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how to come out to him? please help

A

alex1226

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i know everyone is probably tired of reading these kinds of questions, but i searched all over the internet and nothing is really helping. please help me.

i think i might be bisexual, and i want to talk to my best friend about my sexuality. im a guy (duh) and my best friend is a guy, and i think i might be bisexual. ive had relationships with girls my whole life and never thought about being with a guy until recently. the only problem is, i think im bisexual because of my same best friend. i really cant trust anyone else to talk about this kind of thing with, only him. but im scared if he asks why i think im bisexual, i really have no other honest reason other than him and i dont want to freak him out. other people that me and him are friends with mostly all think hes gay, hes never had a girlfriend and he never answers people when they ask if hes gay and stuff like that. but im not sure about him. i want to explore my sexuality to see if i really like guys or if its just a phase, and i guess i want to do it with my best friend. but im really scared of losing him altogether. i have no idea what to do, someone help?
 
Welcome to JUB! :wave:

He's your best friend. Best friends are supposed to be able to talk about things. ANY things.

Do separate it into two things, and tackle them separately. First thing first - you think you're bisexual. So tell him that. Just get him alone, and say you want to talk about something that's been on your mind. "The more I think about it, the more I think I'm actually bisexual. I've been finding guys attractive, and the idea of fooling around with them is...well, it's kinda fun." Note that last part. Accurate but vague. :)

This will be his signal. If he's gay or bisexual too, he now knows he can come out to you, and not be judgmental about it. He might not do it right away. If he doesn't, don't press the issue. Just thank him for listening, and thank him for being a kick-ass friend.

If your friend wants details - who do you find attractive - wave it away. "Aw, I'd rather not get into that. I don't need you explaining why they're not that hot. Besides, what do you know about hot guys?" (Note how this puts the ball back in HIS court.)

It may be he isn't gay. Or not intersted in you "like that". And if so, you're going to have to accept that.

Lex
 
welcome alex!

this is highly ironic because the guy i like is named Alex LOL and i consider him my best guy friend hahah
so basically if i were u jst tell him wen i came out to alex he was okay with it and got used to it i dno if hes gay or bi or anythign but he does like a girl so i guess tht boat has sailed. But its not to late for u
Muster up the courage!
and do it over the phone or in person...msn is a regrettable tool for coming out
 
thanks guys! this helped alot. but i have no idea how to even like start the conversation with him. what g-lexington said is just like really forward to me i feel like i cant say that lol. any suggestions on how to start the conversation?
 
It's not ideal, but you might try writing him a short note, and just handing it to him. THen you don't have to work up the courage to say anything, and you can make sure everything you want to say (and nothing you DON'T want to say) is in the note.

Lex
 
well alex
if you want to talk to him about it
take it step by step

start with these options:

* "I need to talk to you about something." (privately adress him and get to the point)
* "Anyone you got your eye on lately?" (something to this effect gets relationship convo started)
* "Do you ever feel like life is more complicated then it seems..?" (start a conversation about philosophy, get his opinion on things and attempt to decipher more if your unsure)
* "Do you trust me?" if Yes "Are you gay?"
- if hesitation "cuz i think i might be bi"
- if NO say "just curious"
- if Yes say "i think im bisexual"
(this is much more upfront but extremely direct, simple and quick.)
*"I think I'm Bi.." (very very straight forward but risky)

hope that helps! good luck

p.s: sometimes the conversation just spurs out. Note these times and if its appropriate go straight forward and say something. Even if it takes a few times or the conversation continues to get deeper. Dont practice saying things... that never works.
 
Just bring up a gay issue and see how he reacts to it and if he looks like gay people doesn't bother him then tell him your bisexual.
 
bw92116 said:
Coming out Instructions

1. Wait until they ask you.
2. Answer, "Yes."
3. Move on to the next topic.
Click to expand...

this did work for me, and it does work if ur willing to come out, but it also relies on the feelings of others. A lot of my friends now tell me they knew all along, but never would have asked.
If i think a guy is gay/bi i wont ask him...maybe thts because the guy i WOULD ask i feel is too fragile to hear that thats my suspicion.
I suggest u come out to him...if he doesnt respond, you'll know hes not interested. If he has the same afftection for you, he will come out to you...but hey somebody's gotta speak first.
 
wow thanks for all the responses i thought no one else was gunna respond to this lol. well i invited him to come over this weekend so we'll see what happens. hopefully its something good
 
Good luck and let us know what happens! ..|
 
eh, i dont think he would take a note seriously though. like no offense to anyone here, but me and him have been saying that we were gay for a while now but just joking around to mess with peoples minds lol... and i know that sounds really bad, but thats why he wouldnt take a note seriously, and its also why im so scared to actually tell him about what im thinking cause im scared that he'll think im joking. and i regret doing that crap now cause its probly gunna come back and bite me in the ass.
 
yea, thats true... ugh i really hope this works out. hes coming over saturday night and might stay over till sunday. wish me luck
 
Tell him you got something really important to get off your chest, you want to talk to someone and he's such a good friend that you want to tell him because you trust him. Please update us.
 
>>>well hes here now and we're just chilling... idk what to do

STOP TALKING TO US, AND START TALKING TO HIM!

Lex
 
well i tried bringing up the subject soo many times but i just couldnt bring myself to say it. im so scared of his reaction. but i went on his laptop after he fell asleep (i know snooping is bad but i had to look...) and i found a million gay porn sites in his recently visited pages thing. so at least i know hes interested in guys. and i typed a note to him on his laptop and i basically said "ive been thinking about guys lately and i guess you have been too and i think i might be bi but i cant bring myself to say it to you so if u read this please just let me know" or something to that effect. and this morning i saw him go on his laptop and i left the note open on the screen so i know he read it, but he didnt say anything to me about it. i feel like i dug myself into a hole now, but what does everyone think?
 
wow i never thought of it like that. and your 100% right, i really should just tell him now. i dont get why im so scared about this, cause everything else i do i usually never even think about it i just do it and im known as the crazy guy thats down for pretty much anything. i couldnt figure out why i couldnt just bring myself to tell him, but i think thats why. but i did leave the note, and it does kind of bother me that he didnt say anything about it. i know it was bad to snoop and he obviously knows i did, but he didnt seem mad at all. ugh i need to just get this off my chest NOW.
 
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