How to erase a deceptive, no dignity piece of shit out of your mind?

[goodbyemountainman]

So I was fooled. In a most painful way. It has been only few days since I just realized that I got involved to the most disgusting kind of human being and I still got shiver thinking about it. And here's my story:

So after sad years living abroad like a loser, I came home, thinking maybe it would be better here. Yes, I'm in the closet- so do most of gay guy in my home country. But at least I can find someone in a same shoe to connect with. And I thought I did when I saw him on a local gay dating site. Yes, he was handsome, sweet and have passion with photographing like me. And we live close to each other. I made the first move and ask him out. Long story short, we became very close. And one day on a journal to capture beautiful pictures, we had sex. 23 years of my life, I have never been so connected with someone that way. I thought: "Well this is love then?" That feeling was confirmed when he text me with the most sugar-y, sweet and "crazy-about-you" message. I was trying to play coy but I finally fell for his trap after all of those words. One day he asked me if he can borrow my DSLR because he lent his to his cousin. Oh, and it was for his uncle's funeral. Like an idiot I was, I gave it to him without thinking about the consequence that I'm suffering right now.

My parents started concerned about what I had did. And they told me to get it back. After a few texts, he told me he will give it to me on Friday night. We agreed to meet on a coffee bar. He never showed up. Never answered his phone (I think he blocked my number) I waited for 2.5 hours. Then I had to come home.

After series of text and unsuccessful calls, I got his message:

"Listen carefully. You will never find me. All the information about me on the internet is fake. If you ever seen me again, pretend we don't know each other. If you want confrontation, I suggest you reconsider it carefully. I have texts, and pics and video of our having sex. You want to see it? If you makes any move, I will send it to your family. Consider this is a lesson for you. You should thank me for this. Bye"

I felt like a sky felt into my shoulder. I got a block of chills around me. A man whom I've loved and cared has revealed himself to be a thug. And you know what is really sad? My parents warned me extremely when I first met him (of course I only told them he was a "photoholic" friend) I argued tirelessly instead of listening to them. And they are right. I was trying to grow up, and now this is a mess because of my childish thinking. How ironic, huh?

I tried to solve the problem. I asked for my camera back. He text back, saying I have to pay for it or there will be nothing else. And this number will get erased in couple days. I literally threw up. Shame, disappointed, angry. I had no choice but to confess to my parents about me being conned so deceitfully like that. I apologized to them for being stubborn and ignorant. Luckily they forgave and told me to move on. Again I owned my heart to them.

Now I decided to lose the battle, no to withdraw. I want him out of my mind. I want that disgusting asshole erase completely. I don't even want to get angry if I ever see him again. Tell me how, would ya?

 

[castoono]

^^ I had to gasp a couple times while reading this.
The only thing I can say is thank you for making us remember it's a dog eat dog world. Some of your lines touched me, and literally broke my heart.

When you go walking in the country and you sit on a beautiful place to rest, sometimes a repulsive snake comes into your way, attacks you from behind, leaving its poison in you. That's not a lesson for you. ^ That is the excuse that thugs and criminals use to feel better and try to justify their abjection. Many rapers tell women they attack: next time you'll take better care of yourself. Consider it a lesson.
But you told us, I feel warned for good, and that I consider it a true lesson. Thanks.

 

[anchihiro]

What's a DSLR?

Why don't you contact the police?

 

[castoono]

What's a DSLR?

It's a digital single lens reflex camera full of information I guess

 

[MarquisOrias]

are you in america now? if so then go to the police station and tell them the whole truth. The guy will get a criminal record for theft and possibly more due to the fact he's trying to blackmail you.

 

[racer2438]

I would still report it as stolen and the blackmail. Who know's how many other guy's he has done this and it will never stop until someone does something.

Get the info to the police, I sure you have a face pic of him and any other info give it to them.

Just arrange a meeting saying that you have the money for the camera that way police will catch him in the act. aAnd make sure you save all his text's as proof of the extortion/blackmail.

You have to put a stop to him, as he could come back anytime in your life with the pic's/vid's and start this crap all over.

Plus in the end you will feel so much better that you stood up for your self, and that will help in getting that asshole out of your mind and life..

These kind of asshole don't give up that easy they will nit pick shit out of you as long as they can. So the that bus right now...wish you luck..

 

[goodbyemountainman]

Guys, thank for the advice. I did all the things above. I tried to lure him into selling it back to me. But that fucking asshole never replied back. I guess he smells my plan- boy, does this fucker have a lot of experience. And my parents think it's lucky that I only "lost" the camera. Because it could be worse- kidnapping or something more valuable stolen. I think there are someday he will try his tricks with me again. But I won't response. He only knows my cellphone number- and that won't help him track my address. But again I'm praying to myself and other guys will never have to fall into his trap again.
I also gave his number (probably fake) to my aunt who work at police department. I hope they will be able to track him down.

Now, FYI, I'm in Vietnam- my home country right now. As some of you may not know, it's still a taboo thing to be a gay man in Asia (although not deadly like some fucked-up Arab and African or Caribbean countries) Majority of us are in the closet, includes myself. Being exposed is the ultimate fear. But I told that fucker I don't care what will he do with the pics. Because I am tired of lying to my parents. Yes, they will feel like a thousands needles pierce through their hearts. But I'm tired of running. If fate decides that I will be out in such heartbroken way, so be it. At least the pain will be over...

I don't know but write all of this down makes me feel so much better. But I still feel angry about him. I heard when you still feel angry about one person, that means you still love them. If it's true, I don't want it. I want to NOT thinking about that asshole. I want to get up, move on and continue the pursuit of happiness that I've planned.

 

[tugman]

Well I for one would find him and kick the living shit out of him. If you get arrested for it it will probably be your first time for assault and you'll get unsupervised probation. Believe me I know . If you let the piece of shit walk all over you you'll more than likely let others do the same. Stick up for yourself and whats yours. Don't be a victim. Mick

 

[MindBlast]

He sounds like a career criminal.

The police are often able to track down guys like this, because usually at some point they slip up and forget to cover some digital traces. Even proxies can be tracked with enough effort.

 

[backpacker]

The whole situation really sucks. Do what you can to catch the guy and bring him to justice. Don't dwell on it as it will only hold you back. You learned an expensive lesson, but you are now wiser. The silver lining in all this may be that you will be out of the closet and able to live your life without hiding. Good luck!

 

[tipmyscales86]

My goodness, I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Beyond fucked up. I hope you stand up for yourself and bring this degenerate to justice.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

OP, I sense your sense of self-worth as a gay man isn't what it should be, otherwise this person would probably never have hooked up with you in the first place.

This kind of person tends to smell insecurity and will instinctively latch on to other persons from whom they think they can get something.

This type thrives on secrecy, so to solve this problem you need to expose this person for what he is.
Do you have the courage?

 

[goodbyemountainman]

@Harke: What do you mean by "sense of self-worth as a gay man isn't what it should be?"
I know this asshole has taken advantage at me emotionally from the get-go. And now I have tasted the bitterness of that lesson. I think I will write a message on the local gay website that we met. At least others will know more about this troll's tricks.

I hope anyone who's about to travel to my country or Thailand and Cambodia needs to read this as warning. Be very careful with hook-up with someone online. Don't carry any valuable items with you. And don't host.

 

[blogthissucker]

Although I'm sure you're hurting, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. You could tell your parents that you're gay, but being prepared for them to find out from the blackmailer is almost as good. If you're not afraid of him telling people, he's got nothing on you.

One thing I would suggest is maybe you should contact the website you met this guy through and report this his profile. It's in their best interest to remove scammers so that the legitimate members don't get scared away. Who knows, they might even have enough evidence of what he's been doing that they contact the police themselves.

 

[goodbyemountainman]

Hey guys, just a quick update. You wouldnt believe what happened during the last 2 days since I post this.

Okay, so after calm myself down, I decided to post a thread on the website where I know that fucker. Responses came in like flood. Most of people told me that I should take this as a lesson for over-trusting people (bitter but helpful advice) Some also ask me if I want to take a vengeance. However, I didn't expect that motherfucker had the nerve to came in and mock the whole situation:

"Hey, keep it to yourself. Write down such words will make you regret how STUPID you look. Next time use sense to find real good friend. Remember, use your sense."

I was absolutely outraged. Of course I called that liar out. In the OP I was carefully not reveal his online name. But this asshole brought it to himself. Ah the joy of people cursed at his's shameless post. But that didn't stop this thug. Now he became a romantic and portrait himself as a victim: "We have lived together for 1 year. You revenge on me because I don't respond back to your love. You sent many gifts to my house that I am so scared of them....I have no more love to you anymore." And the mean time, he sent me a threat: "keep talking and there will be more interesting stuff coming." I was like: "Bitch are you delusional? I only know you for 3 months (yes, I am dumb). Where the fuck did you come up with such bullshit. I never in my entire life give you a single gift. You ain't escort and I ain't an ugly daddy." Oh, I and post the screen-snap of my desktop with his message on it.

I don't know but I feel so proud to call out that rat. I guess that fucker is just much of a talker and runner. I don't care if I get my camera back, but people throw shit at his face is enough pleasure for me.

 

[billybob109]

This is by far the most fucked up thing a human being can do. That camera is very expensive and i would get it back. Search facebook or myspace find out his name somehow and do a reverse number search if you can and pay for one. Get it back and kick the shit out him!

 

[TimT2011]

I met a guy once kind of like this. We were just friends, though, nothing romantic.

In my situation, nothing worked. Everything bounced right off of him as his whole life was set to deceive people. He also tried to turn things back on me.

I think people like this have a lot of anger built up in them and often feel they have little to loose. A dangerous combination.

My advice would be just to let him go. I think following him around on boards trying to expose him or get your camera back is risky. I assume he knows where you live, I'd be thankful all he got was your camera and take it as a life lesson that you didn't loose more. I'm sorry if that sounds bitter or callous, but I think it's for the best.

He's a loser and a thief, that's all he'll ever be. Forget him, let go of the bitterness, and focus on your future.

 

[Seasoned]

I agree that a pissing match isn't worth it. There are career criminals who prey upon others. I understand your need to be closeted in your culture, but this exposes the danger of the closet and the ease of blackmail.

You did nothing wrong. You did discover a couple of things, the most important being that your parents are there for you to help navigate a restrictive culture. Do what you can now to find some gay friends with whom you can be out. We all need sounding boards.

I'm sorry for your pain. I wish you the best wherever you live. Stay safe.

 

[pat grimshaw]

....Everything bounced right off of him as his whole life was set to deceive people. ....I think people like this have a lot of anger built up in them and often feel they have little to loose. ...

I had a failed court case with one of these types in DEcember.

I've now met two people like this-- repressed Catholics with pressure-cooker personalities.