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How to forget and move on?

FloridaBoi

FloridaBoi

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Me and my boyfriend were together 2 years and now he doesnt love me anymore and wants to just be friends and I dont know how to be just friends. I love him with all of my heart I cant sleep for thinking about him and when I sleep I dream about him and what makes it even worse hes overseas right now and I wont even be able to see him for a year. Have any of you guys ever had this happen to you how did you move on, this hurts so much I just want to forget I ever knew him.. :confused::(
 
When a partner leaves, it leaves a void in your life. You'll need to do something to fill that void, or it'll gnaw at you. So do something to fill the void. That doesn't mean start leaping into bed with everyone you can, necessarily. Just go out and do things. Go to bars, go to the library, volunteer, take some classes, make some friends.

Lex
 
There is no easy answer, sorry... "If it doesnt kill you it will make you stronger."

Just get up each day and put one foot in front of the other. Just live life as best as you can at the beginning and stay busy.

Best of luck
 
The other guys are right. You need to give yourself time right now. You may also need to realize that it may take some time to "just be friends" again. Often it is more like learning how to be friends all over again...if you can. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I have two ex's. One ex has remained a good and close friend. In fact, we are better friends than we ever were as partners and, perhaps, that is how we should be. The other, we tried the friends thing for awhile but it just didn't work. There was simply too much "baggage" leftover from the relationship and it was/is better NOT to see each other as friends. I ocassionally see him out and about but we now travel in different circles of people so, over time, what WAS has become less important. I also got to the point where I really don't care anymore. That has now been a few years ago and I am a different person today. If we met today, it would never work. He is no longer the kind of person that would attract me.

Go out and enjoy yourself and remain socially active. This is not the time to become a hermit. It is also not the time to get involved again so soon and/or jump in the sack with anyone that comes along. Failed relationships happen to most of us and it can often be devastating so be good to yourself. Don't blame yourself or him. It was just not meant to be. Your TRUE love is yet to be found! Ideally, you should give yourself a full year before you enter another relationship. Enjoy yourself, date new people and spend time with good friends and go easy. The emotional scars WILL heal in time and you will be a better person for it and better for the next person in your life!
 
Thank you guys I feel a little better. Its just so hard because hes all I can think about, whats he doing, whats he thinking, its just so hard. I am still a virgin so going out and sleeping with random guys isnt an option. I was going to give myself to him but now Im glad I didnt. Im a little over weight and I know im not ugly I just dont think im all that attractive maybe thats why he didnt want to be with me anymore I dont know but I guess if thats the reason I didnt need him anyways. It just hurts Ive never had to deal with anything like this before. He wants to be friends but I dont think I can do that because Ill never completely stop loving him I had planned on spending the rest of my life with him.

Maybe this is a good thing? I feel motivated to get in shape and get out more. I dont have any gay friends because im too shy to get out and make any. I have one straight girl-friend that I dont get to talk to much anymore because of our jobs. I didnt have anyone else to talk to Thank You Guys for being there for me. Its hard when you lose everything you thought you had just to go back to nothing. Anyways I think I feel a little better about it now. Thank You

-Matthew
 
FloridaBoi said:
I had planned on spending the rest of my life with him.
Click to expand...


We all feel/felt that way once or many times early in life, I see you're 20yo, but unfortunately for most of us a little scepticism enters one's personality later.

I'm a 'hopeless romantic' with a healthy dose of scepticism thrown in.
 
>>>Im a little over weight and I know im not ugly I just dont think im all that attractive maybe thats why he didnt want to be with me anymore...

No.

If he thought you weren't attractive and didn't like your extra poundage, he would have never hooked up with you in the first place. Break-ups are rarely a "me" thing. They're almost always a "we" thing. The chemistry just wasn't there for him.

>>>I have one straight girl-friend that I dont get to talk to much anymore because of our jobs. I didnt have anyone else to talk to.

Then that's what you should devote most of your energies to. Get out there, meet people, make some friends. :) ..|

Lex
 
My exbf and I were together for 5.5 years, so I more than understand how you feel!!!


Other posters here are right. You need time to 'mend'! And as you said you feel motivated to loose weight and get out more....

After my bf and I broke up I was sad, then pissed! I'm with you as wanting 'him for the rest of your life'! Does not matter what age you are, most of us need someone in our lives with whom we can love and receive love in return!

So as Lex says, the JUB Sage, get out, meet people, and make new friends. before you know it, you'll have another guy that you want, and we wants you.

Oh about the weight thing, the answer is 'NO' he did not leave you because of that!
 
It wouldnt have hurt so much if he would have told me what was wronge but he went from I love you when we talk to "I have stuff to do bye" but neways I honestly feel a lot better now thank you Lex and all of you guys for being there for me :-D I love You Guys!

-Matthew
 
G-Lexington said:
When a partner leaves, it leaves a void in your life. You'll need to do something to fill that void, or it'll gnaw at you. So do something to fill the void. That doesn't mean start leaping into bed with everyone you can, necessarily. Just go out and do things. Go to bars, go to the library, volunteer, take some classes, make some friends.

Lex
Click to expand...

Les is right as usual. I would also suggest that you give yourself time to grieve what you had and get over the anger so you do not drag it inappropriately into a new relationship.

When you find yourself not looking back and feeling like a slug, it may well be time to actively move on and become agressive in your search for a new boy friend.
Shep+
 
I know this isnt the first time that this has ever happened to anyone but this is the first time for me. He was my first love it hurts so much. I guess its hard because we were so stronge before he left for korea and now its like hes completely changed and I cant talk to him because of the time differance. He wants to stay friends and still do things together and he wants me to keep emailing him while hes there and call him when he gets his phone Friday but I dont know if I can do that. I dont think I could handle seeing him with someone else. Well I know I have ranted enough I thank you all for your help I do feel some better though I dont think I will ever stop loving him completely. Thanks Guys

-Matthew
 
It's never easy to "just be friends", at least for the first few months or much longer post-breakup. Allow yourself time and space to heal, cut him off completely and go regain your life and your self. When you are capable of saying to yourself that you no longer need him, then reinstate the friendship if you so wish. Good luck!
 
Hey Guys, I emailed him today and told him that if he wants to be friends that I would try but that I couldnt promise anything. When I got to work today I found out my work partner (friend) didnt show up today so I had a long time to myself to think things over and I feel better now. I convinced myself that I didnt need him and that it worked out for the best and it was best to count my blessings. Im not gonna lie I still have feelings for him but I think I am starting the healing process. Thank You Guys SO MUCH! Im so glad I found this place! I LOVE YOU GUYS!


-Matthew
 
Oh and insted of sitting in the house being depressed I went walking this evening!! I walked a mile and a half might not sound like much but its a start to the new me :D!!!


-Matthew
 
You're doing better than I am.

I just went through a loss myself, and have spent the last two days doing little but sleeping or staring at DVDs without really knowing what was in front of my eyes.

And I didn't even plan on spending the rest of my life with him.

Keep it up, dude.
 
you can't forget and move on.

(not in that order, anyway)

Move on.. and you'll forget.. or get over it, anyway.
 
^^^^Soilwork is right on, as usual!..|
 
When my last relationship ended I never thought I would move on, but now I know we had something special, but now I dont ever remember having strong feelings for my ex girlfriend.
 
Soil's right.

Get out there. Do stuff. Meet new friends.

You'll get over the pain. Since you are still a virgin, you at least don't have all the baggage of sexual intimacy to stand in the way of friendship with your old bf.
 
You guys were right, I went to work today and working around all my friends laughing and having fun made me feel so much better. I feel a lot better, theres still little things that take me back to being depressed when I hear about Hawaii because thats his home place or looking at anything military reminds me of him but Im trying to avoid those things. I totally understand what you mean soilwork, thanks guys I gotta get going in a few im gonna go walking :D


-Matthew
 
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