How to Deal With Brother's Psycho GF

[thephoenix]

Hey guys,

Just wanted to run a quandary by you all because I'm in need of some advice. My brother has been dating a girl for nearly three years. No one in our family likes her. She is short, at times rude, and when she deigns to talk to us, it is in a condescending tone. Her entire demeanor is that she does not want to be bothered to deal with any of us. Overall she acts like she's better than us.

That can be tolerated except she treats my brother like dirt, and he takes it. She calls him lazy, stupid, and other names. If he does something she doesn't like she stops in her tracks and says "Say you're sorry" and she repeats that until he says so. Then she says, "yeah I know you are." She calls his phone all the time to see where he is and who he's with. If she doesn't believe that he is with who he says, he has to bring that person to where she is so she can be sure. She gets mad if he goes any where with me or our parents and he doesn't ask her first. She's usually invited, but if she doesn't want to go, he can't either. Everything is on her terms or it's hell to pay. She is manipulative and overall unstable. Her mom threw her out of their house (can't imagine why) and so she lived with us a while. She wouldn't leave my brother's bedroom except to shower (for almost 2 hours twice a day). She wouldn't join us for dinner or let him. They had to eat in his room and he had to get her food or cook her food specially if she didn't want what I or my mom cooked. Then he would have to take her dishes back and wash them. She made him wash her clothes, bring her her drinks, etc. He worked full time just like her, but when she got home she wanted him to this and that for her or go places and do whatever instead of maybe watching tv. If he didn't want to go she raised hell and called him lazy. He wasn't allowed to use the computer and on the weekends if she wanted to lay around he had to as well, even if he had to work, he'd need to call in sick. She didn't do her own laundry, my brother did it to her exact specifications or else. While she was staying with us she never once offered to pitch in with bills as our water and electricity bills doubled and almost tripled. Even I have to pay my way living with my parents.

My brother isn't allowed to talk to other girls. If his phone is moved from a spot she previously saw it she bitches at him because it was moved which means it must have been used. If a group of us go to the movies or something and invite them along and she out of character let's them go, she sulks the whole time. She won't try to have a conversation or good time with anyone. She got mad one time because my brother talked to me more than her. She hates for his attention to be divided from her even for family. She especially does not like females to be around even our sister.

My dumbass brother built a house with her, and she and her dad signed on the loan, so she reminds him the house is hers. Except it's on our family land. Nothing in the house is his. Everything is hers. We don't even feel welcome to visit because she sulls up and complains about being tired. And when she goes to bed my brother has to go to bed. He's not allowed to stay up and watch tv or anything. and he's not allowed to watch anything that might have nudity. Well, my brother joined the marines, and that pissed her off royally. He recently shipped off to boot camp and had to be medicated so that she would stop sitting and crying all the time. She got mad at us because the marine corps had him call us when he arrived to his training facility safely rather than her.

My brother's life is a living hell, and he puts up with it. He says he loves her and feels sorry for her, but he's getting tired of it. He's being medically discharged and will be returning home in a couple of weeks to who knows what hell.

Here's my deal. It pisses me off when she belittles him in front of people. In the past I've nicely asked her to not be rude to him, but he caught hell because I "disrespected" her. Our family, friends of my brother, we can't do or say certain things because she'll be mad. I can't have certain visitors because it will cause her to give my brother grief. She doesn't like him to be around some of my friend (who happen to girls). I'm getting SICK of being told by my parents and my brother not to say this and not to say that and that so and so can't come over because it'll make this girl mad. I'm tired of walking on eggshells in my own home to protect the psyche of an unstable psychopath. I've refrained just plain kicking her ass because my brother asked me to. Our parents don't want anything said out of the way to save peace for my brother.

I think it is absolutely RIDICULOUS that our lives are being dictated by this stupid girl and have had my fill of it. I refuse to partcipate any further. I think I have every right to see whomever I choose. I think it is my God given right to defend my brother when this skank calls him names and hits him. But my mom and dad say to keep my mouth closed and don't step out of line and maybe my brother will get tired of it.

What's the right thing to do? Not see certain people because this girl doesn't want them around, not say anything when she raises hell to my brother for nothing, stop asking my brother places because it makes her mad and she won't let him go anyway?

What I really want to do is go straight to the ghetto with her ass and let her go toe to toe with someone who won't take her shit and show her what a man can do if she wants to put herself in a man's place. But more rationally, I don't feel like we need to deviate our lives to suit her.

I honestly want to say and invite whoever I want and tell her if I hear of her giving my brother grief over it, there's gonna be a problem. I don't think we need to keep sitting around pretending what she is doing is okay. It's wrong. As it stands, I don't even want to be around my brother and rest of the family. If this continues I'm done. They all can kiss her excellancy's ass.

Any advice? Opinions? Dealt with anything similar?

 

[Jory]

Let me get this right she living at your parent house and making the rules? I say your parents should throw her out like here parents did. As for your brother get a camcorder and try to video her for a day without her knowing then show your brother he might see her in a different light

 

[thephoenix]

Let me get this right she living at your parent house and making the rules? I say your parents should throw her out like here parents did. As for your brother get a camcorder and try to video her for a day without her knowing then show your brother he might see her in a different light

Well they've moved out into their own home, but her evil spectre still permeates our lives

 

[FLGG2007]

She's a pathetic person. Oh, yeah, she's got psycho issues, for certain. Someone needs to tell her that she's a waste of good skin, and breathing good air.

 

[Horschallen]

The family can always team up and talk to your brother about all the issues with her and then team up again and tell her to get the hell out of everyone's lives. Talk is all you need and proceed to settle on property by insisting on selling it, rather than letting her continue to live there. Or buy back the property, the house, etc... yea, she will have the money but she will be away.

 

[andy12]

My dumbass brother built a house with her, and she and her dad signed on the loan, so she reminds him the house is hers. Except it's on our family land.

Moat time!

 

[G-Lexington]

How do you deal with her? Simple - you don't. He's chosen to stick with this woman, for whatever reason. So just tell your brother you don't like her much, and so won't be dealing with her in the future. And then...don't. And if that means no brother time, so be it.

Lex

 

[Seasoned]

Just because your brother, mother and father are wimps, doesn't mean you have to be.

 

[chatolandia]

I avoided my brother's ex-wife for about 5 years

I saw my brother whenever he could get away from that person, and that was it...


whenever I was with her, I was polite, but cold


and so was my mom, and my dad...


eventually my brother divorced her.


Honestly, it's your brother's choice to do what he wants...

if he is abused, you can talk to him about being the victim of domestic abuse (it's not just women), but stay away from her and from their relationship...

it's not yours.


I know it's frustrating, but it's his choice, and he is an adult.

 

[FabFairy]

You brother should dump the bitch and kick her out. Regardless of who signed the loan agreement it doesn't make the house and land her property. If it comes to an arguement about it it will come back to who has paid for and the value of the land is a good deposit on his part. He will need to work out an agreement with his parents to cover your butt. And make sure your brother keeps all receipts and balances of all money he has paid or at least copies of them. make sure there is a trail that is easy followed if you can.

 

[Críostóir]

I wrote this whole comment recommending that you just throw her out of the house - bodily - when she speaks to your mother in a contemptuous tone and so on, but that's not going to help in this situation.

You do NOT have to let her come to your house while your brother is away. I assume you don't allow that. If she has keys, change the locks. Tell your mother that you're DONE "going along to get along," and that you have no intention of letting this bitch ruin your brother's life.

This bitch is taking advantage of your brother's weakness. Hardly anyone would stand by and let his sister be abused this way by a man; why should you let your brother be abused by a woman? And remember, verbal abuse in public == physical abuse in private...and you've seen her hit him in public!

Risky choice: If you see her hit your brother (on medical discharge from the Marines, fercrissakes!), tell her that if she hits your brother again, YOU will hit HER. Make sure your brother hears you say it. You will then have a fight with your brother; keep saying "if a man were treating our sister that way, what would you say to him?" and "well, it may be OK with you, but it's not OK with me."

Like I said, that's risky. It could give your brother some clarity or make him dig in his heels. Just an idea.

But your first priority has to be keeping her from ruining YOUR life. G-Lex speaks wisdom on that topic.

 

[Críostóir]

*evil voice: "Nice house you got there, missy. SHAME if anything should happen to it."*

 

[backpacker]

You can't control what you brother does and how he chooses to live his life. You can control your life and how you interact with her. Why should you care how she treats your brother if you don't go along with her way? Your brother doesn't care how you or the rest of your family is treated. He let's her treat with with no respect and doesn't say a word about it.

Talk to your brother. Tell him all the issues you have with his her. Tell him that you are no longer going to tolerate her behavior and you will treat her with as much respect as she shows you. Also tell your brother he is in an abusive relationship and he really should get some help. Tell him he will have your full support whenever he decides to help himself.

 

[blogthissucker]

Your thread is interesting because this girl actually sounds like a psychopath. Usually people will say 'this girl is crazy' because she does something like insist on having the toilet seat down, but this girl sounds like the most controlling freak I've ever heard of.

I'm probably not a good person to suggest ways of dealing with her, but....
-I think that you and your family should treat her however you feel like she deserves to be treated. If she starts being a bitch to your brother, then maybe he'll start to like her less
-It sounds like your brother already recognizes that she's not the world's nicest person but feels like it's his duty to date her because he 'feels sorry for her'. That is a horrible, horrible reason to date anyone. You should remind him that it's never someone's job to ruin their life to satisfy someone else and he definitely has no duty to date her.
-If she's still living in your house, your parents have a right to dictate rules to her.
-It might sound a bit like ditching, but don't forget that you can move out

I just had another idea which might be good or bad (if anyone wants to speak to this idea please feel free): Next time your brother tries to defend her, or pulls the "come on, just be nice it will be easier for me" ... get mad at him. Tell him he's being a wimp and if he's going to try and tell you to live by her rules than he's just as bad as she is. I'm not sure if this is a good idea, because the two possible outcomes i can see are (1) he get attacked from all sides and realizes that it's because of her or (2) he gets attacked from all sides and convinces himself that you guys are in the wrong

ALSO i think you need to clarfiy this sentence: "He recently shipped off to boot camp and had to be medicated so that she would stop sitting and crying all the time". Who was taking the meds, him or her? If him... it sounds like he needs some emotional support. He probably thinks that he's getting that from her but... well who knows, I'm no freud.

 

[KaraBulut]

The problem is not the girl.

The problem is the brother.

You will never be able to change this girl's behavior.

So, the question becomes, "What will it take for your brother to learn, to grow a pair and to get out of this toxic relationship?".

 

[Blueboy369]

Ignore the Bitch. If she says one nasty word to you, be nasty back. If your bro wants to put up with that cunt, it's his life. Let him learn his own lessons. You can't control anyone but yourself so let the bitch have it when she gets on your nerves.

 

[forgottendream]

Most likely this girl is beyond help, she is never going to even understand how she comes off to others if she hasn't already. She is controlling, manipulative, possibly with some mental issues. He would be better of to simply get her out of his life, I mean if he is signing up in the Marines just to get away from her....

 

[supergurl]

How old is your brother and this Gf? bc somebody needs to slap some sense into him ass! and about her well....I think a lot of it is your fault and your parents....you SHOULD HAVE NOT put up with it the first time!!!! I mean the VERY first time you should have shut her down........fast! and every time after that...EVERY TIME!!!!!! If you had done that then she would have known better!!!!!!!!

I have 2 older sisters and if any man treated them the way she treats your brother(hitting, verbal abuse) hmm....it would get UGLY! and if not from me then from my mama! Bc she don't play that shit!!!! I don't even talk back to her!

If I were you, I would try talking to him first and if that didn't go anywhere I would get some of those "abusive relationship Pamphlets". I think they have them at the health department. get a lot and every time you see him give him one! That is what i would do!

 

[Lalada]

Emotional extortion, is what I call it. She has your brother convinced he's in a hostage situation.

Since simply laying into her is redundant, there's little chance she'll ever change, you have to intervene with your brother.

It's your brother who's being abused here, and he doesn't deserve it. So gather your family about you and intervene, your brother is the victim of abuse and he needs help because he is so convinced he is helpless.

For her... we shouldn't pose threats as solutions, but she needs an intervention too.

She'll explode, claim to be the victim, yada yada, and there is a chance she'll get vengeful, but it's for the best that EVERYBODY knows how EVERYBODY feels about her and your brother's relationship.

It's not right, and more than just years can be lost to this...

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Check with an attorney, because if she built a house on land she doesn't own, she needs to be paying RENT for the land usage. Your parents can enforce that with or without brother.

I think everyone should sit down with this girl and the brother have an intervention. Explain the rules. 1) You can treat the brother however you want in your house, but when you are in our house and around us, you will treat EVERYONE with respect.

You need to explain to the brother that you believe he's in an unhealthy relationship and that they need counseling.

After this, you and your parents should set the rules for their visits in their house and stick to it - your brother and gf can chose to visit or NOT.

Finally, I would pursue this land deal - somethings fishy there.