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How to deal with mixed signals

CoolguyAT

CoolguyAT

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Okay, if anyone has any good pointers on how to handle mixed signals please tell me because it's driving me up the wall. I've been with friends with this guy in town for about three months now. We hit it off and I got the sense we were both really attracted to each other.

The first few weeks he seemed really interested as did I and then it kind of tapered off before it picked up again and we started flirting back and forth through texting and him calling me "babe"....he ended up going out of town alot in late October for business so we just didn't get to see each other as much but he has been staying in Charlottesville most of November. I had been asking him over to my place for dinner numerous times and he always had an excuse. So anyway I told him a couple of weeks ago through e-mail that I really like him, more than friends. He told me he was flattered but never gave me a clear answer on whether he felt the same way about me. All he said was that he wasn't sure if he was looking for a relationship right now so wouldn't promise anything.

So we've seen each other since a few times and he's even called me babe a few times both in person and through texting. This weekend I again invited him for dinner and he made an excuse and then when I saw him Saturday night at a local bar he said two words to me, compared to Friday when he chatted with me for awhile.

I've also noticed that he'll chat with me in the bar and then say "I'll be right back" and then he'll go off and chit chat with his friends. I get ready to go and tell him bye and he hugs me and gives me a kiss.

I guess my big thing is why would he continue to call me babe, kiss me, and say it was good to see me yet the next night he'll barely say two words to me and pretty much ignore me? Most important, i've let him know how I feel about him and after Saturday night I e-mailed him again saying that I would like for us to sit down and talk about it and to address these mixed signals that i'm getting, I even told him maybe we could meet, have a drink and then take a walk on the downtown pedestrian mall instead of meeting at my place or his.....he has yet to answer any of those e-mails i've sent him this weekend. If he doesn't like me or feel the same way I completely understand and will accept it, however I still think that he should be a man and give me an honest answer, that's all I want so that we can decide what to do next. It also doesn't help that i've pretty much fallen for him.

Any words or advice?
 
He's just not that into you---if he were, you would be getting his attention and right now you are not---I would try to move on if I were you. I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself.
 
alley said:
He's just not that into you---if he were, you would be getting his attention and right now you are not---I would try to move on if I were you. I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself.
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Thanks, friends and family have said the same thing....move on, but I just find it so hard to do. I really do love the man and I would still like for us to be friends even if he doesn't feel the same way about me. I still don't know why he would call me babe or kiss me if he wasn't interested in me.
 
Many guys are just like that--they kiss and call everyone babe--I had the same problem with a few guys I first met when I came out.
 
bw92116 said:
How would a MAN handle this?
He would say, "Fuck off, dude. You had your chance with me."
And walk away. And move on. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that? Or is that how you actually want to be treated? Why do you love someone who doesn't love you? Be a man. Tell him to fuck off, to his face, and walk away for Christ's sake. Stand up for yourself. You'll feel so much better. Find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated.
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No, it's not at all how I want to be treated, I guess its the hopeless romantic in me that still thinks he'll come around and we'll have that connection again, but I do get your point and what your saying makes a lot of sense and I do appreciate you being so blunt about it.
 
Thanks for the advice.....but seeing as though Charlottesville is not that big and the fact that there is really only one gay bar in town we are bound to run into each other again. I honestly don't feel that just because it didn't work out that I should avoid the place, especially since I have other friends there, maybe for a little while but not forever.
 
I have to agree with most of the other posters. You are trying to make something happen that simply isn't going to happen. Those are not mixed signals you are getting. He's not interested and he's also too socially unskilled to say so. Stop wasting your time on him. He will just "babe" you forever and a kiss can be a cowards way out. Move on. You deserve better.
 
Thanks again guys.....you all have gave me some great advice and knocked some sense into me. It's bed time here in Virginia so i'm going to call it a night and will probably check back but will also be thinking on what to do next.

I am though starting to accept what everyone has been telling me all along....that he's not interested.
 
It's been an emotional roller coaster the past couple of days, he did e-mail me and told me that because of his job (he is a GM at a local auto dealership) and the state of the auto industry that he had to go on an emergency business trip to Atlanta, which he said is the reason he didn't reply to any of my e-mails/messages. I believe him but I also now know that with his situation a relationship is going to be the last thing on his mind. I've talked with some of his friends and they all said he just doesn't date, never has, and they were all doubtful he ever will. I told him that I thought that but I didn't want to accept it and thought if I kept pushing and trying he would be open to dating me.

As hard as it will be i'm going to move on but I needed to know for sure that it was something that would never happen before I could begin the process, he's never going to tell me that he doesn't want a relationship because I know he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I'll always care about him (just as i've had with some past men) but you all are right, if he doesn't want the same thing then it's time for me to accept it, move on and hopefully be a good friend in time.

I'm also going to visit a very good friend of mine in Washington DC Saturday and Sunday to get my mind off of him. It will be good to get out of Charlottesville, even if it's just for a couple of days. I'll also be going to N.C. for Thanksgiving so that will be more time away from here.
 
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