How to get past this psychological problem

[Sammael]

I'm a 27 years old bisexual(mostly thinking about guys) male. I have a fantasy which have developed over time. At first I was fantasizing about being a girl and having sex with other girls and guys. Then it started developing more complex. Right now I even have the face and body image of the girl I want to be in my mind(also the personality) and the voice. I fantasize myself being born as that girl and still being friends with my current male friends and flirting with them. Keep in my that although I had feelings for a few friends in the past, right now I don't. Now I only fantasize about being that girl and seducing them without having sex or being lovers with my friends or anyone else. In my fantasies I just make people(mostly people I know) want me and only hookup with guys I've met online and keep it secret.

I have some obvious theories about why I have that fantasy, but feel free to write your theories too. But what I'm mostly interested is, how do I stop having that fantasy and live the life I have with the body I have fully? I enjoy having sex with guys right now, and they enjoy it too but still I always feel like it's not as good as being a girl. Because when you're a girl(especially the girl I have in my mind) everybody wants you and everybody keeps in mind that they should be careful talking to you since you may like them one day as a lover. I know it doesn't apply to your world, especially not for every girl but here in Turkey it is that way especially in communities/places/classes where there are few girls. Do you have any suggestions about how I can persuade myself that I can have a better life than my fantasy life as that particular girl? These days whenever I'm masturbating, I mostly think about being that girl and either seducing people I know without making any obvious moves and not having sex with them, or fantasizing about having sex with some people I've hooked up after meeting online(this time as a girl).

P.S.
For me sex is more about making the other guy feel lots of pleasure and have orgasm rather than having pleasure myself because physical sensations or orgasms aren't a big deal for me.

P.S.2
I have lesbian fantasies too, especially with a twin and also seducing other people togather with my twin

All comments are appreciated.

 

[Lube]

I am not a therapist. Are you seeing one?

It seems to me that you are jealous of girls, because in your society they can get the attraction of males. It's taboo for a male to try to get the attraction of males.

Are you in/near a large city? Is there an active gay population there?

Get out in the gay community and make friends. Flirt with guys. They will love it! Be who you are.

Don't be ashamed of who you are.

 

[Sammael]

I'm not seeing a therapist and I don't want to. I don't feel jealousy for any girl because I'm obsessed with the particular girl in my mind. I wouldn't want to be just some random girl.

In Turkey gay community is mostly online, at least in my city. There are hundreds of gays on Turkish gay websites who live in my city and I can hookup anytime with them. There are also many gays who are looking for relationships though most of them seem like they're trying to fit into something or some type of relationship.

But it's not just about what other people think. I also think that some girl bodies are just much metter looking than male bodies. I mean it's a totally different league. I know it's subjective but for me a beautiful girl body is the best thing out there.

 

[Seasoned]

Like most things in life, if it's not hurting you or others it's ok. This is bothering you, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. It sounds like you imagine you're a girl because you prefer straight men to gay men. If this is about self-acceptance therapy is your answer. You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin.

 

[Sammael]

It's not hurting me much but no matter what I do in my life, I know that I will not live the life in my fantasy. I think I want someone to tell me why it's not better to be a girl so I can convince myself that my life can actually be better than the life of the girl in my fantasy. But unless it really is the truth, I can't believe it.

 

[Lube]

Well, to me, it sounds like you want to be the one most beautiful girl that all guys will like.

I think you just want guys to be attracted to you, and this imaginary girl is the easiest/best way you know how.

Maybe, just maybe, it's because you think guys won't think a guy (in general, and you specifically) is attractive.

But this sounds like something you can't get answered on an Internet chat board. I think you need to talk to someone in person.

 

[Sammael]

I think I'm getting over it. One thing I noticed is that although I find girls beautiful, I don't like vagina. I look at websites where people upload photos of their bodies and I haven't found a single vagina I liked. In some porns there are some not bad looking vaginas but I wouldn't want to have a typical vagina.

Another thing I noticed is that although I'm bisexual(mostly bottom), if I'm in the top mood most of the times I get turned on by guy butts rather than female butts. I guess that's true for many other bisexuals and of course gays.

So when I look at girl bodies really close, not from far away, I actually prefer having my own body. So I guess I'm getting more comfortable with being in my own body. Thanks for the replies.

 

[rahulxxx]

In my opinion , you are just feeling lonely. That too , at an extreme level. find yourself someone to talk to all the time. that would put the problem at halt , of concocting characters around you that donot exist. And again i write, this isnt your" fantasy". the key word here is lonliness.... sort it out. and yes.. donnot visit a therpaist. its rather that you should buy a dog !the dog would help you more!

 

[Sammael]

I have many heterosexual friends but no gay friends. I've hooked up with many guys before but I don't see them anymore. Hooking up is nice but once I've had sex with them, I don't see the point of having sex with them again. Having sex with a random person 2nd time doesn't seem much different than masturbation.

I've tried a relationship once. Last year I was 26 and he was 52 years old. The sex was great and intimate but the relationship was kinda fake. I mean he was talking as if we've been lovers for years but I didn't feel it. Outside of the sex I felt like we were just pretending to be lovers. I don't want to go into complicated stuff like relationships again.

But you're right I'm gonna start meeting new guys from gay dating websites(there are many in Turkey). In the beginning it's stressful to meet new people but I guess once I meet people who are appropriate for me, it will be better.

 

[Lube]

I'm glad you seem to be working through this.

Everyone's wired differently, but I hope you find the long-term love (I think) you're looking for.