talk - not text, talk - to him on the phone (or on skype) before you meet. this is something ive learned from experience and has served me extremely well. its one thing to read what somebody writes, but by actually hearing his voice, youll get a much better idea of what kind of person youre dealing with. i always, always talk to a person at least for a short while before i meet him.
I know I touched on this in my third point, but I want to highlight it and underline it again. It's very important to play things safe. I don't want to frighten you, but you're in a vulnerable position. There are unfortunately some people out there who know that if they rape someone who is in the closet that their chances of getting reported are slim. Being reported would require the individual in the closet to out themselves.
Here are some "play it safe" suggestions.
1. Talking to him over skype or the phone is good, but I still think meeting for a bit in person is better. Grab a bite to eat, meet up at a bar, whatever. So long as it's public, but private enough where you can talk to him without being bothered by others - distractions make it harder to read someone.
2. If you have a friend that you can trust, even if it is an online friend (though ideally it would be someone you interact with in person), then tell them where you're going to be and who you're going to be with. Tell them that you intend to contact them at such-and-such time. Stay true to that, even if you're still with the guy. This way if something does happen, at least someone knows where you were and who you were with.
3. Drive your own car if you have one. Don't be dependent upon him for transportation, as that could trap you in a difficult situation.
4. Get a cheap motel room instead of going back to his place; or convince him to come back to your place. This again reduces your chances of being trapped in a difficult situation.
5. Keep your cell phone close at all times.
6. Don't eat or drink anything he offers that you haven't personally watched him prepare. This reduces the chances of being drugged. If he offers you something that you didn't watch him prepare, simply take it; smile, and tell him thank you. Sit it to the side and carry on with whatever you're doing. If he becomes very insistent that you drink or eat something then you have a right to begin to grow suspicious.
Following these simple guidelines and your gut will ensure that you're safe. Don't be afraid to back out; even if you're meeting him in person and its at the last moment. You shouldn't do anything that you aren't comfortable doing. Whether or not he understands that is irrelevant; simply apologize and be honest - tell him that you've become uncomfortable with the whole idea, and have changed your mind.
dedricks points 5-9 are all perfectly valid, but i also think they make sex sound very abstract and complicated. i think its better to just relax, let your gut guide you, allow yourself to make mistakes, be kind to yourself... and youll figure it out.
I also agree with this. Don't like, try and give a blow job with everything I wrote at the forefront of your mind. Instead, just file it away as useful information and do what comes natural. Follow your gut, and become responsive to your sexual partner. (This is good advice whether or not you're giving a blow job or something else.)
He's going to let you know when you're doing something that feels really great to him. If he doesn't; be vocal and ask. Be honest and tell him that you're inexperienced. If he's a decent guy he's going to want to give you lots of encouragement. If he does this your experience will be exponentially better.
Oral sex isn't a science, it's an art form.
dont swallow! HIV AIDS HIV AIDS!
The likelihood that you're going to get HIV from oral sex is pretty small. However, you can reduce your risks by doing certain things. Most obviously, you could request that the guy you're going to perform oral sex on use a condom. Of course, not many people would enjoy that... but if you do go this route invest in some flavored lubricants that are latex safe. Flavored condoms are also another suggestion.
Something a lot of people don't think about is open sores and bleeding gums. You should avoid things like flossing or aggressive brushing of your teeth before oral sex; simply to avoid breaking the skin. If you're gums are bleeding or you have something like cold sores, you're going to want to use a condom.
If fresh breath is a major concern to you (as it should be!) chew some gum and get some breath mints. Avoid eating foods that are going to make your breath smell foul (such as garlic). Also avoid eating foods that are likely going to get stuck between your teeth (thus preventing your need to floss).
There are always risks in life; in everything you do. There is a risk when you walk out the door in the morning. You have to determine how much of a risk you're willing to take, and do what makes you feel most comfortable.
This being said; HIV from oral sex really shouldn't be your primary concern. There are other diseases and infections that can be much more easily transmitted orally.
One of the best things you can do to reduce your risk is get a regular fuck buddy. The more partners you have sex with the more likely you are to catch something. So get yourself a fuck buddy or find yourself a relationship; these things will greatly reduce your risks.
