally came out to him, I up front and honest about it. You can read all about this one at:
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143131

Anyways, as for the others, I just came out on myspace and let my friends see it for themselves. You may want to do it differently than I did, and that's okay. Just do it in whatever way you feel most comfortable with.

 

[USEDCAR]

All my male friends new i was gay when i started hitting on them

 

[Twistedup]

myspace seems too easy...i've been working it slowly, and have told 5 or 6 people over the past few weeks. i've found that the way i feel most comfortable is by being pretending like i came out a long time ago. really, most of my best friends have had it figured out for a while.

when i told my ex-girlfriend of like two years she was like 'no shit. i wondered why you never put out unless you were drunk, and i always figured this was probably it.' then she said that a couple of my pals had told her already anyway...pals who i had said nothing to. i think they were just trying to get with her but whatever. the point is that i am in no way an effeminate dude and for most of my life i always had a foxy girl around...but my close friends had figured it out anyway and were just cool enough not to call me out on it.

when i was like 9 i was sitting with my sister watching tv and they showed a picture of richard nixon as a teenager and she was like 'man he was cute' and i said 'yeah!' and she just looked at me funny. when i told her in an email she said she never had a doubt since that day...

anyway yeah the closest people to me already seemed to have it figured out.

sorry bout the lack of advice...i'll get better at this.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to the posting side of JUB!

If you're older than twenty, say, and you're quite sure your friends won't mind, then the best technique is this - just assume they already know. So pretend that "awkward coming out" speech took place, and just start dealing with them like they've already processed that information.

At that point, you can say things like "Funny story - I was at (local gay bar) last weekend..." or "I'll admit, I do want to see (movie), but only because (actor) is in it, and I've always thought he was kinda good-looking". Chances are, they'll all just take it in stride. If someone does go, "Wait - you're GAY?!", treat it like someone saying "Wait - you've got a BROTHER?!" "Uh, yeah - I thought you knew that."

Lex

 

[timesquare101]

3 of my closest friends (all male, 2 gay, 1 straight), I told in person when I was alone with them.

My other good friends, I sent a private message through Facebook with a heartfelt letter. They all replied with the most beautiful, encouraging msgs - I'm REALLY happy with how it went. It was the easiest way cause I don't get to see alot of then on a regular basis, and as you said, it's sometimes hard to find THAT perfect moment when with them in person.

I also changed my Facebook status, so if anyone happens to see it, they know. But to only change your status, but not send a proper personal message to the friends most important to you, would be a bit wrong.

 

[hummer7979]

Welcome to the posting side of JUB!

If you're older than twenty, say, and you're quite sure your friends won't mind, then the best technique is this - just assume they already know. So pretend that "awkward coming out" speech took place, and just start dealing with them like they've already processed that information.

At that point, you can say things like "Funny story - I was at (local gay bar) last weekend..." or "I'll admit, I do want to see (movie), but only because (actor) is in it, and I've always thought he was kinda good-looking". Chances are, they'll all just take it in stride. If someone does go, "Wait - you're GAY?!", treat it like someone saying "Wait - you've got a BROTHER?!" "Uh, yeah - I thought you knew that."

Lex

That's basically how I approach it too. It's really only a big deal if you make it a big deal, and gathering the guts to give a long speech with "you might not know this..", "I've known it since...", "It's not really a big deal..", "I'm sorry if I betrayed your trust..", "I understand if you don't want to be my friend..." etc. etc. only makes it seem like a huge deal.

To the OP:

I remember when I first came out to one of my friends, it was kind of awkward. My friend and I were drunk and talking about one of our other friends and I was telling him how when our other friend was drunk, he would very obviously hit on me. And then I sort of worked up the guts to tell him I liked guys via that topic. I rambled a lot after that because coming out can feel like opening a flood gate of things that you've wanted to say aloud. My friend didn't make a deal of it, though he was probably afraid that I told him because I was attracted to him (he's straight), which I'm not. It wasn't open arms of love and celebration, which is ok because that's not what I wanted.

Anyway, he wasn't the most gay-friendly of all my friends, but I decided to tell him because he was the friend who otherwise knew me the best, and that's who I wanted to tell -- someone to knew me well enough to not completely change their opinion of me after the revelation. And it worked. We're still really good friends and nothing has changed aside from him occasionally asking me about gay things.

I'm not sure if that helps at all, but at least you can always count on people here to understand how you're feeling.

 

[hummer7979]

I'd like to also mention, slightly off-topically, that in my experience, straight men become a lot less homophobic when they realize that one of their friends is actually gay (assuming of course, you don't become enemies and he becomes more homophobic, which could happen I suppose). It's as though you may be the first gay person that they've really known personally, so you can single-handedly curb their exaggerated assumptions. It also gives them a reason to reject bigotry without fearing the backlash of being assumed gay (as silly and childish as that may sound).